Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have watched too many friends fall into the role of Mommy. They put all of their energy into their kids. They will complain they are too tired for date night but then have let their six year old dictate that they want ice skating lessons at 6 am. Or they won’t hire a sitter because the kids don’t like sitters. It’s like they put their relationships with their husbands on ice and the kids always come first. Or they let their kids crawl into bed with them every night or sleep in their kids’ rooms. I am not saying kids should be neglected but they don’t need 3 or 4 activities or inconvenient ones and too bad if they don’t like sitters and they can sleep in their own beds. In particular, I have 3 friends all divorced in the last 2 years who fell into this child-centric role. Their husbands didn’t have much say in the kids’ lives and we’re definitely at the bottom of the pecking order of priorities. They now contemplate what happened to their marriages and while one admits the dynamic changed with kids, another blames her DH for his affair and the third is just mad her DH didn’t stick it out. I keep my mouth shut but I really think their hyper focus on the kids was a major contributor.

You outed yourself despite trying to write it like you were a woman.

Anonymous wrote:I have watched too many friends fall into the role of Mommy. They put all of their energy into their kids. They will complain they are too tired for date night but then have let their six year old dictate that they want ice skating lessons at 6 am. Or they won’t hire a sitter because the kids don’t like sitters. It’s like they put their relationships with their husbands on ice and the kids always come first. Or they let their kids crawl into bed with them every night or sleep in their kids’ rooms. I am not saying kids should be neglected but they don’t need 3 or 4 activities or inconvenient ones and too bad if they don’t like sitters and they can sleep in their own beds. In particular, I have 3 friends all divorced in the last 2 years who fell into this child-centric role. Their husbands didn’t have much say in the kids’ lives and we’re definitely at the bottom of the pecking order of priorities. They now contemplate what happened to their marriages and while one admits the dynamic changed with kids, another blames her DH for his affair and the third is just mad her DH didn’t stick it out. I keep my mouth shut but I really think their hyper focus on the kids was a major contributor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "fall into the role of Mommy." She is the mommy. If they don't parent, who will? Sounds like Dad isn't doing anything to change the unhealthy part of the dynamic.

Also, of the divorced couples we know, we have no real insight into what was going on in their relationships. I don't think you should assume you know either.

+1

Anonymous wrote:The most successful families I know both mom and dad pour all their energy into family/kids. The kids thrive and the wife/husband honor both of their commitments to raise their kids with commitment.

They don’t belly ache about having less dates, less happy hours, or less money, or less energy.

They are tough and committed and reap the benefits as their kids become successful adults also committed to family.

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "fall into the role of Mommy." She is the mommy. If they don't parent, who will? Sounds like Dad isn't doing anything to change the unhealthy part of the dynamic.

Also, of the divorced couples we know, we have no real insight into what was going on in their relationships. I don't think you should assume you know either.