That you're not able to "say anything in disagreement without major backlash" is a big, big problem in your marriage. It's harm that's become so normalized that you acknowledge you were genuinely unsure if you were over-reacting by questioning your husband's decision to let your 4-year old son watch horror movies. Other damage is being normalized in your home that you don't recognize as damage.

Op again. I had this doubt in my head that maybe I WAS being a tad overprotective but it looks like I’m not. And that makes me feel even worse because now I feel like this was one of those times I really needed to dig my heels in. But like the one divorced PP said, I do think if I was too against all scary movies, DH (and kids) would have only wanted to push back more and watch them more. Not so much out of spite, but because it is DH and DD’s natural inclination to fight hard against any kind of rules, policing, especially “protective” ones.

DH started both the poltergeist movies when I was busy doing something else because he knew I would have said no if I were there. Once the movie was started, my protests were ignored and cast aside. My version of damage control was next day, showing my kids the “making of poltergeist” so that they could see how they did all the special effects and how they made it look so real. He had a lot of questions so I do think it was helpful. I also have talked about fears and anxiety with him, explaining that our brain sometimes make us feel scared for no reason. He gets it, but no real effect on his anxiety levels.

I did finally put my foot down and put a moratorium on scary movies right before bed. So far DH hasn’t pushed back, especially now that he sees our son is so scared to be alone anywhere in the house. My son does keep asking for the scary movies.

Contemplating family therapy. Will be a hard sell. Have had no luck with pushing for marriage counseling in the past- for communication issues. I do feel like I’m unable to say anything in disagreement without major backlash so it’s hard. I may also consider just getting a therapist for my son instead, will be an easier sell I think.

it was the Wild West in terms of TVs and movies in our house. I had a bunch of older siblings who were left in charge of the younger kids and they made us watch tons of scary movies. I could never just get on my bed, I had to run and jump on it so whatever was hiding under there wouldn’t get me. Somehow I grew up ok. I actually like horror movies and am not too scarred. Ok, so when my husband’s out of town I still jump on my bed, but he doesn’t have to know that. I think the key was my siblings made fun of how stupid the movies were and so I knew even as a little kid it wasn’t real since. My movie-critic brothers and sisters pointed out every. single. fake looking or dumb thing so much that the movies seemed more like comedies that anything else. They were just being snarky, but I think it served a much bigger purpose of making the movies seem like stupid skits. The only one that scared us all was the Exorcist. And of course I live in DC and know those damn stairs are there...

To add to the above, I really think he did it to spite me.
It is messed up and I think he is a sick man, that’s why we are not together anymore. He has become a little less crazy once the need to annoy me was gone.

I believe you, OP!
My ex was trying to watch the walking dead around our then 3 yo son, showed him Transformers at age 4.5 (which he loved btw), tried to introduce him to first person shooters at 7, etc.
Our kid is not that sensitive, more of a thrill seeker but this is just insane for any child imo!
This actually played a big role in our divorce. No GTA or The Walking Dead in my house where he spends 98% of the time!

First of all, your kid is watching too much TV. No need for that many movies at that age, whether Disney or horror. My 4yo has watched like 3 movies in her lifetime. So did my older child when he was that age.

Good lord. And I was pissed at DH for letting ours watch Avatar.

Listen, my parents never screened what I watched. I saw Fatal Attraction when I was like 6. That ish effed me up. I don't necessarily think it CAUSED my mental health issues, but it sure didn't help. You gotta find a way to put a stop to this.