Anonymous wrote:“Soon to be separated” and already thinking about dating?

Agreed, that's messed up. And, not to open a tired debate, but dating as a divorced mom is different from dating as a single mom.

“Soon to be separated” and already thinking about dating?

You have a lot of work to do, OP, before you should go on a date. Put it out of your mind for a year while you work on yourself. I wouldn't take all fun off the table, but you should 100% not be dating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

Unfortunately, I don't think many divorced men with kids are interested in a single mom. It's hard to date as a single dad, but when I was a single dad, single moms were a hard pass for me. It's kind of like how 2s want to date badly, but they want to date 6s or 8s. Not other 2s. And no 6 or 8 wants to date a 2.

I am the original poster and I have had no problem getting dates with childless men and with divorced men with kids. In fact, many of the divorced men only date divorced women with kids because they don’t want more kids of their own. I respect your decision not to date women with kids but if OP is fit, decent looking and a good conversationalist she’ll have no problem getting dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

Unfortunately, I don't think many divorced men with kids are interested in a single mom. It's hard to date as a single dad, but when I was a single dad, single moms were a hard pass for me. It's kind of like how 2s want to date badly, but they want to date 6s or 8s. Not other 2s. And no 6 or 8 wants to date a 2.

HUH??????

Anonymous wrote:Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

Unfortunately, I don't think many divorced men with kids are interested in a single mom. It's hard to date as a single dad, but when I was a single dad, single moms were a hard pass for me. It's kind of like how 2s want to date badly, but they want to date 6s or 8s. Not other 2s. And no 6 or 8 wants to date a 2.

Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

Anonymous wrote:You’re in your prime, I’m pretty sure there's plenty of guys out there willing to date you. However, I think you should give it’s time before your back in the dating scene.

Verbal abuse is terrible, it messes with your self worth.
You need to be confident and have a positive sense of worth before dating and starting a new relationship. Therapy and time is the best healer.

If you don’t mind me asking, how bad was the emotional abuse? How frequent was it?

In her prime? Not even close by nearly a decade ...

OP, I've been there. You'll be fine, and cross that bridge once you come to it. If nothing else, you're going to find your tolerance for BS has dipped to beyond zero. This is a great thing.

It can take YEARS to unspool from abuse. And I was in a LOT of therapy.

FWIW, my kid's about to graduate high school and I eventually remarried a lovely man who I wouldn't trade for the world. I wasn't looking. We were good friends for a long time. BTW, I'm his first (hopefully last) wife. I will tell you honestly that the learning curve of having another loving rational adult in the house after years of being single was actually pretty steep. But it's a lovely problem to have.

I don't know why my remark that the highest-quality childless men will want a childless wife was deleted. You're not helping the OP by preventing her from hearing a realistic perspective.

Your ex can make things difficult for you if he has legal and no physical custody. Think about it, he could prevent you from moving to another state With your child. Has your ex been abusive towards the baby, are you interested in having full legal custody, I would go for that if you can. I hope you have an aggressive lawyer who’s willing to fight for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be separated, with a one year old, and while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today. Very VERY happy and feel empowered to be leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. I emotionally left the relationship a few months ago, though.

I’m 34, and haven’t dated in 10 years (when I met my STBX). And now add a child to that mix....what the hell is it like out there? Plus, I’ll be having the baby full-time (though have help). Are there childless guys that don’t mind dating a single mom?! Just curious...would be totally open to dating other single dads, but to be completely honest, I would love another kid in the future.

What makes you confident about that?

Bc he has told me plain and simple he doesn’t want physical custody.

Wait until he talks to his lawyer about what that will mean for him in child support. Suddenly he'll be demanding 50/50.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re in your prime, I’m pretty sure there's plenty of guys out there willing to date you. However, I think you should give it’s time before your back in the dating scene.

Verbal abuse is terrible, it messes with your self worth.
You need to be confident and have a positive sense of worth before dating and starting a new relationship. Therapy and time is the best healer.

If you don’t mind me asking, how bad was the emotional abuse? How frequent was it?

It got worse in the past year, REALLY escalated after baby. It was name calling, “f*ck you” at the top of his lungs while I was holding baby, f*ck off, to insulting my mom- emotionally abusing me by gaslighting, blocking me on his phone etc. he was abused growing up and I think something with the baby maybe triggered him. Again, I’m not even really all sad about it- I’m not the type to cry when this happens, but stand up for myself. Newish mom, awesome baby, we can’t deal with this behavior. He needs to get out and get help.

That’s horrible. You’re very strong for getting out and protecting your baby from his abuse. Wish you the best for the future.

+2. I’d like to co-sign on the bolded above, please consider this with the most recent pp who said broken attracts broken. It’s very true. I left a VA relationship and the first guy I dated before being healed, had horrible abusive tendencies and was a complete asshole. I left him as I got therapy and realized I was about to make the exact same mistake again. Even tho you were a victim you have to protect yourself from being a future victim by healing from the pain, and finding new parts of yourself that healthy people will compliment. Healthy people can eyeball broken from a million miles away.

If you can’t afford a therapist, so self help therapy with books, journals, instructional channels on YouTube. There are a lot of resources now.

Good luck op

I would be realistic about dating and your priorities. I became a single Mom and it took 5 years to find a good match (not just any person). If you are really sure about another child, I would freeze your eggs. I was able to remarry in time to have another child but most of my friends that divorced in their 30s did not get remarried before their fertility ran out.

I never had trouble dating men without children. Their are many more of them than divorced men in their 30s in this area.

You will be just fine. Definitely heed the advice to wait and heal. I made the huge mistake of trying to “one up” my XH who was like a kid in a candy store once we started talking about separating. He started dating immediately so I thought I should too and it was a disaster. I took some time for me and once my self esteem recovered I met a great guy and am now in a very healthy relationship. Broken attracts broken, just be aware.

But to answer your question you’ll be fine, you’ll be dateable. It’s just different when you’re a single mom.