Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:53
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:Let me preface it by saying that I never had any huge issues with my MIL until now (married over 16 years), but the other night at dinner she was talking about how working moms just abandon their children and how awful it was. My husband just started laughing out loud and I said oh my kids are abandoned to which she backtracked a teeny bit and I responded with well you said it and then excused myself to do the dishes (in the same room). She stayed for about another half hour ranting on her first world problems of old people and then we all said goodbye (nothing was said of the comment etc). I was piloted despite how pissed off I was. It makes me wonder if she’s felt this way all along and why now she is saying it. Needless to say I’m not looking forward to having her over for Christmas. Any advice on how to deal with this?
I like your DH's reaction. Unfortunately, you do not come across as a gracious and kind person either. I think you should cancel Christmas, since there is no spirit of Christmas in your family dynamics anyways.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:52
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re right it is delusional. It bothers me though because it makes me wonder how long she’s felt this way and why she’s saying it now.
Who cares?
She's a low-value person to say that kind of thing to her own DIL. So who cares what a low-value person thinks or says?
Where did you get this term “low value person”? Where are you from? You must not be from the US because we don’t refer to people that way.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:52
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have your DH correct her.
I think the DH laughing was the perfect response. He descalated and immediately showed her exactly what he thought about that world view. Now it’s on you to not be a drama queen and let it go.
Don’t let this ruin your Christmas.
+1 Imagine if we held every person in our circle accountable for every opinion we disagree with. Everyone would be fighting all the time.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:51
Subject: Re:MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you don't think she is correct, you will have no problem in ignoring it. Do you feel she is right?
Don't be an idiot.
i believe it’s true that is you are 100%confident in your decision a comment like this has no weight.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:48
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:She’s entitled to her opinion. So what if she feels that way. If she brings it up again, just say, well, I disagree with you, and change the subject. You’re putting way too much thought and effort into this. It really doesn’t matter if she’s been thinking it all along. You don’t need a comeback, you don’t need to deal with it, you don’t need to secretly seethe about it- it’s just a difference of opinion that need not have any bearing on you.
+ This
And this goes for everything
BF and FF
CIO and non-CIO
CoSleeping and Separate Nursery
WOHM and SAHM
Free-range parenting and Helicoptering
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:44
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
I’m impressed she hasn’t said this until now! That’s a lot of years for her to treat you respectfully despite perhaps having strong feelings on this topic. That’s not easy as you are now finding out as you wrestle with how to respond or not respond.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:43
Subject: Re:MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you don't think she is correct, you will have no problem in ignoring it. Do you feel she is right?
Don't be an idiot.
you are being obtuse and an idiot. If MIL is making a generic personal statement that is her personal belief. then there is no reason for DIL to get upset about it and take it personally. Unless she feels that the MIL was saying something that actually pertained to her. DIL seems to want to borrow trouble and has a unhealthy need for MIL's approval. Why does she even care?
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:40
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
OP here thank you for the comments all. I greatly appreciate the one reminding me how my husband laughing says it all. I refuse to let others steal my joy. Merry Christmas to you all!
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:39
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
She’s thought this all along.
Expect more along those lines as she ages and loses her filter.
Welcome to the world of intolerance and bigotry!
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:39
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
She’s entitled to her opinion. So what if she feels that way. If she brings it up again, just say, well, I disagree with you, and change the subject. You’re putting way too much thought and effort into this. It really doesn’t matter if she’s been thinking it all along. You don’t need a comeback, you don’t need to deal with it, you don’t need to secretly seethe about it- it’s just a difference of opinion that need not have any bearing on you.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:38
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:Have your DH correct her.
I think the DH laughing was the perfect response. He descalated and immediately showed her exactly what he thought about that world view. Now it’s on you to not be a drama queen and let it go.
Don’t let this ruin your Christmas.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:37
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:It's probably a conversation that she's had with her friends and she just brought it to your dinner table, forgetting along the way that you were, in fact, a working mother yourself.
Back in our parents' days it was a lot more common for women to SAH with the kids and even when they did work their husbands were almost always the main breadwinners in the family. Childcare options back then were also not nearly as great as they are now.
She's old and so is her perspective. Hang in there.
Actually, nothing much has changed still. Majority of women make pitiful low amounts of money and majority of working women have poor childcare options and not family-friendly workplaces.
Women should be encouraged to work and have a career, but we cannot ignore the truth that we are in urgent need to have a country that is family friendly in its work policies.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:37
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
They lose their ability to filter as they get older. Call her out on it, but don't take the comments personally.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:34
Subject: MIL said I abandoned my children by working
She is just jealous and in order to feel good about her non choices, she puts others down. There is a way to be a sahm for years and then still work after, or volunteer, or do something more than bring other people down to feel good about yourself. Sounds like she is getting older in becoming, as so many elderly, unhinged.
Anonymous
12/22/2019 13:34
Subject: Re:MIL said I abandoned my children by working
Anonymous wrote:If you don't think she is correct, you will have no problem in ignoring it. Do you feel she is right?
Don't be an idiot.