email her and congrats!!

I think being gracious in how your good news can sting for her is the most important thing. Let her know that you know that. Acknowledge it and say it out loud. "I know that my good news may feel like bad news for you. I'm sorry if it's hard to hear. I love you." and then LISTEN to her.

And don't complain about your pregnancy, or child rearing of 2 children etc to her. Find other outlets for that, because you will have challenges, but they are also challenges she'd desperately take on.

Lead with kindness and empathy and listen to her. The rest will fall into place.

Op here. Thank you all for your perspectives. I ended up calling her and telling her on the phone right away. I think she knew my cycle anyway since we talked about it in October, so it wasn’t a huge surprise, although she was very emotional. She told me, and I’m hopeful this is true, that she is soooo excited for me (probably more excited than I am!) and has been waiting for me to have another baby for a long time, even while she is so sad about her own situation. I feel like we can be there for each other. I didn’t want to wait for 12 weeks because I want to confide in her in case I misscarry, and I felt like it would be even more of challenge to have that conversation with her if she didn’t know I was pregnant in the first place.

I’ve been in your sister’s shoes. There’s no guarantee how she will react because it’s really hard to want a child more than anything and see everyone else have what you want. BUT the best way to do this is the best way to do anything. Get your courage together, be clear and compassionate, and take her lead. Make sure she’s alone when you tell her, not out in public.

Tell her first. Don’t let her find out through others.

And congratulations on the baby! Your sister gets to be the worlds most loving aunt, and I hope you get to do the same for her one day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to deal with this last year. I texted her so that she could receive the info and react/cry/etc. without feeling like she had to congratulate me on the phone or sound happy about it.

As a warning - I hope your sister reacts better than mine did - we barely spoke for a year and a half. She has yet to really acknowledge my baby. It's basically ended our relationship. She's going through the adoption process now and I'm just praying that once she has a baby we can go back to normal.

I’m sorry but that’s just crap. She never acknowledged your baby? Her pain is no excuse. That is vile behavior.

Agreed. I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I think people who that selfish and self absorbed shouldn’t have children, and I’m kind of glad they don’t.

You deserve to get flamed for that. The statement in and of itself is selfish. You have no idea the trauma that other people go through to have a family. If you're one of those people and it didn't affect you as adversely, than good for you and your resiliency. But not everyone is built that one, and not everyone's journey is the same.

No one is guaranteed a child. Life is not fair and family and friends should be happy for good news, not be jealous!

No one is guaranteed a child/life isn’t fair = hard agree.

People aren’t entitled to their feelings based on their individual experiences = hard disagree

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to deal with this last year. I texted her so that she could receive the info and react/cry/etc. without feeling like she had to congratulate me on the phone or sound happy about it.

As a warning - I hope your sister reacts better than mine did - we barely spoke for a year and a half. She has yet to really acknowledge my baby. It's basically ended our relationship. She's going through the adoption process now and I'm just praying that once she has a baby we can go back to normal.

I’m sorry but that’s just crap. She never acknowledged your baby? Her pain is no excuse. That is vile behavior.

Agreed. I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I think people who that selfish and self absorbed shouldn’t have children, and I’m kind of glad they don’t.

You deserve to get flamed for that. The statement in and of itself is selfish. You have no idea the trauma that other people go through to have a family. If you're one of those people and it didn't affect you as adversely, than good for you and your resiliency. But not everyone is built that one, and not everyone's journey is the same.

No one is guaranteed a child. Life is not fair and family and friends should be happy for good news, not be jealous!

No one is guaranteed a child/life isn’t fair = hard agree.

People aren’t entitled to their feelings based on their individual experiences = hard disagree

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to deal with this last year. I texted her so that she could receive the info and react/cry/etc. without feeling like she had to congratulate me on the phone or sound happy about it.

As a warning - I hope your sister reacts better than mine did - we barely spoke for a year and a half. She has yet to really acknowledge my baby. It's basically ended our relationship. She's going through the adoption process now and I'm just praying that once she has a baby we can go back to normal.

I’m sorry but that’s just crap. She never acknowledged your baby? Her pain is no excuse. That is vile behavior.

Agreed. I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I think people who that selfish and self absorbed shouldn’t have children, and I’m kind of glad they don’t.

You deserve to get flamed for that. The statement in and of itself is selfish. You have no idea the trauma that other people go through to have a family. If you're one of those people and it didn't affect you as adversely, than good for you and your resiliency. But not everyone is built that one, and not everyone's journey is the same.

No one is guaranteed a child. Life is not fair and family and friends should be happy for good news, not be jealous!

I wouldn't tell her until at least you know it's a viable pregnancy- trust me, I los tone early.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to deal with this last year. I texted her so that she could receive the info and react/cry/etc. without feeling like she had to congratulate me on the phone or sound happy about it.

As a warning - I hope your sister reacts better than mine did - we barely spoke for a year and a half. She has yet to really acknowledge my baby. It's basically ended our relationship. She's going through the adoption process now and I'm just praying that once she has a baby we can go back to normal.

I’m sorry but that’s just crap. She never acknowledged your baby? Her pain is no excuse. That is vile behavior.

What a crappy sister. I would not want her back in my life.

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell her. Don’t apologize for it or anything.

Agree. There's no such thing as a little pregnancy. Her problems are not your fault and no reason you should not tell her. A sister who lives you ei be happy for you.