Anonymous
Post 02/09/2020 15:03     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


She's going to find out sooner or later and won't be happy you hid that from her. Kind of a huge deal, unlike most of the responses on this thread.

Anonymous
Post 02/09/2020 14:59     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
You should watch the Netflix series, Good Girls.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 18:28     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Zero judgment on the adoption but there’s no guarantee your wife won’t find out in the era of dna testing. The baby might seek you out.


Yup. Your wife is going to find out about this unless you can somehow guarantee that NOONE in your extended family does 23 and me.


That's not how 23 and me works. If I were to do 23 and me tomorrow its not like they send out notices to everyone that I'm remotely related to.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 17:50     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


If I were your spouse and this adult child came knocking, I wouldn't be upset with you. You made a responsible choice and moved on. This isn't the same as fathering a child and jumping ship- for that child or partner to that come back at you for financial support- I would be pissed about that.

And to the OP. It sounds like the issue you had is resolved so no sense in bringing it up. I would move on but being careful to make better financial choices and including spouse in them


If be upset if my spouse never told me. Not that it happened, shit happens, but that you didn't share.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 17:48     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Good luck with that. One day, that child may come knocking on the door with the results of a DNA test and records that are much easier to track in 2005 than they were in 1985. A lot is electronic now.


Extremely unlikely. It would have happened already if it was so easy.


The child is only 24. Plenty of time for him or her to want to track pp down in the future. Think: when she had his or her own kids. Or when his or her parents pass away. Or mid life crisis time. Or health crisis time.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 15:50     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Good luck with that. One day, that child may come knocking on the door with the results of a DNA test and records that are much easier to track in 2005 than they were in 1985. A lot is electronic now.


Extremely unlikely. It would have happened already if it was so easy.




Never say never. People have their reasons for waiting.

I'm 44 and about to contact my birth father. Contact was made with my birth mother in my late 20's.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 15:45     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Zero judgment on the adoption but there’s no guarantee your wife won’t find out in the era of dna testing. The baby might seek you out.


Yup. Your wife is going to find out about this unless you can somehow guarantee that NOONE in your extended family does 23 and me.

Not just pp’s family, also the bio mom’s family. If adoptee finds bio mom she would probably tell him the name of his bio father also.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 15:43     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


If I were your spouse and this adult child came knocking, I wouldn't be upset with you. You made a responsible choice and moved on. This isn't the same as fathering a child and jumping ship- for that child or partner to that come back at you for financial support- I would be pissed about that.

And to the OP. It sounds like the issue you had is resolved so no sense in bringing it up. I would move on but being careful to make better financial choices and including spouse in them

I’d be upset that he never mentioned it, not that it happened. And PP, just because your child showing up hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t. I know a lot of adoptees and many that decide to search wait until they feel ready, often when they are having their own families because that triggers so many feelings.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 14:55     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


If I were your spouse and this adult child came knocking, I wouldn't be upset with you. You made a responsible choice and moved on. This isn't the same as fathering a child and jumping ship- for that child or partner to that come back at you for financial support- I would be pissed about that.

And to the OP. It sounds like the issue you had is resolved so no sense in bringing it up. I would move on but being careful to make better financial choices and including spouse in them
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 14:40     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Zero judgment on the adoption but there’s no guarantee your wife won’t find out in the era of dna testing. The baby might seek you out.


Yup. Your wife is going to find out about this unless you can somehow guarantee that NOONE in your extended family does 23 and me.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 14:39     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
When you say "my family" do you mean your parents and siblings, or do you mean the family you have made with your husband?

Were you married to him when all this happened?
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 14:13     Subject: Re:Keeping old secrets from spouse
Will it ever occur to your husband to ask what happened with the settlement? I would only tell him if there's something that has to be reported for your taxes.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 12:49     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Zero judgment on the adoption but there’s no guarantee your wife won’t find out in the era of dna testing. The baby might seek you out.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 12:46     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Good luck with that. One day, that child may come knocking on the door with the results of a DNA test and records that are much easier to track in 2005 than they were in 1985. A lot is electronic now.


Extremely unlikely. It would have happened already if it was so easy.
Anonymous
Post 02/08/2020 12:15     Subject: Keeping old secrets from spouse
Anonymous wrote:My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.


Good luck with that. One day, that child may come knocking on the door with the results of a DNA test and records that are much easier to track in 2005 than they were in 1985. A lot is electronic now.