Anonymous wrote:I always ignore the eye rolls and the muttering under the breathe AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT I'M TELLING THEM.

Me: Go clean your room
Kid mumbling as she walks off to clean her room: Why don't YOU go clean YOUR room?

I let that go. Because she's going to clean her room.

This is in line with a parenting book I read. The teen expert said that as long as they are still obeying you with that eye roll, you still have them. The problem is when they are no longer obeying you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ignore the eye rolls and the muttering under the breathe AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT I'M TELLING THEM.

Me: Go clean your room
Kid mumbling as she walks off to clean her room: Why don't YOU go clean YOUR room?

I let that go. Because she's going to clean her room.

I pretty much do the same thing.

+1

Pick your battles.

Also, plausible deniability matters. If she says something rude TO ME, then I address it. But if she's muttering under her breath, I let it slide.

Anonymous wrote:Eye rolls don’t fly in our house. They are up there with pointing a finger in someone’s face in terms of disrespect. Not acceptable at all.

They just need to learn to do it out of your sight...like I do with my DH. I employ regular unseen-by-him eyerolls. I'd go crazy if I didn't with some of the crazy sh** he says.

Anonymous wrote:I always ignore the eye rolls and the muttering under the breathe AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT I'M TELLING THEM.

Me: Go clean your room
Kid mumbling as she walks off to clean her room: Why don't YOU go clean YOUR room?

I let that go. Because she's going to clean her room.

THIS.

Pretty much ignored them in our house with the occasional comment here and there. DD who is 2 years older than DS but 3 years difference in school, moved away after HS, came back and saw DS was doing the same thing she did a few years earlier. She was shocked and apologized to me when she realized how obnoxious it was. So even though we ignored, she did circle around and realize what a PITA teens are.

As other PPs noted, if you're getting good reports back from outside your house, then count your blessings. You will have bigger battles to pick than these.

Anonymous wrote:Tread lightly... I was very bothered by my DD expressing her upset/frustrations and I would respond to let her know that is unacceptable, remind her to be pleasant, or shut that down. DD went through a self-harm (cutting) stage in teen years and after reading up on cutting I really suspect my redirecting all negative emotion expression from her was a root cause.
I like the PP’s outlook that home is a sanctuary for your child too, and a safe space to be with all their messy emotions. I wish I had articulated that outlook for my DD’s youth.

I fear I have entered the same territory with my daughter. What did you do or change that was most helpful? Are things better for her now? I think I’m just looking for some reassurance. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend the book "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood"

Is there a similar book on boys?? I need a tween/teen boy book.

Masterminds and Wingmen

Yup, that’s a good one. Also the new Decoding Boys is good. Boys and Sex is an eye opener if you have time/desire for a longer more focused book.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye rolls don’t fly in our house. They are up there with pointing a finger in someone’s face in terms of disrespect. Not acceptable at all.

So what do you do if your child rolls their eyes? What would the consequence be?

DP here. if your kids are regularly doing eye rolls then it is already too late. You have to nip it in the bud the first time. For my kids, the consequence.pretty much was me making a big deal out of it and making it a teachable week. I was capable of giving a never ending lecture about inappropriate behavior, how it is disrespectful, how it is a sign of poor parentaling, terrible home environment, low education...etc etc. Until my kids realized that it was far too unpleasant to do bad behaviour because then life pretty much sucked. Also, I was quite capable of asking their friends things like, "Are you allowed to be disrespectful to your parent?", "Is my child disrespectful to teachers at school?". It was uncomfortable and embarrassing for them to misbehave. All this happened when they were tweens and early teens. I did not give them time outs, or took away privileges. I.just made it very uncomfortable for them to be disrespectful. Other than that, my kids have a very privileged and cushy life. They have to work hard but they are showered with resources, conveniences, attention and love

Anonymous wrote:Eye rolls don’t fly in our house. They are up there with pointing a finger in someone’s face in terms of disrespect. Not acceptable at all.

+ 1
At the same time I have very good relationship with my kids and their friends and I have nothimg to complain about. I respect them too and respect and politeness goes.both ways. Independence and autonomy is earned and my kids prove themselves worthy of it.

The eye rolling cracks me up as does the sass. So I try really hard not to laugh. I look at it as the early stages of self-advocacy. If they cannot express frustration or anger or annoyance in the safety of their own home, how are they supposed to learn to do it outside the home appropriately? I actually score eye rolls like an Olympic sport. “That was a 9.0 from the Fins, but a 7.0 from the Russian judge!” 9 times out of 10 that gets a laugh and sometimes a hug. Sassy tone I think about context. If I am in high mom mode and I am giving instructions or “reminding,” I ignore, “I’ve got it,” in an annoyed tone. If she jumps down my throat for no reason I ask her to walk it back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend the book "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood"

Is there a similar book on boys?? I need a tween/teen boy book.

Masterminds and Wingmen

Tread lightly... I was very bothered by my DD expressing her upset/frustrations and I would respond to let her know that is unacceptable, remind her to be pleasant, or shut that down. DD went through a self-harm (cutting) stage in teen years and after reading up on cutting I really suspect my redirecting all negative emotion expression from her was a root cause.
I like the PP’s outlook that home is a sanctuary for your child too, and a safe space to be with all their messy emotions. I wish I had articulated that outlook for my DD’s youth.

Some kids are more energized by conflict than others; pick the hills you want to die on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always ignore the eye rolls and the muttering under the breathe AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT I'M TELLING THEM.

Me: Go clean your room
Kid mumbling as she walks off to clean her room: Why don't YOU go clean YOUR room?

I let that go. Because she's going to clean her room.

I pretty much do the same thing.

So do I. It’s saved my sanity.

Anonymous wrote:I highly recommend the book "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood"

Is there a similar book on boys?? I need a tween/teen boy book.