Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to bringing canned goods in lieu of a gift?

Oh well, you see, little Timmy instead is able to give a big donation in his name and probably gets a plaque or something so everyone knows how charitable he is.

While I like the theory behind echoage parties, I think for children, they would understand better about giving back if they were the ones doing the act. This really isn't teaching them about giving back because it's them performing a kind act, it's their moms. I definitely don't agree to a service fee, the moms who created this idea should be donating their time to disperse the funds. Really, it's a way to make money gimmick, not really about celebrating giving.

Ok...we have no gift parties. My kid has too much to begin with. We throw a big party to celebrate his birthday and everyone has fun! Including parents.

I am one of the first responders that said - no way! I also would have an issue with it as we have a budget for gift-giving for the year and to stick with that I look for gifts throughout the year for those we typically give birthday gifts to (friends kids, family, etc) and assume I may do this for schoolmates once my kids are there. I've already done this with daycare friends. I am still thinking of the particular child when selecting a gift, but most of the time have purchased a gift before their party invitation.

This would make me take pause in going to the party and bringing the gift. However, I would probably still go to the party and take the gift because that's how I am.

Hm. Tough one. My initial reaction is that it's tacky. However, how many of you other posters saying that it's tacky are supremely pissed off when you're invited to a "no gifts" party? Seems like moms are damned if they do, damned if they don't. We personally have two grandmas that overbuy like CRAZY for my DS. We also are fairly particular about non-toxic toys and allowing our child a lot of natural play. When it comes time for birthday parties, what do you do? According to many on this board (based on rants on other party threads) the only "correct" thing a parent can do is throw a regular ole' party, make no mention of gifts, and then just accept the unwanted gifts, donating if they are against parenting values, etc. (And I bet that goes over well with the three year old set!).

I think my position on this issue is to do the "no gifts" party and put any gifts brought to the party aside for opening later so that no party attendees feel badly. Some of you may think that's jerky, too, but I'd rather it to this pick your own gift. That said, I sympathize with the echo-age party throwers, because some people REAAAALLY want to bring gifts, and you're in a tough position with that.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone get a grip, it is a 5 year old's birthday party not a state dinner. The only protocal that matters is fun and safety. Just give them the gift they requested and let your child have fun at the party. Don't perpetuate the stereotype of gossipy women always shocked that someone else is being tacky.

If you're trying to teach your child the importance of giving, this is not the way to do so. So it's not about being "gossipy." It's about practicing what you preach and being a decent role model.

I ignore these types of parties. It's not worth the hassle. Your kids will eventually find friends who share their lifestyle and who mirror their personalities. So why torment yourself by attending these parties?

Everyone get a grip, it is a 5 year old's birthday party not a state dinner. The only protocal that matters is fun and safety. Just give them the gift they requested and let your child have fun at the party. Don't perpetuate the stereotype of gossipy women always shocked that someone else is being tacky.

Anonymous wrote:Here's another reason not to go along, from the echoage website:

"To provide ease and convenience for parents and maximum financial impact for charities, ECHOage charges a service fee of 15% per party. ECHOage incurs all costs for the transaction of funds for each of our charity partners as well as all costs for running the ECHOage infrastructure and service."

A 15% fee is ridiculous! As someone who works in fundraising for a major nonprofit, I can tell you that that is a total rip-off. If you want to give a charitable gift, please make it directly to the organization. Don't go through a group like this that is skimming a significant portion of the money away from nonprofits who need it.

climbing down from soapbox now...

I agree with this post. Also, what "cost for the transaction of funds" are they talking about. A wire transfer fee? A check. This was a total red flag for me, plus I did not see the listing of charities anywhere. This looks like a scam to me.

Here's another reason not to go along, from the echoage website:

"To provide ease and convenience for parents and maximum financial impact for charities, ECHOage charges a service fee of 15% per party. ECHOage incurs all costs for the transaction of funds for each of our charity partners as well as all costs for running the ECHOage infrastructure and service."

A 15% fee is ridiculous! As someone who works in fundraising for a major nonprofit, I can tell you that that is a total rip-off. If you want to give a charitable gift, please make it directly to the organization. Don't go through a group like this that is skimming a significant portion of the money away from nonprofits who need it.

climbing down from soapbox now...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Suddenly instead of being invited to something, I'm being told to spend my money.

