Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 21:08     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why as a divorced Mom, I don’t introduce my children to anyone I date. If eventually I am serious about someone enough to want to remarry, we will have that conversation along with the appropriate proposal and then they can meet my children. For now, I date without involving my children. As for your boyfriend’s daughter I’d broach with your soon to be Ex staying in touch with her.


So how long do you wait between deciding to marry and introducing your children? Surely the relationship between them would take time to develop and evolve? OP has been dating this guy for three years. It would be very odd to keep your children and your SO separate for such a long time.


A year engagement is typical for many couples. She has been dating him for 3 years but it’s clear there were no plans to marry.


No, it’s not clear. Just because something is typical doesn’t mean everyone does it. Divorced people usually don’t marry that soon.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 20:17     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
The kids are use to adults that disappoint them
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 20:15     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why as a divorced Mom, I don’t introduce my children to anyone I date. If eventually I am serious about someone enough to want to remarry, we will have that conversation along with the appropriate proposal and then they can meet my children. For now, I date without involving my children. As for your boyfriend’s daughter I’d broach with your soon to be Ex staying in touch with her.


So how long do you wait between deciding to marry and introducing your children? Surely the relationship between them would take time to develop and evolve? OP has been dating this guy for three years. It would be very odd to keep your children and your SO separate for such a long time.


A year engagement is typical for many couples. She has been dating him for 3 years but it’s clear there were no plans to marry.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 17:57     Subject: Re:Breaking up is hard to do...with kids


So OP, you were dating for 3 years and you recently decided that it’s not going to work. Why ? How long do you need ? Maybe you should stick with hookups and fwb
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 17:24     Subject: Re:Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is awful. My parents divorced when I was six and my dad met a wonderful woman a year later. From seven to eleven-years-old, I spent weekends and vacations with my dad and his girlfriend and truly loved her. They broke up and I was never allowed to see her. I cannot tell you how much this hurt me.

The first thing I did when I got to college was call her and we’ve been in close contact ever since.

I implore you to stay in the kids lives and do not cut them out.


+ 1 You created a bond with that other child and now you have an obligation to them, and also to your own DC. You need to keep doing things together as a group. Your relationship with your BF is not the kids' business.


This is the reason why you don't create these intimate bonds with children that aren't yours. OP doesn't have an "obligation" to the ex's child. That's ridiculous. It's a lesson learned and she will have to suck it up and break up with both. It's a hard lesson and hopefully will help both parties understand the gravity of introducing people to their kids.



You’re wrong. You never made a child pay for your error in judgement
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 17:17     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Stop introducing men to your kid until you are married. You have already had two father figures come and go. You are setting her up for being pregnant at 16.


Are you always this dramatic?


DP. Yes, that poster is always that dramatic.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 14:17     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:This is why as a divorced Mom, I don’t introduce my children to anyone I date. If eventually I am serious about someone enough to want to remarry, we will have that conversation along with the appropriate proposal and then they can meet my children. For now, I date without involving my children. As for your boyfriend’s daughter I’d broach with your soon to be Ex staying in touch with her.


So how long do you wait between deciding to marry and introducing your children? Surely the relationship between them would take time to develop and evolve? OP has been dating this guy for three years. It would be very odd to keep your children and your SO separate for such a long time.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 14:13     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:Stop introducing men to your kid until you are married. You have already had two father figures come and go. You are setting her up for being pregnant at 16.


Are you always this dramatic?
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 14:12     Subject: Re:Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is awful. My parents divorced when I was six and my dad met a wonderful woman a year later. From seven to eleven-years-old, I spent weekends and vacations with my dad and his girlfriend and truly loved her. They broke up and I was never allowed to see her. I cannot tell you how much this hurt me.

The first thing I did when I got to college was call her and we’ve been in close contact ever since.

I implore you to stay in the kids lives and do not cut them out.


+ 1 You created a bond with that other child and now you have an obligation to them, and also to your own DC. You need to keep doing things together as a group. Your relationship with your BF is not the kids' business.


This is the reason why you don't create these intimate bonds with children that aren't yours. OP doesn't have an "obligation" to the ex's child. That's ridiculous. It's a lesson learned and she will have to suck it up and break up with both. It's a hard lesson and hopefully will help both parties understand the gravity of introducing people to their kids.


They’ve been dating for THREE years, so what was OP supposed to do? Keep the child at arms length?
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 12:57     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why as a divorced Mom, I don’t introduce my children to anyone I date. If eventually I am serious about someone enough to want to remarry, we will have that conversation along with the appropriate proposal and then they can meet my children. For now, I date without involving my children. As for your boyfriend’s daughter I’d broach with your soon to be Ex staying in touch with her.


This x1000


Respectfully, I disagree. In my opinion, there's a middle ground where you introduce the children to your SO once its very serious, but before you plan marriage. The children should be sure they are comfortable with this person in their lives before you drop on them this will be their new step parent.


I disagree as well. There is no way I would even consider marrying someone, much less accepted a proposal, without seeing if they were able to bond with my child.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 12:49     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why as a divorced Mom, I don’t introduce my children to anyone I date. If eventually I am serious about someone enough to want to remarry, we will have that conversation along with the appropriate proposal and then they can meet my children. For now, I date without involving my children. As for your boyfriend’s daughter I’d broach with your soon to be Ex staying in touch with her.


This x1000


Definitely this. Do better next time OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 12:44     Subject: Re:Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
I like how most assume that it's OP's decision on how much to interact with her ex's child. I dare someone to tell me how much access they are going to have to my child if they are not in MY life.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 11:48     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is why as a divorced Mom, I don’t introduce my children to anyone I date. If eventually I am serious about someone enough to want to remarry, we will have that conversation along with the appropriate proposal and then they can meet my children. For now, I date without involving my children. As for your boyfriend’s daughter I’d broach with your soon to be Ex staying in touch with her.


This x1000


Respectfully, I disagree. In my opinion, there's a middle ground where you introduce the children to your SO once its very serious, but before you plan marriage. The children should be sure they are comfortable with this person in their lives before you drop on them this will be their new step parent.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 11:39     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Stop introducing men to your kid until you are married. You have already had two father figures come and go. You are setting her up for being pregnant at 16.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2020 11:22     Subject: Breaking up is hard to do...with kids
Anonymous wrote:This is why as a divorced Mom, I don’t introduce my children to anyone I date. If eventually I am serious about someone enough to want to remarry, we will have that conversation along with the appropriate proposal and then they can meet my children. For now, I date without involving my children. As for your boyfriend’s daughter I’d broach with your soon to be Ex staying in touch with her.


This x1000