Neither of us came in to the marriage with assets. All assets were earned during marriage. I’d get half. We’d both be in a worse position financially. I’d get alimony for a bit.

He’s also have to pay up for half of childcare - we have no current childcare expenses.

Best insurance I have is that we both make time for each other and strive to keep our marriage healthy. Affairs almost never happen in isolation.

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

Geezus. What’s his is yours and what’s yours is yours AND you insult with a zinger like that? Yuck.

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband can be a jerk sometimes, and he knows it. I work very PT. All money I earn (about $50k/yr) goes into a retirement account in my name. He also finds a backdoor Roth IRA in my name every year. House is in my name, mortgage is in his (not sure if that matters, but that’s how it is right now). I have $30k in an account in just my name just in case I need to pick up and leave. DH is aware that I have it, but he doesn’t know where it is.

I also have a few very close friends and family members. This is part of the reason I became a SAHM. I was worried that if something happened to me, there wouldn’t be other people to pick up the slack, and they would be left to more or less raise themselves after their mom died (like I said, DH can be kind of a jerk). So I made a little colleague of adults my kids felt comfortable with and that feel parental toward my kids.

We have insurance, life and disability for both of us. My disability insurance is not worth much right now, but it’s hard to get it back if you let the policy lapse, and I do plan to return at some point. DH’s covers 65% of his income the previous year. I do have life insurance on myself because I am kind of expensive to replace as a SAHM of young kids. DH would need 60-80 hours/week of flexible childcare and housekeeping at a minimum.

Anyway, these are some of the things I have done. No post-nup. I kind if feel at this point that it would set us on the path to divorce.

It’s always so strange when people post here screaming that women have to have their own money, have their own IRAs funded. When it comes down to brass tacks, 50% of yours is his in the divorce. Just like 50% of what’s in his name is yours. Working, and having money come in while the divorce is being negotiated is what really matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

People can change

And they do -- both men and women. I've seen many mid-life divorces among couples who were not in the least bit desperate when they married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

People can change

Yes they can.
It isn’t so black & white like that.

Anonymous wrote:Prenup and trust fund.

Did divorce.

I’m fine. He’s mad. Oh well.

If you have a trust fund, someone else protected you -- and that form of protection is not available to the vast majority of women.

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

Gosh, I don't know where to start with the delusions and the naivete here.

Well, my husband can be a jerk sometimes, and he knows it. I work very PT. All money I earn (about $50k/yr) goes into a retirement account in my name. He also finds a backdoor Roth IRA in my name every year. House is in my name, mortgage is in his (not sure if that matters, but that’s how it is right now). I have $30k in an account in just my name just in case I need to pick up and leave. DH is aware that I have it, but he doesn’t know where it is.

I also have a few very close friends and family members. This is part of the reason I became a SAHM. I was worried that if something happened to me, there wouldn’t be other people to pick up the slack, and they would be left to more or less raise themselves after their mom died (like I said, DH can be kind of a jerk). So I made a little colleague of adults my kids felt comfortable with and that feel parental toward my kids.

We have insurance, life and disability for both of us. My disability insurance is not worth much right now, but it’s hard to get it back if you let the policy lapse, and I do plan to return at some point. DH’s covers 65% of his income the previous year. I do have life insurance on myself because I am kind of expensive to replace as a SAHM of young kids. DH would need 60-80 hours/week of flexible childcare and housekeeping at a minimum.

Anyway, these are some of the things I have done. No post-nup. I kind if feel at this point that it would set us on the path to divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will get flamed/argued with for this. I think it’s easy enough to tell after a few years of dating and a few years of marriage whether or not a man is an asshole, is controlling, is limiting access to money, etc. People don’t change overnight, despite all those who supposedly “never saw it coming!”

If I had any hint, any hint at all that my husband was financially or otherwise controlling, I’d never have stayed home. I would have stayed working and divorced.

But I’ve always had full control of the money, when I worked and when I didn’t. My husband is kind and selfless and just the best sort of person, and so is all of his family. He has never tried to exert control over me and always makes sure I feel comfortable with things.

Fast forward and now we’ve been together 20 years and married for 17. Even if he abruptly left me, half of all of our assets would be more than enough for me. Our two homes are almost paid off and college is fully funded, in addition to all of our other investments.

I am willing to bet that you both also have a fulfilling sex life and are loving to each other within the marriage.

Yes we do/are.

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

This is the exact type of person that gets screwed in a divorce. They think they’re smarter than they are and they think their husbands nice of them they are

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

So your DH can never fall in love with someone else because you didn’t marry a ‘jerk?’ I see...

There are a bunch of men in another post who are in sexless marriages who plan on divorcing their wives and apparently their wives have no idea

Well, it is given that both parties need to take care of each other in a marriage? Sexless marriage is not a SAHM or wohm thing, though I think a SAHM would be more rested and less stressed than a wohm, and more enthusiastic about sex.

Feel like that depends heavily on socioeconomic factors. A wealthy SAHM who has lots of hired help / outsources stuff, sure. One who doesn’t...and with young children, hell no, probably more exhausted and touched out

Anonymous wrote:I will get flamed/argued with for this. I think it’s easy enough to tell after a few years of dating and a few years of marriage whether or not a man is an asshole, is controlling, is limiting access to money, etc. People don’t change overnight, despite all those who supposedly “never saw it coming!”

If I had any hint, any hint at all that my husband was financially or otherwise controlling, I’d never have stayed home. I would have stayed working and divorced.

But I’ve always had full control of the money, when I worked and when I didn’t. My husband is kind and selfless and just the best sort of person, and so is all of his family. He has never tried to exert control over me and always makes sure I feel comfortable with things.

Fast forward and now we’ve been together 20 years and married for 17. Even if he abruptly left me, half of all of our assets would be more than enough for me. Our two homes are almost paid off and college is fully funded, in addition to all of our other investments.

I am willing to bet that you both also have a fulfilling sex life and are loving to each other within the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

So your DH can never fall in love with someone else because you didn’t marry a ‘jerk?’ I see...

There are a bunch of men in another post who are in sexless marriages who plan on divorcing their wives and apparently their wives have no idea

Well, it is given that both parties need to take care of each other in a marriage? Sexless marriage is not a SAHM or wohm thing, though I think a SAHM would be more rested and less stressed than a wohm, and more enthusiastic about sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

I WOH and don't consider $165K a year and good benefits to be "pitiful." But whatevs.

well, I don’t consider you representative of all women. But whatevs.

You maayyyyyy want to consider your audience before posting. You may want to consider that DCUM is by and large a site frequented by well-to-do DC dwellers. Just a thought.

Prenup and trust fund.

Did divorce.

I’m fine. He’s mad. Oh well.