Someone told me long ago, it’s split in half... I’m no lawyer though

Go to marriage counseling! You two basically have an empire and you’re going to break it apart and piss it away on lawyers?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That happened to a friend of mine. Marital assets were divided but pre-marital assets were retained. The kids now hate their mom for breaking up the family.

We don’t have any premarital assets to speak of married 20 years. My kids have asked me if we are going to stay together and don’t seem upset if we don’t. Unfortunately neither is close to their dad. They are close to me. He’s tough to live with , controlling, not physically or emotionally accessible

LOL. It’s ALWAYS spouse’s fault. That’s nothing new. Your Dh will say the same.

No it’s not his fault. And we are definitely friends. I just don’t see us together in the future. I’m pretty sure he might feel the same. Are there some resentments on both sides? Sure that’s just a 20 year marriage. Yes my perspective is he is those things mentioned he’d have his own issues with me I’m sure. He’s also a good person, smart etc I just don’t think we are happy enough to make it the next 20-30 years. The tell tale sign for me is is I’m happier when he is gone or traveling for work.

OP, you don’t sound miserable, you sound like you’re just not as happy as you’d like to be. Try to sort out whether this is a fleeting feeling due to midlife crisis or something truly worth blowing up your family’s lives before doing anything drastic.

Fair point. We are having a lot of difficult issues with our oldest son. That’s certainly contributing to both our unhappiness. Think I’m just in a funk good reminder that’s not why you end a marriage. I’ve always been a bit of a wanna leave when things are hard person not my best trait for sure. I’m going to look into some family therapy and some changes for myself

Don’t leave.

I know a few couples that divorced and then one parent was essentially saddled with the problem child. It’s financially and emotionally draining. The parent never thought their spouse would essentially abdicate all responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That happened to a friend of mine. Marital assets were divided but pre-marital assets were retained. The kids now hate their mom for breaking up the family.

We don’t have any premarital assets to speak of married 20 years. My kids have asked me if we are going to stay together and don’t seem upset if we don’t. Unfortunately neither is close to their dad. They are close to me. He’s tough to live with , controlling, not physically or emotionally accessible

LOL. It’s ALWAYS spouse’s fault. That’s nothing new. Your Dh will say the same.

No it’s not his fault. And we are definitely friends. I just don’t see us together in the future. I’m pretty sure he might feel the same. Are there some resentments on both sides? Sure that’s just a 20 year marriage. Yes my perspective is he is those things mentioned he’d have his own issues with me I’m sure. He’s also a good person, smart etc I just don’t think we are happy enough to make it the next 20-30 years. The tell tale sign for me is is I’m happier when he is gone or traveling for work.

OP, you don’t sound miserable, you sound like you’re just not as happy as you’d like to be. Try to sort out whether this is a fleeting feeling due to midlife crisis or something truly worth blowing up your family’s lives before doing anything drastic.

Fair point. We are having a lot of difficult issues with our oldest son. That’s certainly contributing to both our unhappiness. Think I’m just in a funk good reminder that’s not why you end a marriage. I’ve always been a bit of a wanna leave when things are hard person not my best trait for sure. I’m going to look into some family therapy and some changes for myself

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That happened to a friend of mine. Marital assets were divided but pre-marital assets were retained. The kids now hate their mom for breaking up the family.

We don’t have any premarital assets to speak of married 20 years. My kids have asked me if we are going to stay together and don’t seem upset if we don’t. Unfortunately neither is close to their dad. They are close to me. He’s tough to live with , controlling, not physically or emotionally accessible

LOL. It’s ALWAYS spouse’s fault. That’s nothing new. Your Dh will say the same.

No it’s not his fault. And we are definitely friends. I just don’t see us together in the future. I’m pretty sure he might feel the same. Are there some resentments on both sides? Sure that’s just a 20 year marriage. Yes my perspective is he is those things mentioned he’d have his own issues with me I’m sure. He’s also a good person, smart etc I just don’t think we are happy enough to make it the next 20-30 years. The tell tale sign for me is is I’m happier when he is gone or traveling for work.

