Just say, we're going to watch the movie now and let him decide if he joins OP. Or plan it with him before hand, or have it on a night where he doesn't usually have to work.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad. If a dad can't find 2 hours to watch a movie with his his family once a week, he's the problem.

It's easy for you to say since the 2 hours movie is the only time you spend with your kid for the whole week.

I suspect OP's husband already spent lots of time with his kids. He just needs that 2 hours to work.

Anonymous wrote:You need to change your approach since what you are doing is sending out an unintended message to him. If you are just trying to inform him of what you are doing to see if he is interested, then you approach and ask him if he has to work tonight. If he says yes, then you say, okay and go back to the kids. If he says no, you can tell him that you and the kids are watching such and such if he is interested in joining you. This way you don't imply that he should be spending more time with the kids and you don't put on the guilt factor if he says he is working.

Sometimes just changing the way you convey information can solve a problem.

+100

FWIW, my DH has shows he likes to watch with the kids and I have mine. That makes sense for us because as a couple there are only a few movies and tv shows that we both are interested in watching and for those we want to watch them together as a couple. Depending on the movie or show we will ask the kids if they want to watch with us! If it’s something neither of us wants to watch and our kids do, our attitude is only one of us needs to make the sacrifice if it needs parental guidance and we try to be fair that it’s not always the same person.

So, I’m team DH on this one because the way you are approaching it comes off as trying to dictate how he spends time with the kids for something only you are interested in doing, posed at times that are inconvenient to him, in a way that makes him seem like the bad guy in front of the kids because the expectation is it isn’t a family movie night unless everyone in the family participates.

Anonymous wrote:Very passive aggressive to suggest to the DCs they ask Dad to do something with them. I am on team Dad here and I am a wife. Also, don’t put him on the spot in front of the kids.

How is that passive aggressive? Mom tried to shunt the kids on Dad and Dad can shunt back by saying I’m busy go ask your Mom. I mean that’s just normal parental and spousal behavior, at least in my house

I think you should count him out. Many men sre like that. They look up and their family proceeds without him. Make your own plans exclusive of hom. Ig he joins he joins if notnits not a big deal.

That sounds like a sad life.

I’m a woman and I think you need to stop. If the man has work to do why do you want him plopped in front of the idiot box for 2 hours? If your kids had homework to do would you make them stop to watch Monsters Inc for the third time?

I spend time interacting w the kids during the day.

If I had office work to do, is probably skip the movie night. I would not skip the math or reading lessons, or checking over homework.

Priorities!

That sucks he has to work all night but MANY of us are I. The same boat across the country.

Stuck home working with kids whilst cooking, cleaning and homeschool the kids at the same time as “working” and work calls. I’m most efficient 8pm to 11pm. Duh.

Ask him to speak up in advance if he's not going to be available during regular family time. Then you'll know not to ask. But not fair of him to be snappish about it if he hasn't communicated that he'll be busy, especially if it's part of your regular routine to spend time together in the evenings.

Anonymous wrote:You probably usually complain about him working a lot which is annoying to him. Don’t be a needy naggy Nellie.

I don't think this is fair. If DH does not spend time with kids wife should just stfu and shoulder it all herself? I agree though that the way you are asking for this may be problematic. Can you find a time when both of you are not stressed to sit down and talk this out a bit more between the two of you? No blaming. Just focus on needs/feelings?

I was in your shoes once, although it was rarely due to work. I just stopped asking.

You probably usually complain about him working a lot which is annoying to him. Don’t be a needy naggy Nellie.

Very passive aggressive to suggest to the DCs they ask Dad to do something with them. I am on team Dad here and I am a wife. Also, don’t put him on the spot in front of the kids.

Well, I think we all know HE is overly sensitive on this topic.