This is not a battle to fight op. Trust me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I breastfed two kids. One until about 8 months the other until nearly 2. If my husband made any such suggestion I would have been pissed. It was not easy. Support her with whatever she decides to do. She needs to draw her own conclusion.

This is his child too and he should get say and he's right that it will help her a lot if he can also feed.

Nope. He doesn't get to force the baby to stop breastfeeding.

Are they HIS breasts? Perhaps he believes they are. YIKES. The epitome of selfishness. Get a therapist, OP.

OP here. I don’t need a therapist. Breast milk benefits are minimal after the first 3 months. I would be fine with her breastfeeding, but my son doesn’t like it. Her rarely breastfeeds, and when she tries to, he will scream and fight. He has never liked nursing. My wife is pumping every 2-3 round the clock to make 30-32 ounces a day. She went from being happy and laid back to stressed, often unhappy, and little time for a thing else. Our son will happily eat from a bottle and take formula. I’m not saying she needs to quit all together, but I feel she needs to pump less. This breastfeeding stuff has made her completely not herself. Studies have shown the most benefit is transferred from actual nursing. I’d be fine if she were happy; but she is often complaining about having to pump. We can’t go anywhere for more than two hours because she has to pump. I feel like she will be happier if she stops pumping or decreases it where she had time to sleep and for other things.

Sounds like marriage issues...

Or married to an a33hole DH who is a know-it-all and cannot appreciate what the mom is trying to achieve for the baby.

Why not do all you can to support HER decision, whatever that may be... if it is to pump then wake up with her to be there to clean the parts in the middle of the night, bag the milk, or whatever. Let her sleep in and you give the baby the first bottle. Ask her what you can do for her to give her time to do other things. Buy her a good pump and all needed parts so she can go out for more than two hours. Pumping can make her cranky but that doesn’t mean she wants to stop.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please! It's his child and life too. If his wife is having so much trouble nursing, she needs to go with formula and move on with life. She is making everyone miserable to prove absolutely nothing,!

Obviously you have no idea about the benefits of breastmilk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I breastfed two kids. One until about 8 months the other until nearly 2. If my husband made any such suggestion I would have been pissed. It was not easy. Support her with whatever she decides to do. She needs to draw her own conclusion.

This is his child too and he should get say and he's right that it will help her a lot if he can also feed.

Nope. He doesn't get to force the baby to stop breastfeeding.

Are they HIS breasts? Perhaps he believes they are. YIKES. The epitome of selfishness. Get a therapist, OP.

OP here. I don’t need a therapist. Breast milk benefits are minimal after the first 3 months. I would be fine with her breastfeeding, but my son doesn’t like it. Her rarely breastfeeds, and when she tries to, he will scream and fight. He has never liked nursing. My wife is pumping every 2-3 round the clock to make 30-32 ounces a day. She went from being happy and laid back to stressed, often unhappy, and little time for a thing else. Our son will happily eat from a bottle and take formula. I’m not saying she needs to quit all together, but I feel she needs to pump less. This breastfeeding stuff has made her completely not herself. Studies have shown the most benefit is transferred from actual nursing. I’d be fine if she were happy; but she is often complaining about having to pump. We can’t go anywhere for more than two hours because she has to pump. I feel like she will be happier if she stops pumping or decreases it where she had time to sleep and for other things.

Sounds like marriage issues...

Or buy her that fancy new type of pump you can wear under clothes, and then you can go out more frequently- win win

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I breastfed two kids. One until about 8 months the other until nearly 2. If my husband made any such suggestion I would have been pissed. It was not easy. Support her with whatever she decides to do. She needs to draw her own conclusion.

This is his child too and he should get say and he's right that it will help her a lot if he can also feed.

Nope. He doesn't get to force the baby to stop breastfeeding.

Are they HIS breasts? Perhaps he believes they are. YIKES. The epitome of selfishness. Get a therapist, OP.

OP here. I don’t need a therapist. Breast milk benefits are minimal after the first 3 months. I would be fine with her breastfeeding, but my son doesn’t like it. Her rarely breastfeeds, and when she tries to, he will scream and fight. He has never liked nursing. My wife is pumping every 2-3 round the clock to make 30-32 ounces a day. She went from being happy and laid back to stressed, often unhappy, and little time for a thing else. Our son will happily eat from a bottle and take formula. I’m not saying she needs to quit all together, but I feel she needs to pump less. This breastfeeding stuff has made her completely not herself. Studies have shown the most benefit is transferred from actual nursing. I’d be fine if she were happy; but she is often complaining about having to pump. We can’t go anywhere for more than two hours because she has to pump. I feel like she will be happier if she stops pumping or decreases it where she had time to sleep and for other things.

It took me 5 months to really get the breastfeeding working properly. I'm glad my DH was only supportive and didn't urge me to give up. I loved it after those tough few months. Maybe your wife won't get there. But the decision needs to come from her. And definitely don't say anything about your not being able to go anywhere for more than 2 hours because she has to pump.

