Anonymous wrote:In a calm moment, when not in the "I suck" mode, make sure he understands that our thoughts shape our feelings, and if he gives in to the "I suck" self talk it will start a spiral of suckiness. He probably thinks it is a harmless venting of bad feelings, but every time he says "I suck" he is actually creating a little "I suck" circuit in his brain. He doesn't want that.

The other thing I've also done with my son is say it isn't okay to talk about himself in a way he wouldn't talk about a friend. So with baseball, when a friend messes up he says to him: "Its alright, you'll get the next guy out" or whatever. He can describe in words how he messed up and how it makes him feel, but he can't call himself names. We have had that conversation a few times during calm times, and then in the bad times when he is spiralling I can say "Hey. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend," and he knows what I mean and can get a hold of himself.

Anonymous wrote:In a calm moment, when not in the "I suck" mode, make sure he understands that our thoughts shape our feelings, and if he gives in to the "I suck" self talk it will start a spiral of suckiness. He probably thinks it is a harmless venting of bad feelings, but every time he says "I suck" he is actually creating a little "I suck" circuit in his brain. He doesn't want that.

The other thing I've also done with my son is say it isn't okay to talk about himself in a way he wouldn't talk about a friend. So with baseball, when a friend messes up he says to him: "Its alright, you'll get the next guy out" or whatever. He can describe in words how he messed up and how it makes him feel, but he can't call himself names. We have had that conversation a few times during calm times, and then in the bad times when he is spiralling I can say "Hey. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend," and he knows what I mean and can get a hold of himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a calm moment, when not in the "I suck" mode, make sure he understands that our thoughts shape our feelings, and if he gives in to the "I suck" self talk it will start a spiral of suckiness. He probably thinks it is a harmless venting of bad feelings, but every time he says "I suck" he is actually creating a little "I suck" circuit in his brain. He doesn't want that.

The other thing I've also done with my son is say it isn't okay to talk about himself in a way he wouldn't talk about a friend. So with baseball, when a friend messes up he says to him: "Its alright, you'll get the next guy out" or whatever. He can describe in words how he messed up and how it makes him feel, but he can't call himself names. We have had that conversation a few times during calm times, and then in the bad times when he is spiralling I can say "Hey. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend," and he knows what I mean and can get a hold of himself.

This is such good advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, do you know my son??!!

Do you also happen to be the parent of a pretty incredible kid who gets frustrated by not being perfect in his sport, but also does not put in too much extra effort to get better? If so, then YES, it's the same kid. It breaks my heart to see him so sad. He was crying, repeating "I suck" and "Mom, help me" over and over.

"Okay, son, I will help you. Get out your stick/ball/bat/mitt/whatever and lets go practice." Then do it.

Next get a private coach with regular appointments and go to them. Ask the coach privately to give your son homework (200 wall ball hits every evening, 10 free throw baskets in a row, 100 hits in the batting cage each night). Your kid will want to prove himself to you and his private coach.

Finally, start allowing son to see you repeatedly fail at something (new video game, free throws, etc) and then watch how you correct it through practice.

Anonymous wrote:
They don't tell me that because they respect me. I have earned that respect by showing them how much I do for them and how I sacrifice my needs and wants for theirs. Even though I don't know as much in their areas of interest, they know I'm an expert on other things. And if they occasionally get a little rude, they need to be careful because I can be crushingly authoritarian if I need to be.