Anonymous
12/29/2019 12:43
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?
The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.
So? Many people go by first name and middle name.
I don’t know anyone who goes by their first AND middle names.
Well, then I guess no one does! lol
NP. You said “many people” do this. That’s incorrect.
I can think of numerous pop songs immortalizing women with double barreled names (e.g., Barbra Ann, Mary Jane). I don’t think it’s as common as it was fifty or sixty years ago, but many people do it.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 12:23
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?
The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.
So? Many people go by first name and middle name.
I don’t know anyone who goes by their first AND middle names.
Well, then I guess no one does! lol
NP. You said “many people” do this. That’s incorrect.
I'm the PP you replied to, not the PP who said "many people."
Anonymous
12/29/2019 09:19
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?
The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.
So? Many people go by first name and middle name.
I don’t know anyone who goes by their first AND middle names.
Well, then I guess no one does! lol
NP. You said “many people” do this. That’s incorrect.
I’m the “many people” person. I stand by that. It’s a Southern thing for sure, and not uncommon among umc wasps.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 09:14
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?
The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.
So? Many people go by first name and middle name.
I don’t know anyone who goes by their first AND middle names.
Well, then I guess no one does! lol
NP. You said “many people” do this. That’s incorrect.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 09:09
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
I had a quirky aunt who refused to/was oblivious to the correct pronunciation of my name. She was kind of batty in many ways, but got along with the family so I don’t think it was a slight?
My name is Patricia. Puh Trish uh. We are 3rd generation here, so not an accent or regional issue. It’s Patricia.
My aunt called me Puh Tree shuh, emphasis on “tree” my whole life.
By the time I was older and noticed, my mom just sighed and said that’s the way she thinks your name should be pronounced and nothing was ever said, she was just weird aunt Linda who called me Puh TREE shuh
My name is Patricia. Puh Trish uh. We are 3rd generation here, so not an accent or regional issue. It’s Patricia.
My aunt called me Puh Tree shuh, emphasis on “tree” my whole life.
By the time I was older and noticed, my mom just sighed and said that’s the way she thinks your name should be pronounced and nothing was ever said, she was just weird aunt Linda who called me Puh TREE shuh
Anonymous
12/29/2019 09:07
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:I’m 48 and my mother’s side misspells my name. No big deal at all.
Same here, but it is only one Aunt but she does it all the time (through texts if someone is wondering why she’d be typing my name out). And my name is very boring with only one traditional spelling - think Brenda and she’s spell is Brendah.
Ignore op. If it bothers your child they can say something when they are old enough.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:59
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Oh my grandmother did something like this! My parents named me Suzanne which apparently was far too Frenchified for my old Irish grandmother. I grew up using a nickname so it should have been even more irrelevant, but for my entire life she addressed me as Susan, including in letters and cards. As far as I can remember, we only ever laughed about it. She was a tough old biddy and those tribal New England prejudices die hard.
OP your MIL isn't cool w/the way you've spelled your daughter's name. You can stew in resentment, correct her ad nauseum, and spend decades fighting over a space. Or consider it an absurd family joke.
Great advice to just treat it as an absurd family joke. I'm mostly in that camp, but another thing that is bothering me about it is that grandma subtly (but clearly) prefers our older child, so always miswriting the younger one's name gets to me more than it normally would.
NP, and the subtle preference issue does complicate things. I'm in the treat-as-a-joke camp, but you're going to want to keep an eye on unequal treatment that's intended to dismiss/diminish your younger child. That can cause problems you may not recognize until after the damage gets internalized.
A tough old Irish grandmother who resists a name because it's too Frenchified isn't targeting the child, she's uncomfortable with the name. No harm intended, no harm experienced, and not the same thing that you're describing.
Oh you way underestimate my crazy old grandmother. She was a world champion in creating / holding grudges and brutal in playing favorites etc. She was anything but harmless. But you've got to pick your battles in life. My parents were wise enough to appreciate that the name thing wasn't worth going to war over. I'd say a space is even less important, irrespective of whether she seems to favor one kid over another. In the scheme of things, this isn't the hill to die on.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:35
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?
The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.
So? Many people go by first name and middle name.
I don’t know anyone who goes by their first AND middle names.
Well, then I guess no one does! lol
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:34
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Stupid. This is what you get by giving your a name that’s unusual. What do you expect?
Could you explain why you think the name is unusual?
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:32
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's not actually even the spelling - it's the spacing. Our daughter has a double-barreled first name, each name is quite short and only 1 syllable, so it is something like Anne Claire. I understand that this is not to everyones taste but it's what we named her and we love it. To those wondering, we never have had any issues with official forms, schools just calling her just Anne, etc. It is a two syllable name made up of two names that are, for most people, easily recognizable, spelled, and pronounced. It has been a total non issues except that my husband's mom always spells it AnneClaire. Gets things embroidered with AnneClaire, spells it like that in cards, etc. My husband always "reminds" (in quote, because I can't imagine she doesn't realize what she is doing) how our daughter's name is written, but she has yet to make any changes. I just ignore it and don't react (I assume she is looking for some sort of reaction from me?) but it's so odd that she insists on continuing to do this. Anyone else have a similar issue?
The space makes her — and everyone else — think it is a first name, middle name.
So? Many people go by first name and middle name.
I don’t know anyone who goes by their first AND middle names.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:31
Subject: Re:My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
OP, just ignore it. When she asked where such and such a gift is that she had monogrammed with her name just look right at her and say you spelled her name wrong, so we gave it away.
My MIL not only spelled my younger child’s name wrong for a while, but was also telling people that her name was different than what we had named her. No, I never said anything to my child but when she was old enough she started correcting her grandmother (I mean at age 2 would say “grandma my name is.....”). DD did this in front of people, so when mother-in-law would refer to her as the other name people started making comments about it directly to my mother-in-law. That put a stop to it.
My MIL not only spelled my younger child’s name wrong for a while, but was also telling people that her name was different than what we had named her. No, I never said anything to my child but when she was old enough she started correcting her grandmother (I mean at age 2 would say “grandma my name is.....”). DD did this in front of people, so when mother-in-law would refer to her as the other name people started making comments about it directly to my mother-in-law. That put a stop to it.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:29
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:I'd kindly hand back anything and everything that's personalized incorrectly and sweetly say, "Oh Marge, it looks like they didn't get Anne Claire's name right."
Passive aggressive not appropriate.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:29
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Anonymous wrote:Stupid. This is what you get by giving your a name that’s unusual. What do you expect?
That her freaking grandmother would still be respectful enough to get it right.
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:28
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
I'd kindly hand back anything and everything that's personalized incorrectly and sweetly say, "Oh Marge, it looks like they didn't get Anne Claire's name right."
Anonymous
12/29/2019 08:19
Subject: My MIL refuses to spell grandchild's name correctly
Stupid. This is what you get by giving your a name that’s unusual. What do you expect?