As a woman who had low supply, I wish my husband had had your attitude towards breastfeeding when I was going through it. It was so much work and effort and made the baby cranky, made me cranky, and didn't seem to accomplish much of anything positive. But my husband wanted me to keep trying so I did until 11 months in. It would have been such a relief to have that burden taken off of me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I breastfed two kids. One until about 8 months the other until nearly 2. If my husband made any such suggestion I would have been pissed. It was not easy. Support her with whatever she decides to do. She needs to draw her own conclusion.

This is his child too and he should get say and he's right that it will help her a lot if he can also feed.

Nope. He doesn't get to force the baby to stop breastfeeding.

Are they HIS breasts? Perhaps he believes they are. YIKES. The epitome of selfishness. Get a therapist, OP.

OP here. I don’t need a therapist. Breast milk benefits are minimal after the first 3 months. I would be fine with her breastfeeding, but my son doesn’t like it. Her rarely breastfeeds, and when she tries to, he will scream and fight. He has never liked nursing. My wife is pumping every 2-3 round the clock to make 30-32 ounces a day. She went from being happy and laid back to stressed, often unhappy, and little time for a thing else. Our son will happily eat from a bottle and take formula. I’m not saying she needs to quit all together, but I feel she needs to pump less. This breastfeeding stuff has made her completely not herself. Studies have shown the most benefit is transferred from actual nursing. I’d be fine if she were happy; but she is often complaining about having to pump. We can’t go anywhere for more than two hours because she has to pump. I feel like she will be happier if she stops pumping or decreases it where she had time to sleep and for other things.

If your wife has large breasts/large storage capacity, you could kindly suggest she try pumping less often. I exclusively pumped for my two kids because of latching issues and short nipples. The first time around I was exhausted because of trying to follow the advice to pump every 3-4 hours. For the second kid, I tried pumping much less often but for longer. I often went 12 hours at night without pumping and pumped every six to 8 hours during day time. But when I sat down to pump, I pumped for an hour to make sure I’d emptied the breasts. I spent the same amount of time per day pumping, but it was much better because of being able to sleep through the night, not having to schedule as many pumps and not having to wash the pump parts as often.

My husband thought it was kind of crazy that I pumped given that he and I both agree the benefits of breastfeeding are pretty minimal and short term. But I felt this powerful, irrational, mom-guilt-ish need to do it anyway. He would tell me he was totally fine with me quitting but also supported me in doing it. I think you can be open about being totally okay with formula and noting that she must be so tired from all the work she’s putting in. (But yeah, probably don’t mention you aren’t happy with how crabby she is.)

I wouldn't frame it as you wanting her to stop, but I think it's totally okay for you to tell her that you support her if she wants to. I didn't have supply issues at the beginning, but around month 10 or 11 of breastfeeding, pumping at work just became too much, and my supply dropped significantly such that I needed to pump more to meet daycare needs. I felt like my husband's opinion did matter, just as much as it matters when it comes to what solids DD eats every day. So having him tell me that he supported me deciding not to pump at work anymore and letting DD have formula at daycare was a welcome message. But, as these responses suggest, your wife likely carries a lot of baggage around breastfeeding, especially if she's already shown a propensity to make herself miserable in order to breastfeed. So tread lightly.

Wow people are completely overreacting - I’m sorry OP. You sound like a really caring dad and husband and your feelings are so normal. it’s really hard to watch your wife struggle. As someone who was in your wife’s situation and stopped about 4 months, I don’t know if I really could have heard someone if they’d tried to help me see how miserable it was making everyone. I believe there is something really biological and hormonal that makes us feel like we must keep going (plus society and some people like those posting on this board). Unfortunately you’ll probably have to let her go through this process but you can lovingly tell her that you support her, you see how tired she is and how much she is doing for your baby and you are so amazed by her - and you support her if she wants to keep going or if she ever decides to stop.

A couple weeks before I stopped I had a discussion with my husband and I told him I knew it had been so hard, and that I should probably stop but that I really wanted to keep breastfeeding. He said okay sweetie of course - and I sobbed. It was a relief that he was just okay with me doing it however I needed. Two weeks later I woke up and realized what in the world am I doing and I started the process of weaning that week. Looking back if my husband had pressured me that day, I don’t know if I could have really gotten there myself. I think in a way it freed me to really make the decision. But I agree with others that it affects others and the breastfeeding mom doesn’t really realize that and it’s ok to express your support if she ever wants to use formula.

So far, no insane posts, 18:38.

OP, sorry for the insane people.

There are people who do recognize that you care about your wife and you see her struggling and trying to support her and make this better for all of you.

You are the father and you are impacted by her choices as the mother. You are a family - one person's struggles affects everyone. It shouldn't be taboo to talk to your wife about this. You already realize it should be approached sensitively so as not to dismiss her efforts.

You can talk about her lack of sleep or some of the impacts that you see. Let her know that at whatever point she chooses to stop pumping, you are supportive of that. Talk about how you are both doing / feeling as parents at this point. You are a family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I breastfed two kids. One until about 8 months the other until nearly 2. If my husband made any such suggestion I would have been pissed. It was not easy. Support her with whatever she decides to do. She needs to draw her own conclusion.

This is his child too and he should get say and he's right that it will help her a lot if he can also feed.

Nope. He doesn't get to force the baby to stop breastfeeding.

Are they HIS breasts? Perhaps he believes they are. YIKES. The epitome of selfishness. Get a therapist, OP.