Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:58
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Is it your thyroid? Are you one the natural thyroid med ? I think it works much better than synthroid. Anyway you might be romanticizing sah life a bit. In my experience you get LESS ‘me’ time.
I sah part time and wfh. My house is a disaster because the kids play here all day and I cook constantly. My husband is unhappy because he’s always cleaning the kitchen but I can’t clean and do childcare, all I can manage is cooking. Laundry is always a disaster. The mail piles are hilariously teetering. I can barely keep up with paying the lawn mower and the nanny.
I am a healthy weight., and I get to do things like walk my 3 yo to preschool and take them outside to play. But I deal with a lot of tantrums, diapers, and puke. Also I miss out on talking with peers.
it’s worth it to me. I like spending time with my kids right now. But I wouldn’t assume you will be Martha Stewart. Childhood is messy, crazy, chaotic. No real ‘me’ time. I often skip things like shaving or teeth brushing, which I know sounds crazy, but I am always in on call. I guess we can keep a neat house once they’re in college.
Can you take a gym class at lunch time? I would start there. Also thought this article was great: https://parenting.nytimes.com/feeding/meal-planning-kids
There are some helpful tips in the article-- thank you!
I was home with my oldest for the first year, and it was HARD. I understand the challenges, but my reasons for wanting to make a change are to spend more time with my kids, and work on my health. I mentioned in a follow-up post that my 5YO is in kindergarten during the school year, and my 2YO (soon to be 3) is a pretty easy kid. I would be happy with an hour to work out (gym daycare) and cooking a simple/healthy meal for my family.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:57
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
$140k is a lot of money without a mortgage.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:48
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
This is not helpful, as hindsight is 20/20, but why did you decide to ramp up at work with such young children?
During the daycare years, I was really conscious about keeping the job that gave me the flexibility I needed.
Frankly, and I know this is also not helpful, but your husband sounds like a jerk. I'd say the same if the shoe were on the other foot and he were dealing with health crap while you expected him to continue to work.
You need to think about the long game and build your life accordingly. Keep in mind that you are likely to feel overwhelmed during the elementary school years as well - homework you'll have to help your kids with after a long day, sports practices, weekend games, carpools, other non-sport activities, and so on. It is not uncommon for there to be 12+ snow days called by FCPS. I know quite a few families that had to get an au pair or hire a nanny for elementary aged kids for these reasons.
During the daycare years, I was really conscious about keeping the job that gave me the flexibility I needed.
Frankly, and I know this is also not helpful, but your husband sounds like a jerk. I'd say the same if the shoe were on the other foot and he were dealing with health crap while you expected him to continue to work.
You need to think about the long game and build your life accordingly. Keep in mind that you are likely to feel overwhelmed during the elementary school years as well - homework you'll have to help your kids with after a long day, sports practices, weekend games, carpools, other non-sport activities, and so on. It is not uncommon for there to be 12+ snow days called by FCPS. I know quite a few families that had to get an au pair or hire a nanny for elementary aged kids for these reasons.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:45
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Is it your thyroid? Are you one the natural thyroid med ? I think it works much better than synthroid. Anyway you might be romanticizing sah life a bit. In my experience you get LESS ‘me’ time.
I sah part time and wfh. My house is a disaster because the kids play here all day and I cook constantly. My husband is unhappy because he’s always cleaning the kitchen but I can’t clean and do childcare, all I can manage is cooking. Laundry is always a disaster. The mail piles are hilariously teetering. I can barely keep up with paying the lawn mower and the nanny.
I am a healthy weight., and I get to do things like walk my 3 yo to preschool and take them outside to play. But I deal with a lot of tantrums, diapers, and puke. Also I miss out on talking with peers.
it’s worth it to me. I like spending time with my kids right now. But I wouldn’t assume you will be Martha Stewart. Childhood is messy, crazy, chaotic. No real ‘me’ time. I often skip things like shaving or teeth brushing, which I know sounds crazy, but I am always in on call. I guess we can keep a neat house once they’re in college.
Can you take a gym class at lunch time? I would start there. Also thought this article was great: https://parenting.nytimes.com/feeding/meal-planning-kids
I sah part time and wfh. My house is a disaster because the kids play here all day and I cook constantly. My husband is unhappy because he’s always cleaning the kitchen but I can’t clean and do childcare, all I can manage is cooking. Laundry is always a disaster. The mail piles are hilariously teetering. I can barely keep up with paying the lawn mower and the nanny.
I am a healthy weight., and I get to do things like walk my 3 yo to preschool and take them outside to play. But I deal with a lot of tantrums, diapers, and puke. Also I miss out on talking with peers.
it’s worth it to me. I like spending time with my kids right now. But I wouldn’t assume you will be Martha Stewart. Childhood is messy, crazy, chaotic. No real ‘me’ time. I often skip things like shaving or teeth brushing, which I know sounds crazy, but I am always in on call. I guess we can keep a neat house once they’re in college.
