Anonymous wrote:My husband and I called it quits more than a year ago, but haven’t made any move to separate legally because of a complicated situation with our kids that has now been resolved. Neither of us has retained a lawyer yet. We sleep in separate bedrooms, but still share the master bathroom. We had planned that he would move out at the end of this month, but he just found out that his contract isn’t being renewed and he doesn’t have another job lined up, so I’m not sure how that will play out. We just spent the holidays together and the two of us are planning a huge international trip together with the kids for this coming summer.

And yet, he has been seeing someone the last few months. Most nights, he doesn’t come home until the wee hours of the morning, but he does always come home. I’ve been wondering what woman would settle for that. I have no idea what he tells women about his marital status. When my parents visited a couple months ago, he thought he was going to sleep in the same bed with me. I had him sleep in the basement, but seriously, would you want to date my husband under these circumstances???

“What woman would want to date your husband???”
Are you nuts??? You’re dating your husband!
This is incredible.

Anonymous wrote:I did this with a woman. She was hot. She got her own plaice after a year. We continued to date very seriously. The one thing that happened that gives me pause is when she officially finished her custody piece that had been brewing for three years, and the litigation pressure was off, our relationship changed and we ultimately went separate ways.

Sad a little for the loss, but I’ll say it was worth it. I got him emotional benefits from it as well (in addition to the hot sex), which helped me in other ways.

I got some (not him) emotional benefits.

I did this with a woman. She was hot. She got her own plaice after a year. We continued to date very seriously. The one thing that happened that gives me pause is when she officially finished her custody piece that had been brewing for three years, and the litigation pressure was off, our relationship changed and we ultimately went separate ways.

Sad a little for the loss, but I’ll say it was worth it. I got him emotional benefits from it as well (in addition to the hot sex), which helped me in other ways.

Um, no. When i was stupider I dated a separated guy who was still living under the marital roof for "financial reasons." Guess what - he was just cheating on his wife!

The married couple can (and will) remain like that for year - separated and dating other people.
I also feel like the man in this scenario is telling OP what she wants to hear - that him being married doesn't really matter or has any weight.

Anonymous wrote:If she is hot, yes. Otherwise, no.

+1
This is the key factor. Plus, she's gotta be kinky.

No, I’ve made a rule not to date separated or newly divorced men.

Anonymous wrote:No. I don’t date anyone whose divorce hasn’t been finalized for at least a year. The likelihood of them being ready for any kind of healthy relationship is low.

I completely disagree. Not everyone's divorce is the same.

I think these responses are a little harsh, honestly. I do not think it is hard no in all cases.

When did the separation start? And how long has the marriage really been over?

Many, many people have to be separated in the same house for awhile and even until a divorce. It is hard to agree on terms and also to start two new residences.

I am someone who has been separated a year, filing for divorce any day but I can tell you that the marriage has been over since almost the beginning. And there have been separate bedrooms for 5 years now and there was trouble before that. So for someone like me, honest to God, there would be nothing to worry about. There are no lingering feelings as it was over YEARS ago. People will stay for a very long time past a marriage's death for kids.

So to everyone saying, oh no, it is a deal breaker--it is just simply not true in all cases. Really.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Too messy, and suggests a lack of either financial stability or real interest in divorce.

+1.

My husband and I called it quits more than a year ago, but haven’t made any move to separate legally because of a complicated situation with our kids that has now been resolved. Neither of us has retained a lawyer yet. We sleep in separate bedrooms, but still share the master bathroom. We had planned that he would move out at the end of this month, but he just found out that his contract isn’t being renewed and he doesn’t have another job lined up, so I’m not sure how that will play out. We just spent the holidays together and the two of us are planning a huge international trip together with the kids for this coming summer.

And yet, he has been seeing someone the last few months. Most nights, he doesn’t come home until the wee hours of the morning, but he does always come home. I’ve been wondering what woman would settle for that. I have no idea what he tells women about his marital status. When my parents visited a couple months ago, he thought he was going to sleep in the same bed with me. I had him sleep in the basement, but seriously, would you want to date my husband under these circumstances???

No way.

Hell no. Not even if they were living separately. Newly divorced or merely separated, or freshly separated folx are never stable. (Even if they think they’re ready to date.)

RUN

delete and block his number.

I dated a woman like this. Still sharing a house with her ex. I could write a book on all the problems that caused where it wasn't supposed to matter at all. So from me, that is a BIG Fing NOOOOO!!! Never again.

BTW, can you picture yourself hanging at his house, watching TV, cooking a nice dinner, taking a nice bath together, retiring to bed for sex all while he is in the house? Or...how is that supposed to work? Or, more realistically, is the house off-limits to you except for pick-up drop off? Because either way is way too strange for a relationship to work.

No. I don’t date anyone whose divorce hasn’t been finalized for at least a year. The likelihood of them being ready for any kind of healthy relationship is low.