Uh, it started in preschool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children.

I whole heartedly agree.

Disagree. The little girl in my daughter’s class is actively mean. Agree that it’s the adults’ job to guide and teach her and not label her as permanently mean because she’s only 3. But she’s mean.

This is silly. Going all "mama bear" on children, especially actual toddlers, over perceived harms to your child is never actually helpful to your child. You, an adult, are labeling a 3 year old. A 3 year old. You are viewing her behavior through the lens of an adult when she likely just started using the toilet. Come on. Grow up.

I’m sticking by “she’s mean.” She has two significantly older brothers and she’s likely mimicking their behavior, which isn’t her fault. And to be clear, my child doesn’t come home sad. But I’ve seen the child I’m calling mean do these things to her classmates. Like pick one out of a group and tell that one she can come stand in line with her but the others have to go get at the end of the line. And when the college kid monitoring the birthday started started to object, the 3 year old I’m calling mean says to the college kid, “actually, those other kids cut in line, so they have to go to the back. It’s the rule.” (Which was a lie.) Her mom was standing right there and said/did nothing although she seems pretty clueless so I’m not sure she heard.

The kid I’m calling mean does this stuff ALL THE TIME. Corrects the teachers and starts the sentence with “actually.” Like, “actually, I didn’t get a turn” when she did. Fortunately the teachers call her on it.

I agree kids mirror their parents/siblings and most of it is normal testing boundaries. you still have to figure out how to nicely explain the situation to the kid who is sad and help them with tools to cope.

FWIW: I do think some kids/people are naturally mean spirited. I pulled the plug on two of DDs friendships because the girls were consistently malicious. It was creepy. I wasn’t a fan of the moms, so it made it easy to stop play dates. The preschool separated them and it’s been better. Some apples...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children.

It is also misogynistic. I am so tired of hearing people say things like, Oh, you know how girls are, etc.

+100. People, every single preschooler does the "not my friend", "you can't come to my birthday party" stuff. This is absolutely developmentally normal and is not mean KID behavior. It is small children having very little control over their lives and learning to use their words to resolve conflicts instead of their bodies. It's GOOD PROGRESS towards constructive conflict resolution. Talk to you kid about how it makes other people feel and how they would feel, but don't over dramatize normal kid stuff.

Consistently picking on a specific child or the princess dress/superhero shirt clique behavior is different. That's ostracizing a particular child in a group environment and should not be allowed. But kids resolving a fight with threats to disinvite from their birthday? NBD at all.

+1 million, especially the FFS and the misogynist aspect of it. I am SO done with this nonsense.

I really don't like it when parents of girls label their bratty kids as "sassy". It's not sassy, it's rude and mean and if my son acted like that I'd set him straight.


I realize we're talking about 3 year olds here and my comment is more in line with a child a little older but same still stands. Stop celebrating bratty behavior by labeling it sass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen mean kid behavior in even younger kids. Both boys and girls.

Yeah- my almost 4yo DS will come home and talk about one particular boy - "I'm sad, Larlo says he's not my friend" then the next day, "Larlo said I could be his friend." I've struggled with how to respond.

That seems like normal 4yo behavior to me.

+1. Also, PP, ask his teacher what HE said back. He's 4, I am 99.9% sure you're only hearing one side of the story because they are the most unreliable narrators at that age. My 4 year old will have an interaction at the playground, tell me about it, and swear up and down that's the way it happened. Nope, kid, I witnessed the whole thing. And you say, "well that's not a very nice thing to say. Sounds like Larlo was having a bad day. Who did you play with after that?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children.

It is also misogynistic. I am so tired of hearing people say things like, Oh, you know how girls are, etc.

+100. People, every single preschooler does the "not my friend", "you can't come to my birthday party" stuff. This is absolutely developmentally normal and is not mean KID behavior. It is small children having very little control over their lives and learning to use their words to resolve conflicts instead of their bodies. It's GOOD PROGRESS towards constructive conflict resolution. Talk to you kid about how it makes other people feel and how they would feel, but don't over dramatize normal kid stuff.

Consistently picking on a specific child or the princess dress/superhero shirt clique behavior is different. That's ostracizing a particular child in a group environment and should not be allowed. But kids resolving a fight with threats to disinvite from their birthday? NBD at all.

+1 million, especially the FFS and the misogynist aspect of it. I am SO done with this nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen mean kid behavior in even younger kids. Both boys and girls.

Yeah- my almost 4yo DS will come home and talk about one particular boy - "I'm sad, Larlo says he's not my friend" then the next day, "Larlo said I could be his friend." I've struggled with how to respond.

That seems like normal 4yo behavior to me.

Anonymous wrote:I have seen mean kid behavior in even younger kids. Both boys and girls.

Yeah- my almost 4yo DS will come home and talk about one particular boy - "I'm sad, Larlo says he's not my friend" then the next day, "Larlo said I could be his friend." I've struggled with how to respond.

Most of the kids I see like this are imitating the behavior of older siblings. That's why it's odd behavior for a 4 year old. It's really typical behavior for older children. But I have to admit I gag a little when I hear the word "squad" at this age unless they are talking about an activity group.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children.

I whole heartedly agree.

Disagree. The little girl in my daughter’s class is actively mean. Agree that it’s the adults’ job to guide and teach her and not label her as permanently mean because she’s only 3. But she’s mean.

This is silly. Going all "mama bear" on children, especially actual toddlers, over perceived harms to your child is never actually helpful to your child. You, an adult, are labeling a 3 year old. A 3 year old. You are viewing her behavior through the lens of an adult when she likely just started using the toilet. Come on. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children.

I whole heartedly agree.

Disagree. The little girl in my daughter’s class is actively mean. Agree that it’s the adults’ job to guide and teach her and not label her as permanently mean because she’s only 3. But she’s mean.

Oh, for goodness sake. She's not "mean". She is a toddler. Do not be ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children.

I whole heartedly agree.

Disagree. The little girl in my daughter’s class is actively mean. Agree that it’s the adults’ job to guide and teach her and not label her as permanently mean because she’s only 3. But she’s mean.

There is a three year old in my daughter’s class who is a mean girl. The teacher even has to call her on it frequently. So it can start as early as 3.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of this is not "mean girl" behavior, it is just behavior and something to be taught is hurtful. It doesn't need to be pathologized, FFS. Excluding/power/what happens when I say x are all normal developmental phases. It doesn't mean they should not be taught from. But adults deeming 3 and 4 year old children as "mean girls" is ridiculous and inappropriate. It is hard when our children get their feelings hurt. I know. I have seen this far more with my son and his male peers than my daughter. But the kids are not being "mean" or bullies, they are being children.

I whole heartedly agree.

I saw it starting in 1st grade.

It affected my daughter more than my boys, but the girls were still mean to my oldest child who has some special needs. And parents of mean girls are their own breed! I don't know if they are just in denial about it or if they actively encourage it, but it is impossible to talk to them about concerns.