Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

Anonymous wrote:There’s always a lot of discussion about whether cheaters are justified in their choice to cheat and lots of discussion about how the spouse who’s been cheated on should respond, but not so much on the perspective of the OW or AP.
Here I think the moral of the story is you can’t go into a cheating situation as the AP without expecting lies, lies and more lies, and you can’t expect your cheating lover to make any commitment to you, the AP. Lastly your cheating lover will never put your feelings first because he isn’t considering his wife’s feelings. And men who says they’re unhappy with their marriage, considering separating, in the process of divorce are probably lying so they don’t have to say they’re cheating when they get together with you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/between-the-sheets/201809/how-the-other-woman-or-man-fares-after-affair

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

I know someone like this... going on right now. She is single, never married, no kids. She is super smitten at him (I have no idea why, he's really nothing special). He's never going to leave his wife. Told her the usual sob story - he married his wife too young (college sweethearts), no passion, no sex, nothing in common anymore, she's let herself go, he can't leave because she can't function without him, etc etc. My friend is a highly educated and accomplished person and I can't believe she bought any of that BS.

+1

Daddy issues - I have seen it first hand. NP here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

I know someone like this... going on right now. She is single, never married, no kids. She is super smitten at him (I have no idea why, he's really nothing special). He's never going to leave his wife. Told her the usual sob story - he married his wife too young (college sweethearts), no passion, no sex, nothing in common anymore, she's let herself go, he can't leave because she can't function without him, etc etc. My friend is a highly educated and accomplished person and I can't believe she bought any of that BS.