I’m a huge fan of St P day and I think what she did was a d— move. Unless there’s some weird work dynamics at play that would make this akin to skipping the office holiday party, in which case she should have called grandma to apologize.
But there’s probably no profit in saying anything beyond “grandma and your cousins really missed seeing you at grabdma’s party. “.

Anonymous wrote:Party for St. Patrick’s Day??? That’s not for another 10 days. WTH?

Who knows what things will be like in another 10 days.

Party for St. Patrick’s Day??? That’s not for another 10 days. WTH?

No, you don’t have the right to be mad.

Maybe there is a guy she really likes who she is trying to get to know.

Anonymous wrote:Is she trying to follow the new guidance for people over 60 to avoid gathering and protect the old folks in her family?

Even if she wasn’t I think she made a good and responsible choice.

Op imagine how you would feel if you insisted she attend to later find out she was exposed to the virus. Those above age 80 are the most vulnerable population.

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm going against the grain but I would absolutely tell her I was disappointed she didn't attend and that we don't know how many birthdays grandma has left, and see what her response is. And I would expect my mother would do the same thing if I made the choice your daughter did. We are a "tell it like it is" family although we say our peace respectfully and don't nag or carry on.

Np. If you were my mom and "told it like it was" then I would probably skip more events. If you nag or try to make someone guilty than they might not want to be in your company. I'm sure the dd can and will see grandma another day. I think the older generation can use that "her last birthday card" for years and at some point it gets tiresome.

People that age make poor decisions sometimes. Let her know you’re disappointed but there’s no point to being “upset” because it’s not your call. It’s not like you’re going to yell at her and she’s going to shape up.

I think your mom had more than enough people around her on her big day.
Let your DD be, she will come around.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why you’re getting skewered here, by people who are claiming you have no right to your daughter’s time. I think you know you actually don’t, and that this is a decision your daughter is making on her own. That’s why I think it hurts you, because she’s showing you her values.

I’m 29 and definitely would not have snubbed one of my grandparents this way. I’m also white, for context, so it isn’t like there’s some cultural factor as play that would have compelled me to feel like I had to go.

I’d guess that you didn’t explicitly stress the importance of this type stuff growing up. What she’s doing is selfish.

You nailed it, PP. You are what I hope my children will be like when they are your age.

I’m not sure why you’re getting skewered here, by people who are claiming you have no right to your daughter’s time. I think you know you actually don’t, and that this is a decision your daughter is making on her own. That’s why I think it hurts you, because she’s showing you her values.

I’m 29 and definitely would not have snubbed one of my grandparents this way. I’m also white, for context, so it isn’t like there’s some cultural factor as play that would have compelled me to feel like I had to go.

I’d guess that you didn’t explicitly stress the importance of this type stuff growing up. What she’s doing is selfish.

I would tell her that her Grandmother missed her presence at her party and that you were disappointed in her. That isn't being dramatic or even "too" dramatic, it is stating two facts. If she pushes back then you might remind her that sometimes her Grandmother attended events of hers that perhaps she didn't want to. Then drop it.

Unfortunately I think you need to take your daughter's behavior in this instance as an indicator of her behavior in the future. Perhaps this is a one-off but perhaps not. Either way it is good to remember.

I guess I'm going against the grain but I would absolutely tell her I was disappointed she didn't attend and that we don't know how many birthdays grandma has left, and see what her response is. And I would expect my mother would do the same thing if I made the choice your daughter did. We are a "tell it like it is" family although we say our peace respectfully and don't nag or carry on.

I’d be disappointed for sure

Anonymous wrote:Right to be disappointed but no right to be upset

This

Anonymous wrote:Is she trying to follow the new guidance for people over 60 to avoid gathering and protect the old folks in her family?

My similarly aged DD skipped seeing her grandparents for her own BD for exactly this reason.