Anonymous wrote:We spend Christmas at our house. It is important enough to me to make this happen even if it got others upset. But you have to decide what is right for you.

This.

It depends. We switch which family we go to every other year. We either go to my grandparent's house or my inlaws. At my grandparents (very elderly), my parents and my family host and make the large dinner for all my aunts, uncles and cousins. It basically feels like it's our house because I've grown up going there for Christmases. We help decorate my grandparent's tree and stock their fridge. I love seeing everyone. It's loud and chaotic.

At my inlaws it's just DH's sibling and my inlaws. I sort of feel like a child and don't get to help cook (all done before we arrive) or decorate. Christmas is on their schedule. I don't dislike my inlaws, so this post isn't about me hating them. It just feels different and not celebratory.

This year we're staying home and inviting everyone. I only think my family will come. I'm pretty sure we won't be traveling again as my grandparents died this year. We have the only grandchidlren on either side and they are really into santa. These santa years will pass so quickly I'm sure. I want to make it fun and exciting for them so that my kids will return if they want after graduating high school. I had quite a few boyfriends who didn't want to go to their parents house because their parents "barely celebrated" or "didn't do anything for Christmas" and I want to make sure my kids don't say that about me. We've never hosted before and never spent Christmas in our own home before. Been married for over a decade now and we figure it's our turn.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We see family on christmas eve and spend christmas at home. My chlidren opening presents under the tree at their own home trumps whatever extended family wants. They are only young once.

So opening presents are more important than spending time with family? I guess one day your kids will tell your grandchildren that opening presents under the tree matters more than spending time with you : ) Merry Christmas!

Oh, no! Grouchy saint pp showed up! She misplaced her Xanax again!

Ha! She NEEDS to pile on the guilt! I bet her kids have been saying that they’re never going to travel on Christmas when they grow up. Guilt and martyrdom are the only cards she has left to play.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We see family on christmas eve and spend christmas at home. My chlidren opening presents under the tree at their own home trumps whatever extended family wants. They are only young once.

So opening presents are more important than spending time with family? I guess one day your kids will tell your grandchildren that opening presents under the tree matters more than spending time with you : ) Merry Christmas!

Oh wow! What a grinch!

As a kid I hated having to sleep in cramped uncomfortable pull outs (or the floor) and having to be quiet until the adults woke up. It sucked the joy out of visiting grandparents and out of Christmas. I really envied my friends who got to stay home and wake up early and drink cocoa. It sounded so nice.

I visit family all the time, but my children sleep in a comfortable cozy bed on Christmas Eve and run down the stairs on Christmas Day. It is wonderful! Plus, they actually get to enjoy grandparent visits since it’s not taking away from the fun of Christmas.

I feel it’s important for families to start their own traditions at home. My parents always made us to go my huge family celebrations at my grandparents. We never had our own Christmas until much later. My extended family was very dysfunctional and those days at my grandparents crowded and chaotic house were really stressful.

Anonymous wrote:I have lived abroad since graduating from college about 20 years ago. Now I’m about 2-3 hours from my parents and siblings. This will be our first Xmas close to family. My other siblings always take their kids to my parents a day or two early and open presents on Xmas morning etc at my parents instead of their own home. My elementary school aged kids are used opening gifts and playing with their toys at their own house and want to keep it this way. I would prefer it this way but my siblings are mad that we aren’t making an effort to be there on Xmas eve and day. The idea of packing up my kids and their presents, driving thru holiday traffic there and back and staying at my parents small and crowded house seems really exhausting. Hosting family at my home is not an option since my siblings prefer to be at my parents and their in-laws who live in the same town. How do other families handle this? I’m feeling guilty but don’t think what I’m going is out of the ordinary.

We took turns year to year. Between our families and hosting duties. In the end we had Christmas at home about half the time and about half those times it was just us. If it were me, I would probably go to my family for the big Christmas this year- (at least in my family) big family Christmases are fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We see family on christmas eve and spend christmas at home. My chlidren opening presents under the tree at their own home trumps whatever extended family wants. They are only young once.

So opening presents are more important than spending time with family? I guess one day your kids will tell your grandchildren that opening presents under the tree matters more than spending time with you : ) Merry Christmas!

NP. My parents, after a horrific experience trying to schlep two toddlers from DC to Boston for Christmas ("because faaaaaaaaaaamily!") in a snowstorm, refused to travel for holidays from that point forward. I loved Christmas at home. And my parents, by some miracle, remembered how much easier it was and never demand the presence of their adult children on holidays, letting us create memories in our homes. Sometimes we would get together on Christmas evening. Sometimes we do christmas a few days later. Sometimes we end up shipping gifts to each other. We spend time with family, we just refuse to be held hostage by the calendar.

Do whatever you want. It sounds like you all want to stay home so do it. See the family another time.

We traveled when they were young without the presents. Santa came to where you live so the presents were waiting when we got back. On Christmas Day they opened presents from their grandparents, aunts and uncles. This is how I also grew up. Eventually we switched to staying at our own home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We see family on christmas eve and spend christmas at home. My chlidren opening presents under the tree at their own home trumps whatever extended family wants. They are only young once.

So opening presents are more important than spending time with family? I guess one day your kids will tell your grandchildren that opening presents under the tree matters more than spending time with you : ) Merry Christmas!

Oh, no! Grouchy saint pp showed up! She misplaced her Xanax again!

Anonymous wrote:We see family on christmas eve and spend christmas at home. My chlidren opening presents under the tree at their own home trumps whatever extended family wants. They are only young once.

So opening presents are more important than spending time with family? I guess one day your kids will tell your grandchildren that opening presents under the tree matters more than spending time with you : ) Merry Christmas!

Before kids we would go to my in laws. But once we had kids we stopped. But our family didn’t really try to mesh together. They have a huge gift exchange that we were supposed to watch and then there was a small present opening event that included my kids. It really wasn’t fun. So we stopped going. If my family was more like yours, OP, we’d go there because we really do love being around family.

My kids are young adults now, but we always spent the Christmas at our own home. We never once traveled for Christmas with kids. Presents at our own home.

I would love, love, love to stay home for Christmas but my asshole husband insists on visiting his stupid family.

We live on opposite coasts and we stay home for Christmas.

Growing up, we had Christmas morning at home and then we would drive to Grandma’s in the afternoon so we would have Christmas dinner with extended family.
In your case, if there was a big Christmas dinner and family was enjoyable to be around, I would do this. Gives the best of both worlds and there is no traffic that time of day, gives kids a chance to rest from the early morning and lots of excitement.

Don’t feel pressured to spend Christmas the way your siblings want you to. If you and your family want to be home, do it.

Home, always. I grew up in a situation where we never really knew where we would be living. Having my DD sleep in her own warm bed and wake up to presents under the tree in her own living room is an important tradition for me.