Can you take a gym class at lunch time? I would start there. Also thought this article was great: https://parenting.nytimes.com/feeding/meal-planning-kids
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:25
Subject: Re:I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would DH’s job cover health insurance for the family? That’s usually a big cost if not working. If you get health coverage through his job then it sounds you should be able to swing it financially. Also try for part time if possible. Working 3 days a week would give you a lot of breathing room.
Best of luck especially with your health.
OP here and I think 3 days a week would be ideal. We currently get our health insurance through DH's employer, so nothing would change there.
I’m trying 3 days a week to solve for a similar problem and unfortunately is a massive failure. If you’re the only person doing your function I suspect you’ll end up working much closer to 90% bc you won’t want to let balls drop / screw your company. And then you just end up even more stressed bc you’re trying to operate like you have more time but you don’t and you’re constantly toggling back and forth
OP here, and I agree-- part-time in my current position simply wouldn't work.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:22
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 5 and 2... If you become a SAHM don’t overestimate the time you’ll have to work out and get things done. Self care can be even harder to schedule when you’re home with kids all day.
I understand. My 5YO is in kindergarten during the school year, and my 2YO is pretty easy on his own. When I was home with my oldest, I could NEVER get anything done. My 2YO plays nicely on his own and is just a more chill kid. However, I would plan to use the gym daycare for an hour each day to work out, and my only other goal would be to cook a simple/healthy meal.
--OP
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:19
Subject: Re:I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Would DH’s job cover health insurance for the family? That’s usually a big cost if not working. If you get health coverage through his job then it sounds you should be able to swing it financially. Also try for part time if possible. Working 3 days a week would give you a lot of breathing room.
Best of luck especially with your health.
OP here and I think 3 days a week would be ideal. We currently get our health insurance through DH's employer, so nothing would change there.
I’m trying 3 days a week to solve for a similar problem and unfortunately is a massive failure. If you’re the only person doing your function I suspect you’ll end up working much closer to 90% bc you won’t want to let balls drop / screw your company. And then you just end up even more stressed bc you’re trying to operate like you have more time but you don’t and you’re constantly toggling back and forth
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:10
Subject: Re:I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Would DH’s job cover health insurance for the family? That’s usually a big cost if not working. If you get health coverage through his job then it sounds you should be able to swing it financially. Also try for part time if possible. Working 3 days a week would give you a lot of breathing room.
Best of luck especially with your health.
OP here and I think 3 days a week would be ideal. We currently get our health insurance through DH's employer, so nothing would change there.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:09
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:I am sorry to hear that. Would you and DH be comfortable with you being a SAHM if you left and couldn’t get back in? Your kids are still small? Any flexibility to negotiate 50% time?
No, DH is not interested in being the sole breadwinner, but he might be open to the idea on a temporary basis. I work for a small company, and am the only person in my role/performing my function. Not sure if part-time would work.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 09:08
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Have you been evaluated for depression? If this is what you are experiencing, you might want to consider therapy and medication first to stabilize before you make a decision about your career that may have lasting repercussions.
OP here. I have seen a therapist in the past. I may have some depression, I'm not sure. I actually have a lot of pretty happy days, I just cannot seem to find the motivation and energy to get up at 430AM to work out. If I could swing that, life would be a lot better because I would be addressing my health issues.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 07:58
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Have you been evaluated for depression? If this is what you are experiencing, you might want to consider therapy and medication first to stabilize before you make a decision about your career that may have lasting repercussions.
Or instead of finding a chemical solution, address the real problem -- too much on your plate. Cut out the part you don't need.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 07:57
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I cannot believe what I read here. Women wanting to throw away their careers so they can...catch up on laundry and dishes? Organize a closet of paperwork? Ladies, COME ON! Put aside a few thousand dollars a year and hire someone. There are plenty of morning housekeepers who can keep the house under control. And for those papers- hire an organizer. Recognize that 1) you cannot do it all yourself and 2) just bc you cannot do it all yourself you don’t have to quit. Hire someone. Hire more help than you think you need.
You are completely missing the point. There comes a time in some people's lives when the career stops being meaningful and fulfilling and instead is an albatross that slowly destroys the family. At that point you aren't "throwing away" a career, you are killing the albatross and reclaiming your life.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 06:57
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
Have you been evaluated for depression? If this is what you are experiencing, you might want to consider therapy and medication first to stabilize before you make a decision about your career that may have lasting repercussions.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 06:36
Subject: Re:I wish I could stay home for a year
Take a break OP, what's the point of continuing to have such a stressed out life. Your kids need a healthy parent, you need to do this for yourself and your children.
Anonymous
12/10/2019 06:35
Subject: I wish I could stay home for a year
I feel your pain op. I’ve always wanted the Same. Look into intermittent fasting for your health issues...