Anonymous
06/28/2020 08:50
Subject: Help-Rejecting Complainer
Anonymous wrote:I know some of these people, and they always remind me of this video, "It's Not About the Nail"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
That’s brilliant.
Anonymous
06/28/2020 08:46
Subject: Re:Help-Rejecting Complainer
“Are you venting, or do you want my advice?”
Anonymous
06/28/2020 01:16
Subject: Help-Rejecting Complainer
Just tell her someone complained that YOU complain too much so you are doing a new thing where you don't listen/engage in negativity, just to see if you can do it. Just keep reminding her. Then when she asks when you are giving up the trial, tell her it feels better not to be negative so you just won't be going back to that.
Anonymous
06/27/2020 13:33
Subject: Re:Help-Rejecting Complainer
Anonymous wrote:I just learned about this term a few days ago. It perfectly describes my mother. She keeps begging me for "help", but it's never clear what that "help" is. Whenever I suggest a first step towards solving one of the problems, she rejects my suggestion immediately. I just gave up making suggestions, and I just listen. I think she's OK with that. When she recites her talking points, it's like she goes into a trance. It's a one-way conversation. (Like the poster above, I can set down my phone for half an hour to complete a chore, and when I pick it up, she's still talking and doesn't know I've been away.)
I don't think this behavior can be fixed. She has intense anxiety issues, and she thinks about her problems obsessively. She has an intense need to share her pain. In every other aspect of her life, she is very thoughtful and makes a big deal out of being careful not to inconvenience other people, but she doesn't seem to realize that dumping her misery and pain on family and close friends is unfair to them.
I have an emotional vampire for a mother too. I solved it by cutting contact with her 10 years ago. When you give attention to these people, it's "supply" to them.
Anonymous
06/27/2020 12:21
Subject: Re:Help-Rejecting Complainer
I just learned about this term a few days ago. It perfectly describes my mother. She keeps begging me for "help", but it's never clear what that "help" is. Whenever I suggest a first step towards solving one of the problems, she rejects my suggestion immediately. I just gave up making suggestions, and I just listen. I think she's OK with that. When she recites her talking points, it's like she goes into a trance. It's a one-way conversation. (Like the poster above, I can set down my phone for half an hour to complete a chore, and when I pick it up, she's still talking and doesn't know I've been away.)
I don't think this behavior can be fixed. She has intense anxiety issues, and she thinks about her problems obsessively. She has an intense need to share her pain. In every other aspect of her life, she is very thoughtful and makes a big deal out of being careful not to inconvenience other people, but she doesn't seem to realize that dumping her misery and pain on family and close friends is unfair to them.
I don't think this behavior can be fixed. She has intense anxiety issues, and she thinks about her problems obsessively. She has an intense need to share her pain. In every other aspect of her life, she is very thoughtful and makes a big deal out of being careful not to inconvenience other people, but she doesn't seem to realize that dumping her misery and pain on family and close friends is unfair to them.
Anonymous
01/22/2020 13:47
Subject: Help-Rejecting Complainer
Anonymous wrote:I had a friend like this. I used to just lay the phone down and go about my business for twenty minutes. She never even noticed I wasn’t there.
One thing I’ve noticed these people don’t like is if you take over the conversation with your problems. Dominate the conversation, turn on the drama over your mundane problems and they usually will be quick to go.
This is a better way to deal with it. Once you start talking at length about your own problems they usually want to leave the conversation.
Anonymous
01/22/2020 13:01
Subject: Help-Rejecting Complainer
I had a friend like this. I used to just lay the phone down and go about my business for twenty minutes. She never even noticed I wasn’t there.
One thing I’ve noticed these people don’t like is if you take over the conversation with your problems. Dominate the conversation, turn on the drama over your mundane problems and they usually will be quick to go.
One thing I’ve noticed these people don’t like is if you take over the conversation with your problems. Dominate the conversation, turn on the drama over your mundane problems and they usually will be quick to go.
Anonymous
01/22/2020 09:42
Subject: Help-Rejecting Complainer
Someone at work was like this. It only took three times for me to respond with “bummer” for her to lower her frequency of telling me stories or complaints.
I later found out she divorced her husband, who had high functioning autism. I felt bad then, she likely had no adult to talk with at home. She was great at her job and being a mom.
I later found out she divorced her husband, who had high functioning autism. I felt bad then, she likely had no adult to talk with at home. She was great at her job and being a mom.
Anonymous
01/22/2020 00:27
Subject: Help-Rejecting Complainer
I know some of these people, and they always remind me of this video, "It's Not About the Nail"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg