Anonymous
12/21/2019 14:28
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re all being much kinder than I’d hoped. I really really want to move past this because it’s done. Its more painful to feel this way than to just let it go so why can’t I? I’m so angry with myself. It’s child’s choice, child’s life. I should just be happy.
Child got into a great school by any measure (well in the top 10) but I just had that dream (I know I know-I want to slap myself too). Child worked so incredibly hard with the same dream in mind. Maxed out at the number of APs allowed at smallish private school and got straight As plus 2 800s and 3 780s on AP Subject tests, one of which child self studied for, 1580 SAT and 36 ACTLeadership positions, ECs, charity work blah blah. Varsity athlete but not enough for recruiting.
Child initially was gung ho about a particular Ivy for which they had well above average grades according to the school’s naviance reports ( I know-no guarantees). Then senior year came and child suddenly changed their mind and no amount of gentle persuading would budge them. “Why would I risk apply to a school with a 10 % acceptance rate (not nationally but per Naviance for their school) when I could apply to an excellent one with much higher acceptance rated?”
What’s making it harder still is that quite a few of child’s classmates who did take the risk got into Ivies- some top Ivies There were of course the off-the-charts bright kids who would get in anywhere +/- legacy and the athletes but a few “surprises” too. Smart but not overly, no hooks that we know off. That made harder. I just know child stood a good change based on the outcomes so far. I also know that deep down when child heard of the surprises they wondered if they should have thrown their hat in too. Child talked about possibly transferring after first year.
Plus it’s more than bragging rights. I really believe it would have been a wonderful culmination of all child’s hard work and sleepless nights. I feel sad for them.
Anyway all that by way of background. I just need to move one. I even find myself crying in secret sometimes. Foolish foolish foolish woman! Get over yourself already!
I do know how you feel as I went through this also but with twin DCs. One refused to apply to any ivy or top 10 school. The other with same stats did opposite and ended up at ivy. We did not say anything. Non ivy twin saw friends with lessor stats also made it into ivies and top 10 schools. We zipped our lips and supported the choice.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 14:26
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
I wish I were as smart as your child OP.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 14:19
Subject: Re:Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Focus on long term success not short term. Clearly your kid has what it takes to succeed in life. That is what you should be celebrating, not the brand name of college he\she is going to. How is kid’s other parent reacting?
Anonymous
12/21/2019 14:18
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Anonymous wrote:Here’s the slap you’re asking for:
Putting your own need to feed your insecurity over your kid’s happiness is some straight up loser nonsense.
Don’t be a loser.
+1. A very shallow loser.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 13:51
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
OP here. You’re all being much kinder than I’d hoped. I really really want to move past this because it’s done. Its more painful to feel this way than to just let it go so why can’t I? I’m so angry with myself. It’s child’s choice, child’s life. I should just be happy.
Child got into a great school by any measure (well in the top 10) but I just had that dream (I know I know-I want to slap myself too). Child worked so incredibly hard with the same dream in mind. Maxed out at the number of APs allowed at smallish private school and got straight As plus 2 800s and 3 780s on AP Subject tests, one of which child self studied for, 1580 SAT and 36 ACTLeadership positions, ECs, charity work blah blah. Varsity athlete but not enough for recruiting.
Child initially was gung ho about a particular Ivy for which they had well above average grades according to the school’s naviance reports ( I know-no guarantees). Then senior year came and child suddenly changed their mind and no amount of gentle persuading would budge them. “Why would I risk apply to a school with a 10 % acceptance rate (not nationally but per Naviance for their school) when I could apply to an excellent one with much higher acceptance rated?”
What’s making it harder still is that quite a few of child’s classmates who did take the risk got into Ivies- some top Ivies There were of course the off-the-charts bright kids who would get in anywhere +/- legacy and the athletes but a few “surprises” too. Smart but not overly, no hooks that we know off. That made harder. I just know child stood a good change based on the outcomes so far. I also know that deep down when child heard of the surprises they wondered if they should have thrown their hat in too. Child talked about possibly transferring after first year.
Plus it’s more than bragging rights. I really believe it would have been a wonderful culmination of all child’s hard work and sleepless nights. I feel sad for them.
Anyway all that by way of background. I just need to move one. I even find myself crying in secret sometimes. Foolish foolish foolish woman! Get over yourself already!
