Anonymous wrote:I am from the South and went to legit etiquette school during the summers. It was always taught to us as very rude to dictate what your guests do. So telling them or asking them what to do regarding gifts was a huge no no. So I always follow that because it feels off to me not to. However, I don't mind when others put it on the invite, I just choose not to.

I am from California and went to a legit etiquette school and we were taught that people appreciate information so if you don't want gifts you may say that. You may NOT dictate what to do about a gift (i.e. bring something to donate to charity). That is rude. But saying no gifts is not.

I asked Carolyn Hax what she thought of this once and she agreed. Not that's she's Emily Post but I thought it was interesting.

Definitely bring a sweet card, either way. And do what you're comfortable with. Our kids went to a very economically mixed preschool, so I always said 'no gifts' for whole class parties, meant it, but for those who brought gifts we tucked them away to open later. We tended to bring small gifts or a little book to no gift parties, but... NBD either way.

I don't understand why this is so hard?
If you put on the invite "no gifts necessary' then do NOT open gifts at the party and no one will know who brought gifts and who didn't.
We had a party like this and a small table for gifts. As they arrived my DH put them in the car. We did not open them.

We went to a simlar party (the mom adn i are friends and she personally told me NO NO gifts), but then low and behold that day her DD sat and opened all of the gifts (we hand't brought one) and i felt like crap.
If you do no gifts, don't make it a party activity to open gifts.

honestly, with the no gift stuff, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, if someone writes that, I'm happy to oblige! I personally would not do that for my own child's party because they actually enjoy gifts, HOWEVER - I recognize some families are overwhelmed w/ junk and truly don't want any more.

My kids are a little older now (9, 12) and have small parties with just their good friends. They really enjoy shopping for their friends, picking thoughtful gifts, and they all open the gifts during the party.