PP again.

I don't see it this way at all. I doubt that the gift is mandatory in this case, just as it wouldn't be at a regular party. I see it just as any other gift that I'd buy for that child. I'd spent X amount; this just gives me some guidelines.

Sorry, I really don't get this outrage. It's just a different way to do things. A good way to talk to your kids about charities and about environmentally conscious giving.

Gifts are optional. You are not suppose to ask or expect a gift. Telling someone to give money to charity is requiring a gift. Even if you say "in lieu of," you are implying a gift was expected.

I think it is wonderful to encourage children to give to charities - just use your own money - or have the child raise money outside of a birthday party. Or say nothing about gifts and allow the child to donate any gifts he or she gets.

I see where the host is coming from, and I don't think it's about just wrapping paper. It's about more new clothes, plastic toys, and stuff that is yes, thoughtful, but wasteful, since it's taboo to give second-hand gifts. I had two lists for my baby shower - new and second-hand - and everyone bought new. Which was fine, but it resonated that even if the recipient is saying 'I'd prefer second-hand', gift-givers just aren't comfortable with that for a number of reasons. (And I, as a gift-giver, wouldn't give something second hand either, so in retrospect it was a pointless effort - lesson learned.) It is really hard for some of us to justify opening a new toy or new clothes when we have plenty, and would be just as happy with second-hand (giving to charity is fine, but often the gift-giver wants to see the present opened and enjoyed, so I'll always respect that).,

I wouldn't boycott the party or go to that extreme. If you were going to go buy a present, then I'd donate what you'd normally spend on the kid, and realize that the family is choosing to donate half to charity, reduce waste, and eliminate the inevitable mixed feelings that come with a collective gift opening at the party. But if you were planning on making something homemade and not store-bought like a scrapbook, or a knitted hat, or a super-fun playdate IOU, or baking the kid's favorite treat, I would still do that instead. If you are concerned that your child won't be able to express their affection for the recipient with a shiny new toy, it's a great time to teach them that baking, drawing, crafting, etc. are wonderful ways to show a friend that they care and thought about the gift, and that the cost of the gift isn't what matters.

Whatever happened to bringing canned goods in lieu of a gift?

Horribly tacky. How about the part where no one else but the party giver can see how much each person paid? AND the partygiver gets a tax receipt. Did anyone find a list of the charities? I couldn't.

I'd buy a gift and bring it. I, personally, wouldn't participate in this. I don't want to encourage it.

From an interview with Miss Manners on NPR:

ELLIOTT: Miss Manners, we can't let you go without asking, what is the most important holiday etiquette lesson you've learned over the years?

Ms. MARTIN: That I've learned? I teach. I don't learn. I learned them long ago. I teach them. And the one that I am trying to teach is there is no way to make blatant greed polite. The gift registry thing is never a good idea and has gotten hideous in that people are constantly telling other people to buy them things: `Give me this,' the trading of shopping lists, `I want this,' and `This wasn't what I asked for and you take it back and get me something better' and `I prefer cash' or--all of that stuff is just rude, rude, rude and it makes present exchanging meaningless, the whole custom meaningless. `Why don't you do your own shopping? You know what you want. I'll do my shopping. Why are we exchanging things?' Because there's supposed to be a little thoughtfulness in there. And greed has become so blatantly expressed that it has made the whole exercise pointless. So I keep trying to teach that.

Anonymous wrote:Isn't the point of giving someone a gift just that? Getting something that they would want? It's not about the gift-giver. It's about the recipient. If this is what the child/parents want, why not go along with it? What's the harm?

It's actually about the gift-giver, because giving the gift is optional. A gift is free, no strings attached, an expression of friendship or love or whatever.

The giftee is not ordering from a catalog. She/he is receiving what the gift-giver wishes to give him/her (or not).

If the giftee has a particular desire, s/he should buy that item.

You can't order a gift.

Anonymous wrote: Suddenly instead of being invited to something, I'm being told to spend my money.

PP again.

I don't see it this way at all. I doubt that the gift is mandatory in this case, just as it wouldn't be at a regular party. I see it just as any other gift that I'd buy for that child. I'd spent X amount; this just gives me some guidelines.

Sorry, I really don't get this outrage. It's just a different way to do things. A good way to talk to your kids about charities and about environmentally conscious giving.