This is a little nuts. How far away do you live? And does it have to be couples? This is a huge ask and no way I’d solo host 40 people at a venue. That will be thousands. Just have it at your house - you’re the host and the guests don’t decide where the venue gets to be unless they’re paying

cut down the guest list. No need for this to be a couples shower. Men don't care to attend a baby shower.

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you could share hosting duties w/one of her other friends or family members.

That would be a perfect way to cut co$ts.
If you have to sacrifice a birthday party for yourself - then it wouldn’t be worth it.

A good friend would certainly agree.

This. If the list is 40 people just see if you can get 2-3 more people to help host. Tell your pregnant friend you cannot plan the event alone and can she recommend a few people to ask. When I was pregnant my sister (who lived 2 hours away) approached a friend to ask if we could have it at her house. My mother and sister brought all the food and drinks. It was a weekend brunch (11-1). Super easy, food included quiches, salads, fruits, desserts. Had about 20 people. Very nice.

40 is an insane amount of people for a baby shower.

Cheap places: someone’s house, church fellowship hall, rec center rooms, rent an air bnb for a day, social club (maybe someone is a member who is in the guest list), party rooms in apartment, condo or office building.

Maybe get a bigger house from Airbnb? No way you should try to feed 40 people—that’s crazy. I would never do more than light finger food or dessert for that many.

Anonymous wrote:I’d just host it at your house. I don’t mind traveling 45 min or so for a shower for a close friend. I have been to showers in Maryland and I live in Reston. It’s fine. It’s stupid to pay those prices.

+1 I live in an 800 sf apartment and would definitely still pick hosting a lovely gathering at home rather than spend more than I want to. If you offered to host/if she asked you to host, it's fair to let her know about limits that you have and then if she wants something bigger or flashier than that, she'll have to figure out how to make that happen or else regroup and be grateful for the party you are offering her.

I'm another one who is over the posh shower culture. I love celebrating life milestones for friends, but there has GOT to be a better way to do it than making small talk over themed nibbles and then being trapped in my chair for an hour to watch The Gift Opening. NOT FUN.

Don’t do this op. My mom did this for my SIL and it was like $3000. I’d rather have $3000!

Perhaps you could share hosting duties w/one of her other friends or family members.

That would be a perfect way to cut co$ts.
If you have to sacrifice a birthday party for yourself - then it wouldn’t be worth it.

A good friend would certainly agree.

I’d just host it at your house. I don’t mind traveling 45 min or so for a shower for a close friend. I have been to showers in Maryland and I live in Reston. It’s fine. It’s stupid to pay those prices.

Anonymous wrote:How old is your friend and is this her first? Serious question. If she's 25 having her first child, fine - try and do it right. If she is 40 and established just forget it. She doesn't need the gifts - she can afford everything on her own.

+1. I'm with you on this and so over our American shower culture. I am sick of being asked to throw big showers for UMC 38 year olds. I'd like to see a shift where if this is your situation and you want a party for the baby, you throw it; you don't "need" anyone to buy you your Bugaboo. This is, however, a pretty unpopular opinion.

I agree with PP. Look some more for a low cost venue. Are you sure 40 guests is a must.

How old is your friend and is this her first? Serious question. If she's 25 having her first child, fine - try and do it right. If she is 40 and established just forget it. She doesn't need the gifts - she can afford everything on her own.

I have done several showers at venues since I am the only out of town family member. But my max was 25 people. I don't think $1000 will do for a restaurant for 40 people. That is $25 a person. That would not cover food, drink, tax, tip per person. Do as an earlier poster wrote and look to a church, rec center or school or work conference room. Don't be too proud to ask for further input/help.

Good lord. Tell her you can’t afford the cost. Odds are you are going way overboard.

Is a backyard party possible?

Can you do a park or does anyone on the list belong to a church with a room you can rent that might be cheaper?