You need a fence with a self-locking door (i.e. a hinge on springs that will swing close and latch if you leave it open). And the mechanism to open the door needs to be high up.

Like this:

To OP--Although some people have said there is no way they would trust their parents or inlaws to properly keep the kids safe in this situation I have re-read your original post and nowhere do you say that your inlaws don't properly watch your kids or that they are feeble minded or careless. So why not find a safety solution as you originally mentioned? Not all older people are careless and demented. You don't say how old they are but generally people in their 60s or 70s and many in their 80s are fairly sharp and vigilant in caring for young kids. Many parents (as opposed to grandparents) are much less careful, in my opinion.

So, I commend you for trying to find an acceptable solution and I also admire the inlaws for wanting to do whatever it takes to keep the little ones safe. Many many people have pools and young kids and do not have pool accidents. It is not a given that young kids around pools will drown.

I would suggest that if you have reservations then you let the inlaws install a fence or locks or whatever and then go there with the kids for a few days and observe the situation and then decide whether it is acceptable to leave the kids there without you and the husband being there.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - they have one of those massive lanai where the pool is basically fenced into the house.

I’m trying to think through if there’s any solution bc one of my best friends is getting married the weekend at the end of the week we are supposed to be visiting this spring. I know everyone’s solution will just be that we leave the kids there for the night and fly out and back to the wedding before taking the kids home. Or I go myself but my dh kind of checks out when his parents have the kids assuming they’ll keep them safe. That fence that can go up looks interesting and they would likely be willing to install if I insist

Wait, what? Are you saying that if you leave the kids with the grandparents and DH, you don’t trust DH to not let your 2 year old drown...?

My MIL has a pool. When my kids were young, she had no respect for our parenting wishes like car seats (she didn’t use them and her kids were fine), washing hands before touching kids (twins were premies and NICU recommended it to prevent infection), among other things. She also lost interest in them easily. They are now in college and have never spent the night at her house. When they were younger, it was for their safety. When they got older, it was their choice. Stand your ground op.

The only option for mobile kids who can’t swim is one trusted adult per child whose ONLY job is to watch that child. For me, the trusted adults are me, my mom, and my husband when and only when he is not drinking. I have a friend I would trust but we’ve never been to the beach or pool together. It has to be very clear who is on duty for which kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They could have a fence like this installed. There are holes in the concrete that the poles go into. Once there are no kids around they can take the whole fence down and leave it down and it won't be unattractive or a bother in any way.

Any idea what this is called / what you googled to find it?

I Googled "Pool safety fences" and then clicked images

Anonymous wrote:Op here - they have one of those massive lanai where the pool is basically fenced into the house.

I’m trying to think through if there’s any solution bc one of my best friends is getting married the weekend at the end of the week we are supposed to be visiting this spring. I know everyone’s solution will just be that we leave the kids there for the night and fly out and back to the wedding before taking the kids home. Or I go myself but my dh kind of checks out when his parents have the kids assuming they’ll keep them safe. That fence that can go up looks interesting and they would likely be willing to install if I insist

Op, there are chil safety locks that go above a child’s reach.

Pay for a professional baby proofing expert to assess their home and install locks as appropriate.

We have a pool at our house. Every single door to the backyard has a deadbolt that requires a key. Only way to do it with small children.

A truckload of dirt dumped directly into the pool would do it for me.

Otherwise: nope. No way.

Anonymous wrote:They could have a fence like this installed. There are holes in the concrete that the poles go into. Once there are no kids around they can take the whole fence down and leave it down and it won't be unattractive or a bother in any way.

This is what my in laws have. No way would I ever leave my kids there alone OP. I know a 3 year old who wandered off and died in a scenario like this. It’s not worth it.

My dad has an in ground pool with no fence (because “I don’t believe in fences or the law”). I don’t allow my kids to stay overnight there without me ever. No questions. Not until they are strong swimmers. My sister won’t either and her kids are pretty strong swimmers but only 6 and 8 years old. Mine was 3 and 4.5 years old.

We live in Florida and we have a pool and a lot of small grandchildren. We keep all of the doors to the pool locked and these locks are very difficult to open. Small children can not unlock them. We do have beepers on the doors when they are opened but they are not loud alarms. Even with that we are hyper when our grandkids are around even when their parents are with us.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - they have one of those massive lanai where the pool is basically fenced into the house.

I’m trying to think through if there’s any solution bc one of my best friends is getting married the weekend at the end of the week we are supposed to be visiting this spring. I know everyone’s solution will just be that we leave the kids there for the night and fly out and back to the wedding before taking the kids home. Or I go myself but my dh kind of checks out when his parents have the kids assuming they’ll keep them safe. That fence that can go up looks interesting and they would likely be willing to install if I insist

You’re nuts to consider using the grandparents in this situation.

Either get a sitter to stay at your home with them OR allow grandparents come to YOUR house to sit.

Anonymous wrote:They could have a fence like this installed. There are holes in the concrete that the poles go into. Once there are no kids around they can take the whole fence down and leave it down and it won't be unattractive or a bother in any way.

Any idea what this is called / what you googled to find it?

Anonymous wrote:Op here - they have one of those massive lanai where the pool is basically fenced into the house.

I’m trying to think through if there’s any solution bc one of my best friends is getting married the weekend at the end of the week we are supposed to be visiting this spring. I know everyone’s solution will just be that we leave the kids there for the night and fly out and back to the wedding before taking the kids home. Or I go myself but my dh kind of checks out when his parents have the kids assuming they’ll keep them safe. That fence that can go up looks interesting and they would likely be willing to install if I insist

Have them watch the kids in your house. I’m honestly paranoid about pools myself. I get why you’re concerned and I’d feel the same way about it.