I don’t reward. Not to be stingy and especially not for “only really impressive/important things,” because studies show that’s actually a bit more problematic— to make rewards even more conditional. It’s about the internal/external motivation etc., as others have mentioned. Alfie Kohn talks about this in Unconditional Parenting as well as Punished by Rewards.

Op here. Really interesting. I’m surprised by people who are not really into rewarding.

I’ve set up a system like this link: https://www.etsy.com/listing/720200568/printable-routine-chart-morningevening?ref=shop_home_active_17

And I don’t have to do rewards. It’s more of a fun reminder for my kids of productive/fun things we can do with our time. Helping them with routines but allowing them to choose.

After this thread, I think I’ll keep it rewardless. I’m introducing it to them on Monday, but I’ve showed my oldest. I designed a copycat file and laminated it myself. I ordered some magnets with daily activities on it.

When my oldest was potty training, nothing was working consistently. We tried stickers, candy, screen time. She was over it pretty quickly. One day I spontaneously started throwing little things in a basket such as party favors, happy meal toys, stickers, candy, temporary tattoos. I called it a surprise basket and let her pick something each time she went. This made all the difference! I kept it going with my younger kids too.

One year, my kids each had electronics they wanted. So they spent the summer earning them. I rewarded them with marbles in their jars and when they filled up their jar, they got their electronics.

Generally though, I’m not big on reward systems. I am more in the “when x is done, you can do y” camp. So, if you get your room clean by 1:00, we will go to the movie. I would wait to ask my kids to do something until I had leverage.

I am an elementary teacher and only give our school-wide reward tickets for above and beyond behavior - not for standing quietly in line.

Help clean = I’ll set up a play date

Don’t help clean = no play date

They still won’t do it. Tell ya, they will do Anything to get out of cleaning. If it’s not ignoring me, it’s pitching a fit so hard that we fight, and then they cry.

Everything else they are helpful with, just not cleaning. (Exception is exciting cleaning like spraying / mopping/ cleaning a specific item that is fun to do. Something that they don’t get asked to do all the time.)

They will not pick up stuff.

For the older children, finishing a workbook = get an fancy playdate (lasertag, etc.)

The youngest child, with severe social anxiety, will do all sorts of improbable things for a dime. He's pretty vague on what dimes are, or how to use them; I could probably have gotten away with giving him pennies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine paying for chores. If you want me to drive you to your friend's house or spend time t the park, certain chores need to be done.

What about earning money for extra chores above and beyond what is expected? Could you imagine that?

o

I am this poster. My kids always had a chore chart that they followed individually and it rotated so they didn't get stuck on toilet duty or whatever. Once they were a bit older (young teens) if it snowed , they had to shovel and didn't get paid to do it. I figure nobody pays me to cook dinner, right? Honestly, I am not against paying for chores, I just encouraged them to participate in household cleanup. We own this house, we want it to look nice. Somehow, they didn't fight me on it. If they did, I would remind them of ALL that I and my DH do for them.

Anonymous wrote:Sticker chart for staying in bed all night. Ie. Not coming to me in the middle of the night.
Necessary for me to function. It won’t last forever.
The reward is skates.

g

21 stickers is the goal. 3 weeks to change a habit or something...

Sticker chart for staying in bed all night. Ie. Not coming to me in the middle of the night.
Necessary for me to function. It won’t last forever.
The reward is skates.

Anonymous wrote:A friend is doing one for listening and also for not whining. I don’t know what she does, but she says it’s the only thing that broke the barrier / broke the cycle.

Just remembered. She did a jar and beads. One bead in for listening, such as asking her to help clear the dishwasher. Bead out if there is whining.
The reward is something like an outing to the zoo.

A friend is doing one for listening and also for not whining. I don’t know what she does, but she says it’s the only thing that broke the barrier / broke the cycle.

We haven’t done this much. But I’m not against it. I think if you do rewards, it should be temporary or constantly adjust to changing development.

Reminded me of a cute police “ticketing” program.

https://m.facebook.com/story/graphql_permalink/?graphql_id=UzpfSTEwMDAwMzMxNDA2MTE3NjoyMzI4MzUzMDgzOTUxODA0

I’m with PP who said be careful about extrinsic rewards. It can be a great motivator to start a habit or break one. But I knew someone when I was little whose parents paid them for every little thing, including taking meds or vitamins. Both of them had failure to launch.

Anonymous wrote:My DS didn't do well behaving in school for a couple years, with notes from the teacher, getting sent to the office, etc. We tried all sorts of smaller and larger rewards and they didn't do anything. He eventually grew into better behavior.

Maybe they work for some kids. Didn't work for us.

I think the cause of the behavior makes a difference. If a kid’s poor behavior is because he has low impulse control, the reward is less likely to work.

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine paying for chores. If you want me to drive you to your friend's house or spend time t the park, certain chores need to be done.

What about earning money for extra chores above and beyond what is expected? Could you imagine that?

Anonymous wrote:One I saw featured in an article recently but haven’t tried.

A way to teach your kids values. Maybe this works well for 2-4 kids also, you’d have to adapt for a single child. M

Present a value at the beginning of the month. Honesty, dedication, sharing etc. Something that is abstract but you want your kids to learn about.

Tell them at the end of the week, whoever works on that value the most will get a certificate hung on their bedroom door. The certificate routes around to kids on other weeks.

I like it because it is low stakes (just a poster), and teaches them something. You don’t even have to have a really perfect kid to point out the 1-2 things they did to earn the certificate during the week.

If I’m understanding this correctly, I dont think it’s something we would do because there’s a competition l between the siblings so a winner/loser. My kids are already too competitive with each other, and the older one would have a better memory and strategy so would always beat the younger. I’d try to figure out a way to make it more cooperative, or a system where your competition is against your own previous performance, something like that.