Child got into a great school by any measure (well in the top 10) but I just had that dream (I know I know-I want to slap myself too). Child worked so incredibly hard with the same dream in mind. Maxed out at the number of APs allowed at smallish private school and got straight As plus 2 800s and 3 780s on AP Subject tests, one of which child self studied for, 1580 SAT and 36 ACTLeadership positions, ECs, charity work blah blah. Varsity athlete but not enough for recruiting.
Child initially was gung ho about a particular Ivy for which they had well above average grades according to the school’s naviance reports ( I know-no guarantees). Then senior year came and child suddenly changed their mind and no amount of gentle persuading would budge them. “Why would I risk apply to a school with a 10 % acceptance rate (not nationally but per Naviance for their school) when I could apply to an excellent one with much higher acceptance rated?”
What’s making it harder still is that quite a few of child’s classmates who did take the risk got into Ivies- some top Ivies There were of course the off-the-charts bright kids who would get in anywhere +/- legacy and the athletes but a few “surprises” too. Smart but not overly, no hooks that we know off. That made harder. I just know child stood a good change based on the outcomes so far. I also know that deep down when child heard of the surprises they wondered if they should have thrown their hat in too. Child talked about possibly transferring after first year.
Plus it’s more than bragging rights. I really believe it would have been a wonderful culmination of all child’s hard work and sleepless nights. I feel sad for them.
Anyway all that by way of background. I just need to move one. I even find myself crying in secret sometimes. Foolish foolish foolish woman! Get over yourself already!
Anonymous
12/21/2019 12:27
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Be happy for your kid, please OP. We have friends who are HYP grads and were set on that for their kids. Like, scarily set on that since birth. Kid seems fantastic, great grades & test scores & sports etc. He didn't get into any Ivies, instead is at a top 20 LAC, and parents are visibly crushed whenever the issue comes up (ranting about unfairness etc.)
I know this isn't quite the same as your dilemma, but honestly I lost so much respect for our friends in the way they got caught up in the nonsense. And I feel badly for the kids who get treated like somehow they let their parents down by not choosing (or getting accepted at) the braggiest school possible.
I know this isn't quite the same as your dilemma, but honestly I lost so much respect for our friends in the way they got caught up in the nonsense. And I feel badly for the kids who get treated like somehow they let their parents down by not choosing (or getting accepted at) the braggiest school possible.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 12:19
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Anonymous wrote:Mourn a small amount of time (privately) realizing you are mourning your dream. Now congratulation yourself for raising a self confident, grounded child. Then celebrate.
This.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 12:17
Subject: Re:Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
You have a smart kid. I don’t get this ivy obsession even though my kid actually got into one ED. I was encouraging them to aim a little lower and still believe you probably get a better undergraduate education at highly ranked private liberal arts colleges
Anonymous
12/21/2019 11:33
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Your kid is much smarter than mine who aimed high and didn't get in. Now we have to wait til spring with a lot of uncertainty, hoping that she will at least get into a "second tier" option. wish she had followed your child's plan.
Your child probably wouldn't have gotten into your dream ivy school anyway. this year has been awful for non connected applicants.
Your child probably wouldn't have gotten into your dream ivy school anyway. this year has been awful for non connected applicants.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 11:24
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Anonymous wrote:My DC turned down Tufts/Notre Dame/ etc for a public school engineering as DC felt the program at public school was a better fit for DC major. Kept my lips zipped.
Let's have coffee!
My kid did the same with a private education where we got a ton of merit aid. I keep my lips zipped... but it is hard.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 10:23
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your kid is in a great school that they like and is now done with the college application process and can enjoy the rest of senior year. Seems like a win-win to me.
+1. Heck yeah. Now, he/she can truly enjoy their final year of childhood. Passing on ED might have meant an Ivy reject/deferment and then not getting into the current school during RD.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 10:12
Subject: Re:Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Given the kind of people the Ivy League has been producing the last coupel of decades, I'd say you dodged a bullet.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 10:07
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
My DC turned down Tufts/Notre Dame/ etc for a public school engineering as DC felt the program at public school was a better fit for DC major. Kept my lips zipped.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 09:40
Subject: Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
Sounds like your kid is in a great school that they like and is now done with the college application process and can enjoy the rest of senior year. Seems like a win-win to me.
Anonymous
12/21/2019 09:38
Subject: Re:Can someone please slap me out of my selfish funk??
NP. Definitely good to be above average. But JHU or MIT engineering is much harder than say, sociology or political science at Harvard.