Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol my mom puts on airs like this a lot. She thinks she has SO much more "class" than everyone else

OP here. Yes, that's another thing. My mom is very into thinking of herself as quite "classy." She calls the part of the family that acts like this the "classy side." I told her my definition of class is different. I believe it's classy to treat everyone respectfully, avoid gossip, not be ashamed of disabilities and learning differences, and allow people free will. Apparently I have it all wrong.

Might your last name be Bucket?

Do our mothers, our aunts or our great-aunts ACT like royalty? No, no, nope. Do we go out of our way to TREAT them like royalty? Yes, absolutely. They are priceless to us and we make sure they know it.

Anonymous wrote:
My mother's family has a title and estate. Our ancestor was ennobled more than a thousand years ago.

They are practical, down to earth people, despite having had childhoods with nursemaids and governesses or tutors, and being taught all about etiquette and the finer distinctions of rank.

I mean, my uncle rakes out his horses' manure himself.
My mother does her own tidying up and ironing.
They will talk to you like nice, normal people and you'd never guess their family background.
And they have totally embraced my child with ADHD and learning disabilities.

This is true for my Mum's side as well. She married into my Da's family which was catholic and not wealthy and the irony is that they treated her as if they looked down on her (cognitive dissonance). My Mum's side is down to earth and exactly what you picture for 'working royalty'. My mother had great disdain for pretenders but never felt a need to publicly correct them unless they were treating others badly. She would come home and cringe and laugh about it, though. I think I got my patience and awareness of people from her.

My father's sisters would all run around doing a whole queue involving a hierarchy of communication when they felt they needed to pass along information (ie insult/question/correct her). It was this whole elaborate thing and I can just see her setting her teacup down, folding her hands pleasantly in her lap, with her face calmly relaxing as her eyebrows politely rose up and she inclined her head to act interested and accommodating to whatever fresh hell they were bestowing upon her. (I make this same face, I now know). As an example, she became aware that my dad's sisters were taking ownership/referencing her family title (as if they inherited it when my father married her) while also disparaging it and she shut that down in an amazing way. I remember not making eye contact, continuing to move unobtrusively so no one would remove me from the room and pretending to still be playing but my ears were HOT and I ENJOYED it because she put up with so much and was finally politely objecting/reorienting them to reality. But I knew if you could see my pride that she would take me to task. Later we were leaving and I remember it being one of the first times I was allowed to ride in the front of the car and I think I was flushed and humming away and she wasn't quite starting the car. I turned and looked up at her and she just gazed at me with that beautiful face and said "Liked that, did you?" and I said "I DID!" and we hugged and laughed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tries to act like the queen who should be waited on and catered to. I recall as a child MANY times where my mother would sit on the couch in the living room with her bare feet on it (illegal in our house, but I guess just illegal for the peasants), with an iced Coke with a straw that my brother or I brought her while he and I were dusting and vacuuming and how much PURE GLEE she had in her voice saying "You missed a spot." She wouldn't even tell me where - she'd make me re-dust the whole dam room.

Once we totally humiliated her. Her friend was over and our mom said that she'd been busy the prior week taking care of one of us because we'd been home sick. We laughed and said, "No you didn't!" and she said, "Didn't I make you jello?" and we said, "No, Daddy did before he went to work." so she said "Didn't I make sure you took your medicine on time?" and we said, "No, we had to wake you up to tell you the time and ask if we could take it and then go write down the time." And on and on.

She always acted like she was SO BUSY running our household. But the truth is that she slept all morning, then made eggs and toast and brought the plate upstairs to EAT IN BED (also illegal for the peasants), then watch tv and nap, and she'd tell us to wake her up 15 minutes before our dad got home from work. When he'd get home she'd be sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and vaguely imply she had been busy furiously making calls.

Oh! She also always implied she spent all day on hold or trying to make appointments. Like we really believed she spent all day trying to make a haircut appointment or a vet appointment. Same with doctors appointments. My brother and I would spend five minutes on the phone, and it'd be done. When we'd point that out to her she would be like "I guess you just called at the perfect time" or "I guess you have better luck than I do."

Ohh, this one is interesting. Anyone care to attempt to diagnose PP's mother?

She was depressed

She sounds both depressed and personality disordered in some way. She can't accomplish anything, but she feels very entitled and special and she lies.

+ depressed and lazy and maybe there was rum in the cokes...

Lol, I'm the one who posted that. My brother and I were pouring the Cokes and making her tea and bringing her seltzer with ice. She never had more than a sip of someone else's alcoholic drink a couple of times a year. Definitely not an alcoholic. The funny thing is, if she'd contributed more to the family, to community, etc. that would have probably helped with her depression.

Fascinating thread!

I especially love the poster who talked about the peasants and the queen

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing with trying to drag other aunties into it is it just drives us further away. When I hear "your aunt said (fill in the blank with something negative and judgmental) about you and your family not attending a holiday or whatever)" I just don't want to deal with Aunt Judgy ever. Then, I recall the way Aunt Judgy gossips about her own adult children and how nasty she is about any women who marry in (never the men) and I just think life is too stressful to force myself to deal with Aunt Judgy's negativity.

