Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:38     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:I definitely wouldn't have another child. What makes you think your marriage will stay strong with a DH that's a workaholic with neuroses and mental health issues?


The mention of mental health issues stood out to me more than anything.

I don’t think this is about working or a third child. Can your marriage survive long term?

I would never in a million years want to depend on a guy who I thought was neurotic and had mental health problems. My kids and I would not depend on him wholeheartedly.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:29     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
I definitely wouldn't have another child. What makes you think your marriage will stay strong with a DH that's a workaholic with neuroses and mental health issues?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:24     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in grad school and I outearned DH when we got married. We were also equal partners. Actually he did more. Dh did not feel the guilt I did when I missed my baby’s bedtime. I went from 70hrs per week to a 40 week 9-5 job. Then we moved and I found a PT job working 20-30 hours per week. I still made a decent low six figure income but I felt I was half assing everything. I was no longer working on interesting projects. I was just working for the sake of working and keeping my foot in the door.

I’m now a SAHM of 3 kids and DH earns a seven figure income. We had 2 kids when I stopped working and we added a third child. Our kids are thriving and I do not regret my time home with them. DH still helps a lot when he is home. I was never good at housework. We still have a housekeeper who cleans and helps meal prep.

I sometimes worry what I will do when I’m in my 50s and kids are grown. Will I regret it then?


For most women I know., when you’re in you 50’s your priorities change. You def want balance, like maybe a part time job w lots of flexibility. The kids still need support— they can still be a tremendous pain in the ass, but we love them nonetheless. Perimenopause and menopause turn your brain to mush and everyone I know wakes up 3 times a night or at 4 am!


I was always thinking I would go back full time in my 50’s. Youngest will be out of the house when I’m 51. Is that crazy?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:21     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
What I hear OP saying is that she’s kind of like to have a third kid but know that would be the tipping point where she’d have to give up the job. OP it sounds to me like you don’t want to lose that professional/successful aspect of yourself. I wonder if there would be other outlets for that piece of yourself. You may find fulfillment in areas you aren’t aware of right now. (Or you may become resentful depressed and bitter- you may have clearer insight into which is more likely).
If I were you, I would quit the job and have the 3rd. That’s an opportunity you could never get back. You can always have a career and be successful (maybe not same field/same track, but work is always there). But that’s just me. You know you and what your priorities are.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:19     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in grad school and I outearned DH when we got married. We were also equal partners. Actually he did more. Dh did not feel the guilt I did when I missed my baby’s bedtime. I went from 70hrs per week to a 40 week 9-5 job. Then we moved and I found a PT job working 20-30 hours per week. I still made a decent low six figure income but I felt I was half assing everything. I was no longer working on interesting projects. I was just working for the sake of working and keeping my foot in the door.

I’m now a SAHM of 3 kids and DH earns a seven figure income. We had 2 kids when I stopped working and we added a third child. Our kids are thriving and I do not regret my time home with them. DH still helps a lot when he is home. I was never good at housework. We still have a housekeeper who cleans and helps meal prep.

I sometimes worry what I will do when I’m in my 50s and kids are grown. Will I regret it then?


For most women I know., when you’re in you 50’s your priorities change. You def want balance, like maybe a part time job w lots of flexibility. The kids still need support— they can still be a tremendous pain in the ass, but we love them nonetheless. Perimenopause and menopause turn your brain to mush and everyone I know wakes up 3 times a night or at 4 am!
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:16     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Mommy tracked at your current job is different than looking mommy tracked on a resume. Soon, you’ll be able to move companies and still look like a rock star get the next real job.

Or not if you dont want to.

If you want to stay home, stay home. I personally would consult part time so that I could continue to have a professional presence and it sounds like you can afford child care as well when you needed to work those hours.

Having a third should be independent of that choice.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:11     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Are you a management consultant? I-banker? Would absolutely not have a third in either of those cases and continue to stay in current job...

Go in house if you can - take a pay cut but with more flexibility and hire help
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 09:01     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
If I were in your shoes, I would quit the mommy track job to pursue something that I loved. If you love being a mom and want a third kid, I'd do that. If you love making art, stick with the two kids and make some art. But it sounds like you're frustrated and unfulfilled in your current path, and have the resources to change it up. I'd go for it.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 08:59     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:You’re basically saying your life is too hectic and you’re overwhelmed so you might have more kids??


I posted previously that I now stay home with 3 kids. I was overwhelmed working with 2 kids and now stay home with 3. I genuinely love the time I have with my youngest. I was just barely surviving those early years and missed a lot with my older 2.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 08:54     Subject: Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel about having a third kid? Is he onboard with you quitting your job?


He’d be totally on board with both bc while he “loves” my success / ambition /intelligence, what he actually wants is he sah spouse who will do anything to ensure she keeps the country club membership and vacations she could never afford on her own (I’m being hyperbolic - but he’d have been much better suited for a woman who aspired to be a sah wife and admired him for his earning capabilities). He wants the image of an accomplished wife with the support of a content homemaker


I think a lot of men feel this way.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 08:54     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:The craziness of kid/work balance only lasts a few years. Deciding to leave the workforce can be permanent t because not everyone can successfully re-enter. So are you going to be happy as a stay at home mom when your kids are independent?


Think about this carefully, because you’ll be there in just a few short years.

If it were me I’d hire lots of childcare and keep your food in the door at 45 hours a week. Then move firma when the kids are older and go hard again if you want to.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 08:52     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
You’re basically saying your life is too hectic and you’re overwhelmed so you might have more kids??
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 08:51     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
Anonymous wrote:The craziness of kid/work balance only lasts a few years. Deciding to leave the workforce can be permanent t because not everyone can successfully re-enter. So are you going to be happy as a stay at home mom when your kids are independent?


This.

Don’t have a third kid.
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 08:49     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
The craziness of kid/work balance only lasts a few years. Deciding to leave the workforce can be permanent t because not everyone can successfully re-enter. So are you going to be happy as a stay at home mom when your kids are independent?
Anonymous
Post 01/25/2020 06:54     Subject: Re:Wwyd if you were me
DH and I met in grad school and I outearned DH when we got married. We were also equal partners. Actually he did more. Dh did not feel the guilt I did when I missed my baby’s bedtime. I went from 70hrs per week to a 40 week 9-5 job. Then we moved and I found a PT job working 20-30 hours per week. I still made a decent low six figure income but I felt I was half assing everything. I was no longer working on interesting projects. I was just working for the sake of working and keeping my foot in the door.

I’m now a SAHM of 3 kids and DH earns a seven figure income. We had 2 kids when I stopped working and we added a third child. Our kids are thriving and I do not regret my time home with them. DH still helps a lot when he is home. I was never good at housework. We still have a housekeeper who cleans and helps meal prep.

I sometimes worry what I will do when I’m in my 50s and kids are grown. Will I regret it then?