How often are you visiting them now OP?

Zero is the only right answer.

As long as your youngest child is under 5, grandparents should be coming to visit you. Anything greater than zero for able bodied grandparents is very unreasonable.

You all stay put! It’s too much hassle and money for your family to travel. The grandparents can visit and lend a hand to help with the children. I would have zero expectation for my own children to visit in the same situation.

You have a 1 and 2 year old?

I would laugh if my parents or in-laws asked me to visit them. They can to us if they want to see the kids. No way am I dragging 2 toddlers on a long flight across the country. Logistically it’s stupid to buy 4 flights instead of 2.

Grandparents should be coming to you until the kids are older and can travel more easily. Even then, I wouldn’t go more than 1 time per year because I would want to save some vacation days for our own family vacations.

I would have no qualms about visiting them exactly once per year, making it clear that they are welcome to visit you.

OP are you now going to tell us the frequency they are complaining about?

With kids under 5 I would visit zero times per year. Invite them to come visit you instead.

Once the youngest is 5 I would visit once every other year. So, you go to one set of grandparents every year and they alternate years.

0.
If they can come to you and they are retired, I don’t see why 4 people with a stroller and 2 car seats need to get on an airplane to go to a home that is not baby proofed and doesn’t have cribs.
My kids are 3 and 5 and we see grandparents and aunts/uncles frequently, west coast siblings less often. We started traveling more once the oldest could sleep in a bed. We will take more trips once the youngest drops naps. Dealing with naps and diapers away from home is miserable. I don’t want to go somewhere just to spend every afternoon sitting in a hotel or musty bedroom while my kid naps.

Alternate grandparents every other year.

I don’t relate to the people suggesting visiting each set of grandparents once or twice a year.

I’m assuming it’s $4-$5K per visit once you factor in flights, hotel, and rental car. So that’s $8-$20K per year. I just don’t relate to having that kind of money! (But I’ve got two in daycare right now.)

I agree once a year or once every other year would be ok. When my parents lived in CA (we live in DC) we would go out there once every other year, but luckily they were able to visit us more often so we would end up seeing each other 4 times a year.

With 8-9 hours of travel time it would be once a year, maybe twice, and hopefully they would visit us once a year. My parents live 5 hours away by car and we visit them 2-3 times a year and they visit us twice a year.

I'd maybe try to visit each of them about once a year. But with a 1 and 2 year old, I think *not* traveling is ok too.

If both sets of grandparents are healthy, I'd put the burden of travel on them until your youngest is at least 4, when I've found my kids became MUCH better at travel.

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I both work full time and have a one and two year old.

Both sets of grandparents live about 8-9 hours of travel away (door to door, both include a flight, assuming all goes smoothly)

All grandparents are active, travel frequently domestically and abroad (including roughly quarterly visits to us)

In this scenario how frequently do you think we could visit them and feel no guilt about the pressure from one side that it’s not nearly enough

1-3 times a year here or there or meet at a beach. Every must make effort- either hosting or traveling or meeting.

We don’t host longer than a week, unless there is an emergency situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I both work full time and have a one and two year old.

Both sets of grandparents live about 8-9 hours of travel away (door to door, both include a flight, assuming all goes smoothly)

All grandparents are active, travel frequently domestically and abroad (including roughly quarterly visits to us)

In this scenario how frequently do you think we could visit them and feel no guilt about the pressure from one side that it’s not nearly enough

I am assuming you are taking about your children’s grandparents and not yours. We would travel to them 3x a year and they would travel to us 1x a year. One set was 7 hour drive away and one set was a 4 hours drive away. They all passed away before our youngest was out of HS.

Same question. OP’s talking about her parents and DH’s parents? Are the grandparents in the picture?

If they come to you quarterly I wouldn’t go there at all unless they asked I guess.