OH, I don't know why this made me laugh, but mom used to insist as kids we wear our pearls to all family events. We are not wealthy wasps, but she thought this is what wealthy wasps do, so me must too. Of course if we ever dared marry out of our ethnic group she would be livid, yet she had a fascination with pretending to be wealthy wasps.

Queen Larla's grandchild here. Same. Not pearls, but weight. It was not ok to be even a normal BMI in our household. You had to be skinny. My grandmother and mother desperately wanted to be wealthy WASPs. To be fair, a lot of people still do. From the perspective of a poor immigrant, the WASP lifestyle seems pretty luxurious.

Mostly I find it really sad, but there were definitely some funny moments.

I forgot to mention that too..pearls and be skinny, "but not so skinny people thing you have cancer." My immigrant grandma once cried because she thought I looked too thin and my mother just glared at her. One topic of gossip is who gained weight and who is fat. The sad thing is the people most likely to judge those who are overweight are now overweight themselves and they still gossip about who is fat, they just don't include themselves. This includes royal sibling and a royal cousin (once bone thin who is now obese and has always been harshly critical of those with weight issues?!)

Anonymous wrote:The thing with trying to drag other aunties into it is it just drives us further away. When I hear "your aunt said (fill in the blank with something negative and judgmental) about you and your family not attending a holiday or whatever)" I just don't want to deal with Aunt Judgy ever. Then, I recall the way Aunt Judgy gossips about her own adult children and how nasty she is about any women who marry in (never the men) and I just think life is too stressful to force myself to deal with Aunt Judgy's negativity.

OH, I don't know why this made me laugh, but mom used to insist as kids we wear our pearls to all family events. We are not wealthy wasps, but she thought this is what wealthy wasps do, so me must too. Of course if we ever dared marry out of our ethnic group she would be livid, yet she had a fascination with pretending to be wealthy wasps.

Queen Larla's grandchild here. Same. Not pearls, but weight. It was not ok to be even a normal BMI in our household. You had to be skinny. My grandmother and mother desperately wanted to be wealthy WASPs. To be fair, a lot of people still do. From the perspective of a poor immigrant, the WASP lifestyle seems pretty luxurious.

Mostly I find it really sad, but there were definitely some funny moments.

Anonymous wrote:Somebody call Andy Cohen.

Ha. I was thinking the same!!!

Somebody call Andy Cohen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tries to act like the queen who should be waited on and catered to. I recall as a child MANY times where my mother would sit on the couch in the living room with her bare feet on it (illegal in our house, but I guess just illegal for the peasants), with an iced Coke with a straw that my brother or I brought her while he and I were dusting and vacuuming and how much PURE GLEE she had in her voice saying "You missed a spot." She wouldn't even tell me where - she'd make me re-dust the whole dam room.

Once we totally humiliated her. Her friend was over and our mom said that she'd been busy the prior week taking care of one of us because we'd been home sick. We laughed and said, "No you didn't!" and she said, "Didn't I make you jello?" and we said, "No, Daddy did before he went to work." so she said "Didn't I make sure you took your medicine on time?" and we said, "No, we had to wake you up to tell you the time and ask if we could take it and then go write down the time." And on and on.

She always acted like she was SO BUSY running our household. But the truth is that she slept all morning, then made eggs and toast and brought the plate upstairs to EAT IN BED (also illegal for the peasants), then watch tv and nap, and she'd tell us to wake her up 15 minutes before our dad got home from work. When he'd get home she'd be sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and vaguely imply she had been busy furiously making calls.

Oh! She also always implied she spent all day on hold or trying to make appointments. Like we really believed she spent all day trying to make a haircut appointment or a vet appointment. Same with doctors appointments. My brother and I would spend five minutes on the phone, and it'd be done. When we'd point that out to her she would be like "I guess you just called at the perfect time" or "I guess you have better luck than I do."

Ohh, this one is interesting. Anyone care to attempt to diagnose PP's mother?

She was depressed

She sounds both depressed and personality disordered in some way. She can't accomplish anything, but she feels very entitled and special and she lies.

+ depressed and lazy and maybe there was rum in the cokes...

LOL. My MIL acted like this, but there was no hiding the alcohol. She was drinking beer and mixed drinks openly.

The thing with trying to drag other aunties into it is it just drives us further away. When I hear "your aunt said (fill in the blank with something negative and judgmental) about you and your family not attending a holiday or whatever)" I just don't want to deal with Aunt Judgy ever. Then, I recall the way Aunt Judgy gossips about her own adult children and how nasty she is about any women who marry in (never the men) and I just think life is too stressful to force myself to deal with Aunt Judgy's negativity.