OP, you don’t sound miserable, you sound like you’re just not as happy as you’d like to be. Try to sort out whether this is a fleeting feeling due to midlife crisis or something truly worth blowing up your family’s lives before doing anything drastic.

Alimony in MD is generally restorative and temporary.

1 year of alimony for every 3 years of marriage.

OP, given you are a 1%er and extremely high net worth I'd talk over your situation with a CPA and I would get consults with several divorce lawyers and see what they say.

Anonymous wrote:Default is 50-50 custody but kids get a say at that age.
Min to no alimony
Child support to 18 or 22 depending on circumstances
Split marital assets
Split debt. Mortgage debt will go to. Whomever gets the property
Mediation is mandatory
You have to live apart for a year

Here’s the thing. Most people grow apart while they’re raising their kids. When the kids are grown you have to work at forming the next stage of your relationship.

Here’s the other thing. You might be ok now but your kids are leaving in two years and you will have no job and no kids. It’s hard to reinvent yourself at this stage of life. It’s not easy. Considering this will you still be happy when he’s gone?

This is a key point. Be aware there are not many men in the dating pool bringing in 3 million per year. How would you feel about dating a man bringing in $100,000 per year.

Anonymous wrote:Alimony is very very rare nowadays. Generally it would awarded in a type of situation like woman married 40 years,
raised 5 kids and never worked and now age 60.

Given the OP's substantial assets if OP gets half I don't see why she needs alimony. Really with the assets they have even with half she would not need to work.

Biggest unknown is legal fees. If both parties hire lawyers and lawyers know they are extremely high net worth the legal fees could be giant.

There is something to be said for coasting until second kid is in college. It would make the divorce a lot simpler.
Simpler would mean significantly less legal fees.

It probably makes sense for OP to update her skill set now and take on a job know to get back into the workplace.

What makes you think that?

Alimony is very very rare nowadays. Generally it would awarded in a type of situation like woman married 40 years,
raised 5 kids and never worked and now age 60.

Given the OP's substantial assets if OP gets half I don't see why she needs alimony. Really with the assets they have even with half she would not need to work.

Biggest unknown is legal fees. If both parties hire lawyers and lawyers know they are extremely high net worth the legal fees could be giant.

There is something to be said for coasting until second kid is in college. It would make the divorce a lot simpler.
Simpler would mean significantly less legal fees.

It probably makes sense for OP to update her skill set now and take on a job know to get back into the workplace.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will get alimony and her share of the assets. He's pissed that the marriage didn't work out, he's had to to outsource passion, and he has to pay out his wife. She's pissed because she thought she was going to have a high earner and AND involved husband. Choices.

Alimony is for this situation.

Alimony is very, very limited these days. 3 years max if that.

I have consulted with multiple divorce attorneys in Maryland in the last 18 months for a similar situation and she will get 1/2 of assets plus more than 3 years of alimony, but whether she get indefinite alimony is a crapshoot (depends on the judge’s discretion if the two parties can’t agree to terms). Alimony is not 3 years max when one spouse has stayed home for most of a long term marriage and the other spouse is a high income earner.

I’d probably wait until my youngest went off to college given the situation doesn’t sound intolerable. Use that time to really think about the next phase of your life including a skills update so you go back to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will get alimony and her share of the assets. He's pissed that the marriage didn't work out, he's had to to outsource passion, and he has to pay out his wife. She's pissed because she thought she was going to have a high earner and AND involved husband. Choices.

Alimony is for this situation.

Alimony is very, very limited these days. 3 years max if that.

Woman gets the kids
Man gets the car
Lawyer gets the house

Anonymous wrote:She will get alimony and her share of the assets. He's pissed that the marriage didn't work out, he's had to to outsource passion, and he has to pay out his wife. She's pissed because she thought she was going to have a high earner and AND involved husband. Choices.

Alimony is for this situation.