Mine does- he actually takes the lead on most holidays! He does it because he really loves to do it- always has. He love surprising us with little things, decorating (well- balloons and maybe a banner etc on the kids’ bdays). He loves giving gifts and goes overboard, if anything..he does most of the Christmas shopping and decorating too.

I do the kids’ parties (with friends) but that is mostly because I know parents’ contact info and am a bit more organized.

I also tend to do more extended family gifts etc (both sides) but with online shopping it doesn’t take much time- small families though.

Works well.

My dad was a "very busy doctor" who literally did not know when my birthday was, who my friends were, what activities I was involved in, what grade I was in, when I was applying to college, etc.
He NEVER visited me at college, dropped me off at college, etc. Many of my college friends actually assumed my parents were divorced since they never met my dad.
It left me with lasting self-esteem issues and it is a terrible, unforgivable thing to do to a child.
IT was truly like not having a father and I had many of the same issues that girls that don't have dads have -- low self esteem, acting out, promiscuity, etc.
I am so happy that I married a man who values and prizes our family. THere are times that I literally cry when I see him interacting with our children because it is something that I never had.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad and I have not only attended every kid birthday party, but have also arranged the event, invited everyone, and (needless to say) paid for it. So much "emotional labor" for me!

Why are you putting “emotional labor” in quotes? When I plan a meeting at work, invite people, set up a venue, and set an agenda, I definitely consider it work. Most of the time it’s actually a lot less work than planning a kids birthday party.

DP. I’m a single dad and do it all. So I agree with the quoted emotional labor if he was trying to minimize or mock those who complain about it. I’m honored to serve my children and plan their parties. It’s no labor for me. If it is it’s one of love. They will be small for only so long.

I can see how this is a thing that, in some ways, is probably easier if you're a single parent and know that you have to just do it. It starts feeling onerous when the person who is supposed to be your partner in life (and co-parent of your children) just nopes out of all of the effort associated with maintaining the family and the relationships in it. It's less about the amount of work and more about the lack of respect to the effort your partner makes and unwillingness to engage in relationship work with your family. Your family and marriage needs more engagement than just bringing home a paycheck, you know?

Anonymous wrote:Zero effort on anything is a red flag. Find out what his and your "love language" is and have him express his love in any of the 5 love languages (book by I think Gary Chapman).

I personally don't care much on celebrating specific days. My DH wanted to go on a guys trip and the dates overlapped with our 10 year anniversary. I said Sure, go. This is because he is a loving caring husband in our every day lives. I don't need him to prepare anything for my birthday Christmas Valentine's or anniversary though I prepare some on his. He hardly does anything but show up for our two young kids birthday parties that I meticulously prepare for. But I don't begrudge him that either. Both of our love languages are "acts of service" and we each express that sufficiently 365 days a year.

To recap my own post, I'd be ok celebrating the kid birthday some other day if he values game night that much. But he does need to express his love for his wife and kids some other way. The book I mentioned classifies the 5 love languages. It's interesting to find out how your spouse ranks the five.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad and I have not only attended every kid birthday party, but have also arranged the event, invited everyone, and (needless to say) paid for it. So much "emotional labor" for me!

Why are you putting “emotional labor” in quotes? When I plan a meeting at work, invite people, set up a venue, and set an agenda, I definitely consider it work. Most of the time it’s actually a lot less work than planning a kids birthday party.

DP. I’m a single dad and do it all. So I agree with the quoted emotional labor if he was trying to minimize or mock those who complain about it. I’m honored to serve my children and plan their parties. It’s no labor for me. If it is it’s one of love. They will be small for only so long.

Zero effort on anything is a red flag. Find out what his and your "love language" is and have him express his love in any of the 5 love languages (book by I think Gary Chapman).

I personally don't care much on celebrating specific days. My DH wanted to go on a guys trip and the dates overlapped with our 10 year anniversary. I said Sure, go. This is because he is a loving caring husband in our every day lives. I don't need him to prepare anything for my birthday Christmas Valentine's or anniversary though I prepare some on his. He hardly does anything but show up for our two young kids birthday parties that I meticulously prepare for. But I don't begrudge him that either. Both of our love languages are "acts of service" and we each express that sufficiently 365 days a year.

My husband would never do that.

My birthday was last month. The weekend before we went away. On my birthday weekend we had a catered dinner party at our house with good friends. He took care of everything.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah let him pout. Sacrificing a little fun time on occasion for your kids is just the bare minimum that you expect of a parent.

OP, make sure to watch his behavior. If he acts terribly, makes a bid deal of it or tries to ruin it, probably a narcissist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad and I have not only attended every kid birthday party, but have also arranged the event, invited everyone, and (needless to say) paid for it. So much "emotional labor" for me!

Why are you putting “emotional labor” in quotes? When I plan a meeting at work, invite people, set up a venue, and set an agenda, I definitely consider it work. Most of the time it’s actually a lot less work than planning a kids birthday party.

another dad here - and I also plan/execute birthday parties for our kids. I go in big on DW's birthday, our anniversary. Also, I tend to buy special gifts for our 3 kids from time to time - something specific for the kid when they've worked exceptionally hard on a something at school or in an EC.

and before anyone goes off tangent about responsibilities, I earn 5x as much as DW, am the primary cook, handle all finances, some of the appoints (but all the school forms), deal with house maintenance, work out daily at 5 am in our basement/garage...and yet I'm always DTF

My husband doesn’t actually buy the kids’ presents, decorate the house, plan the party, etc. - But we talk about it in advance and plan the gift we will get, which days we will celebrate with immediate family and later with friends, what type of events we want to have. I would not need to remind my husband to come home on time or a little early on our kids’ birthdays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad and I have not only attended every kid birthday party, but have also arranged the event, invited everyone, and (needless to say) paid for it. So much "emotional labor" for me!

Why are you putting “emotional labor” in quotes? When I plan a meeting at work, invite people, set up a venue, and set an agenda, I definitely consider it work. Most of the time it’s actually a lot less work than planning a kids birthday party.

Because women love to pretend there is some great emotionally draining component to the process of "planning stuff" above and beyond the amount of time it takes.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess - he works full time and you are a SHAM, am i right?

We both WOH FT.

I may buy most of the presents but kids birthday parties are always high priority for my husband. He's never done a poker night and except for playing sports he doesn't just hang out with the guys. Maybe some guys just weren't meant to be fathers.

Mine is not great on day to day stuff but he plans our kids parties. For my birthday we always joke that I get a birthday week and he does a little something nice for me on each day. It might be very little, like last time he gave me a single rose one day, a helium balloon the next, finally put together a chair I'd been asking him to do for a while, etc...just little something each day.

That said, no one in our family cares much about celebrating on the day of. If we had decided to do a family dinner, we'd pick a time that worked even if not the exact day of the birth. We 'float' birthdays, holidays, etc. all the time and no one feels insulted by it. I wouldn't ask anyone to give up something planned to have a dinner that can just as easily be done the following day.

You are not being unreasonable at all OP. Even having a weekly gamenight sounds like a complete luxury with young kids. Of course he should skip for a child's birthday night.