OH, I don't know why this made me laugh, but mom used to insist as kids we wear our pearls to all family events. We are not wealthy wasps, but she thought this is what wealthy wasps do, so me must too. Of course if we ever dared marry out of our ethnic group she would be livid, yet she had a fascination with pretending to be wealthy wasps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tries to act like the queen who should be waited on and catered to. I recall as a child MANY times where my mother would sit on the couch in the living room with her bare feet on it (illegal in our house, but I guess just illegal for the peasants), with an iced Coke with a straw that my brother or I brought her while he and I were dusting and vacuuming and how much PURE GLEE she had in her voice saying "You missed a spot." She wouldn't even tell me where - she'd make me re-dust the whole dam room.

Once we totally humiliated her. Her friend was over and our mom said that she'd been busy the prior week taking care of one of us because we'd been home sick. We laughed and said, "No you didn't!" and she said, "Didn't I make you jello?" and we said, "No, Daddy did before he went to work." so she said "Didn't I make sure you took your medicine on time?" and we said, "No, we had to wake you up to tell you the time and ask if we could take it and then go write down the time." And on and on.

She always acted like she was SO BUSY running our household. But the truth is that she slept all morning, then made eggs and toast and brought the plate upstairs to EAT IN BED (also illegal for the peasants), then watch tv and nap, and she'd tell us to wake her up 15 minutes before our dad got home from work. When he'd get home she'd be sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and vaguely imply she had been busy furiously making calls.

Oh! She also always implied she spent all day on hold or trying to make appointments. Like we really believed she spent all day trying to make a haircut appointment or a vet appointment. Same with doctors appointments. My brother and I would spend five minutes on the phone, and it'd be done. When we'd point that out to her she would be like "I guess you just called at the perfect time" or "I guess you have better luck than I do."

Ohh, this one is interesting. Anyone care to attempt to diagnose PP's mother?

She was depressed

She sounds both depressed and personality disordered in some way. She can't accomplish anything, but she feels very entitled and special and she lies.

+ depressed and lazy and maybe there was rum in the cokes...

Its called narcissistic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tries to act like the queen who should be waited on and catered to. I recall as a child MANY times where my mother would sit on the couch in the living room with her bare feet on it (illegal in our house, but I guess just illegal for the peasants), with an iced Coke with a straw that my brother or I brought her while he and I were dusting and vacuuming and how much PURE GLEE she had in her voice saying "You missed a spot." She wouldn't even tell me where - she'd make me re-dust the whole dam room.

Once we totally humiliated her. Her friend was over and our mom said that she'd been busy the prior week taking care of one of us because we'd been home sick. We laughed and said, "No you didn't!" and she said, "Didn't I make you jello?" and we said, "No, Daddy did before he went to work." so she said "Didn't I make sure you took your medicine on time?" and we said, "No, we had to wake you up to tell you the time and ask if we could take it and then go write down the time." And on and on.

She always acted like she was SO BUSY running our household. But the truth is that she slept all morning, then made eggs and toast and brought the plate upstairs to EAT IN BED (also illegal for the peasants), then watch tv and nap, and she'd tell us to wake her up 15 minutes before our dad got home from work. When he'd get home she'd be sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and vaguely imply she had been busy furiously making calls.

Oh! She also always implied she spent all day on hold or trying to make appointments. Like we really believed she spent all day trying to make a haircut appointment or a vet appointment. Same with doctors appointments. My brother and I would spend five minutes on the phone, and it'd be done. When we'd point that out to her she would be like "I guess you just called at the perfect time" or "I guess you have better luck than I do."

Ohh, this one is interesting. Anyone care to attempt to diagnose PP's mother?

She was depressed

She sounds both depressed and personality disordered in some way. She can't accomplish anything, but she feels very entitled and special and she lies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tries to act like the queen who should be waited on and catered to. I recall as a child MANY times where my mother would sit on the couch in the living room with her bare feet on it (illegal in our house, but I guess just illegal for the peasants), with an iced Coke with a straw that my brother or I brought her while he and I were dusting and vacuuming and how much PURE GLEE she had in her voice saying "You missed a spot." She wouldn't even tell me where - she'd make me re-dust the whole dam room.

Once we totally humiliated her. Her friend was over and our mom said that she'd been busy the prior week taking care of one of us because we'd been home sick. We laughed and said, "No you didn't!" and she said, "Didn't I make you jello?" and we said, "No, Daddy did before he went to work." so she said "Didn't I make sure you took your medicine on time?" and we said, "No, we had to wake you up to tell you the time and ask if we could take it and then go write down the time." And on and on.

She always acted like she was SO BUSY running our household. But the truth is that she slept all morning, then made eggs and toast and brought the plate upstairs to EAT IN BED (also illegal for the peasants), then watch tv and nap, and she'd tell us to wake her up 15 minutes before our dad got home from work. When he'd get home she'd be sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and vaguely imply she had been busy furiously making calls.

Oh! She also always implied she spent all day on hold or trying to make appointments. Like we really believed she spent all day trying to make a haircut appointment or a vet appointment. Same with doctors appointments. My brother and I would spend five minutes on the phone, and it'd be done. When we'd point that out to her she would be like "I guess you just called at the perfect time" or "I guess you have better luck than I do."

Ohh, this one is interesting. Anyone care to attempt to diagnose PP's mother?

She was depressed