Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

Way to put the needs of the child first.

"Larla, your mother can't be relied upon to provide transportation to school, so to make up for that, you need to change schools."

Larla your father and stepmother refuse to pay enough child support for transportation, so now they want to gain full custody.

This is hard because you want stability for the child without punishing the mother. I would suggest meeting with a lawyer (with your DH obviously), with as much documentation as you can cobble together, to discuss your options.

Documentation should include:
1. Mother's addresses and length of time living in them (dates are better)
2. Number of days each year that step-DD has been absent from school.
3. Already attempted remedies (talking to mom about changing days, efforts to drive step-DD to school from mom's house, etc)
4. ALL current custody/child support documentation
5. Who she's been staying with at these addresses/information about concerns related to that.

Plus whatever else you have/know about mom. A lawyer can tell you all the things DCUM can't, including how much of it will depend on which judge you get, and the laws in your jurisdiction.

This isn't about mom being poor, this is about step-DD missing school because her parent can't always get her there, when there are other options available. You may put on the table that as soon as mom gets a permanent home custody reverts to its current schedule so that the judge/lawyers/mom know its about stability and permanence and not punishment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has Dad approached Mom and proposed that the DD live with him during school week w/ no change to custody payment? And asked Mom what kind of visitation schedule she would like if DD were living with him during school week?

Really hard to believe that any mom would say no to this as long as it was assured in writing that child support would not be affected and that mom would still get reasonable visitation.

Going thru courts only makes it harder to agree and more costly.

I agree with other PPs that knowing why her work is unstable and why she's moving is important.

He’s talked to her and she doesn’t like that idea.

She’s gotten fired from them. I don’t know the reasons behind that, but I have my suspicions. She keeps moving because she stays with whomever will take her in at the time until they kick her out.

So your stepdaughter is couch-surfing along with her mother? That's not stable at all, and she should stay with you.

The PPs complaining that this would be penalizing her for being poor are nuts.

Anonymous wrote:Has Dad approached Mom and proposed that the DD live with him during school week w/ no change to custody payment? And asked Mom what kind of visitation schedule she would like if DD were living with him during school week?

Really hard to believe that any mom would say no to this as long as it was assured in writing that child support would not be affected and that mom would still get reasonable visitation.

Going thru courts only makes it harder to agree and more costly.

I agree with other PPs that knowing why her work is unstable and why she's moving is important.

He’s talked to her and she doesn’t like that idea.

She’s gotten fired from them. I don’t know the reasons behind that, but I have my suspicions. She keeps moving because she stays with whomever will take her in at the time until they kick her out.

Has Dad approached Mom and proposed that the DD live with him during school week w/ no change to custody payment? And asked Mom what kind of visitation schedule she would like if DD were living with him during school week?

Really hard to believe that any mom would say no to this as long as it was assured in writing that child support would not be affected and that mom would still get reasonable visitation.

Going thru courts only makes it harder to agree and more costly.

I agree with other PPs that knowing why her work is unstable and why she's moving is important.

Anonymous wrote:OP, full custody implies that your DH would be the sole legal guardian. The situation you describe doesn’t warrant that.

At most, he might get school nights with the mom getting weekends and a lot of time in the summer. It might not reduce his CS much at all.

Not true, legal and physical custody are two different things. Dad can have full physical custody with visitation to mom in pretty much any configuration the two parents can agree on -- DC stays Sun night thru TH night with you and then spends 1 Fri/Sat with Mom and the other w/ Dad. Or any amount of full weekends can go to Mom or more time in summer, whatever the parents can agree on.

Anonymous wrote:If custody is taken away from here because she is poor, thousands of children would be taken away from their parents. Maybe the ex husband can help out financially if he has the funds.

We do help her when we can.

Anonymous wrote:

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

What you are describing here is not full custody for your DH. It's weekday custody with dad and with mom gettomg weekends. This seems a lot more reasonable than full custody.

If custody is taken away from here because she is poor, thousands of children would be taken away from their parents. Maybe the ex husband can help out financially if he has the funds.

Anonymous wrote:Does the stepmom not have money because she is abusing drugs/alcohol/gambling? Or does she not have money because her job doesn't pay that much? What's the story?

Are you asking about the mom or the stepmom?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

Then she’ll have to transfer again when her mom moves. That’s not stable.

Anonymous wrote:This is like saying being poor should equal loss of custody.

THIS. In the absence of drugs, gambling, etc, the judge is not going to award custody based solely on the mom being poor/working class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

Way to put the needs of the child first.

"Larla, your mother can't be relied upon to provide transportation to school, so to make up for that, you need to change schools."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In what way is she not stable? Is this just about moving and changing jobs? Is your step daughter changing schools all the time? If so why not just have her go to school based on your address and have her stay there even if the mom moves?

Or is she not stable in other ways?

She currently goes to a school in our neighborhood because like I said, her mom is constantly moving. We’re in Clarksburg and her mom moved to Manassas in October (and planning to move again as soon as she gets another job). There have been times when my stepdaughter missed school because her mom didn’t have gas money to get her there. My stepdaughter hates all the moving and actually wants to live with us full time and visit her mom on the weekends because with us she has her own room, a bed, and close to her friends. That’s why DH wants to pursue this.

She has a room and bed with her mom. You can help by driving her to school if she goes to your home school vs. mom's. You aren't going to get custody for that. There is no abuse or neglect and you can transfer to mom's home school so transportation is not an issue.

This is like saying being poor should equal loss of custody.