If your baby/small children are the only "special factors" people in the mix, sure, that's a little annoying--but only if grandparents or aunts/uncles are the people who are planning and inviting.

You think my 50something aunt cares what time my kids nap, when I've got another local cousin and her four kids with schedules? It's not that deep.

An invitation is not a summons. Accept, decline, try to engineer things a little.

Sure, if it's your own mother planning Thanksgiving dinner during nap time, that's a little annoying. But only if your kids are the only "factor." Elderly folks have timing needs, too. Etc., etc. Sports schedules, etc. It's not just about you.

OP - you hold to whatever schedule you want. Make sure you have your own wheels. Yes it will be uncomfortable.

Ugh you sound like a whiner. You should be grateful you have such a big family with tons of things happening. So many ppl talked about not having family nearby or things to do. Your family can’t revolve their schedules around your kids. So you go to things you can and skip out one or two.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said yourself you have a big family. So why would 40 people all revolve around YOUR two kids? You and your husband should have discussed this before having kids - if it's his family, you stay home with the kids (or leave early with them) and if it's your family, he stays home or leaves early with the kids. It's very simple.

Discussed before having kids? This doesn't seem like that kind of issue. And until you have been in the situation with schedules and the like, it isn't something most people would have thought of and worked out ahead of time.

Eh. It's something my husband and I discussed.

You discussed how to fit in baby's naptimes around family holiday events prior to marriage? Wow.

OP, you need to learn to stand up for yourself and your family. You're making your kids feel miserable because you won't, and then you won't stand up for your kids when they behave badly because they are sleep-deprived.

You're the mom - do what YOU need to do for your kids. That means, get a hotel, protect nap and bedtimes, and do the family events in between that that work. Period.

I have to do this ALL THE TIME with my large family. For whatever dysfunctional reason, they always liked to needle me about needing sleep before kids; and they do the same after kids. So I say f-em and just do whatever I need to do to sleep and for my kid's sleep. This includes literally hauling an entire extra set of bedding (air mattress, pillow, blankets) because they can't be trusted to have enough places to sleep (even if they claim they do.)

When/if relatives give you crap about missing events, just say "sorry, it was baby naptime." Be very clear about the times you are available. If they actually want to see you and your kids, they will adjust. If not, you know they don't prioritize seeing you and your kids. You could also make more affirmative suggestions for key relatives -- e.g., try to make a plan with grandparents for breakfast and a mid-morning walk.

You don't have to go anywhere, and you can be late or leave early. This is normal for people with young kids, you need to make your own schedule that is the best you can do with kids and events. I think you need to start seeing why so many people with young kids stay at home for Christmas. Nobody cares how hard it is to take care of the kids and attend events. Sounds like a holiday from hell.

Anonymous wrote:Have separate food for your kids ready to serve them when they’re hungry. Don’t wait for the big meal. If you need to skip some things or leave early, just do it and don’t feel bad. This is a phase.

+1. There's never an excuse for not feeding your kids. If the circumstances would make it impossible to do so, decline.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t go, leave the kids with DH, Or follow the pp’s suggestions and pack kids dinner, a noise machine, and a pack n play wherever you do go.

I forced my oldest to family events when he was that age because I felt guilty, and he was known as “bad” or undisciplined kids for years. He weren’t being bad! He was just tired and hungry and 2.

Same here
I discovered how judgemental my dh's family is. It is a pity as we live far away and the few memories my kids have of them is this. One even mentioned it years later.
Perhaps it would not have been so bad if we had lived closer and if they had the chance to get to know my kids.

I would say do your thing. Arrive late and leave early if you wish, or retire to a room away from other guests if you want to

You don't go if you suspect that it's not going to work out.
And please reassure yourself that in a very short while, at least one of your kids will behave beautifully!

I’m so sorry, OP!

My kids were the first grandkids, and it was like this until my brother started having kids too. My least favorite is that I was also expected to keep the children completely quiet until 9-10am, which might be 3+ hours after they woke up.

Do not feel embarrassed at all about the behavior. Your children are very young and traveling is hard on kids that need strict food/sleep schedules (and some kids just do).

I definitely wouldn't expect family to revolve around young kids schedules but to be honest, my family is really good about this - some families are more attentive to young children and cater around them than others do. Now that I am out of the thick of the hardest, youngest years, you bet I'm keeping this all in mind when I'm a grandma and will ask in advance for my kids/in laws when they are parents and I am the host!

As for how we handled it - ditto advice about pack and plays, packing small snack/dinners and white noise machines.

But a lot of times, DH and I just switched off and took the kids back to the main house/hotel earlier. If it was DH's family, I was more inclined to hang back so he could be with relatives and vice versa. We went to events but the kids usually didn't stay long.

I’m sorry op, my kids were not super flexible sleepers either and events like that were just bad for all of us. Here’s my advice:

Bring food in your purse and give it to your kids when they are hungry. Bananas, string cheese, pouches, crackers. Whatever it takes. Doesn’t have to be a well rounded meal.

Do whatever you can to get a nap/bedtime in. Drive around, miss some of the party, come late or leave early.

Do NOT feel embarrassed by their behavior. If someone makes a comment, just say “she’s usually fast asleep at this time” and do your best not to let it affect you—who cares what they think??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your second kid and you still think that everyone else's schedule should revolve around yours?

Indeed. OP, I get that it's a rant, but you do realize that other people have their own conflicts and needs, right? It's a case of everyone does their best to meet in the middle and find time and joy to share, somewhere along the way. There is absolutely no way 40+ diverse individuals can be expected to schedule everything around two children.

NP here, but you actually CAN be considerate of people with small children. I know, I have done it.

If a party starts at 5pm, and you know that you will have a hungry three year old guest, then you can set out some food at 5pm. Or you can tell people that dinner isn’t actually being served until 7pm if they would like to eat before the party. Or you can tell the mom that your kitchen is available to her if she needs to feed the little ones. I actually think it’s a little rude to host a dinner party and then have nothing to eat or drink for hours after your guests arrive anyway.

If you are hosting a brunch, and you want your sister to be there with her 11 month old, you can ask when his nap time is. If you don’t care if she shows, but you need to have the brunch at xyz time, then you can let her know it isn’t a big deal if she can’t make it.

This is OP - I am not trying to say that everyone should revolve their schedules around me and my family, I simply think it would be nice to take young kids into consideration when planning things. DH’s family is very considerate in this respect so I know some families do this.

I get major guilt trips for skipping events or leaving early since we rarely see everyone... so if that’s the case why not just think about what may work for young kids - there are many in the family not just mine.

And I also get comments about my kids whining at the dinner table etc which are super frustrating.

How would they even know your kids’ schedules? It’s not like all babies nap at the same time. Do what you need to do to make it work - say no, take your own car so you can leave early, take snacks, etc. You’re not new to this parenting gig so I’m sure you know how to do what will make it successful for your family.