DS13--

sweet, moody, earnest but not great followthrough, loves me one minute and wants me out of his life the next, quiet when company is around (some social nervousness), incredibly kind, irritable when his ADHD meds wear off too (guess there are a few boys and girls on ADHD meds). I definitely worry about his ability to manage himself when he's on his own one day-- been trying to back off and let him figure it out.

Anonymous wrote:

My 14-year old is very social.

He has his best friend over or he goes there a few times per week. He also will meet kids from school at the HS field to play sports during weekend day. He just had dinner at a different friends house last night. The boys (about 5 that are very close) will sometimes have sleepovers when they all have a day off from sports.

He plays a competitive sport that has 3 practices per week and at least one game on weekends.

He walks the dog, plays sports out back with his 11-year old brother. He mows lawns (4 customers).

He has all As, reads. He likes to draw. We limit electronics - but will play Xbox some.

Both my boys prefer to be with friends any chance they get.

My son is also 14. I am absolutely amazed at the amount of free time your son has, after doing school work. There is no way my son could be on that schedule and still do well in school. My son gets home at dinner time, has minimum three hours of homework on a weeknight, and any extra time is devoted to his phone. Weekends are games, more homework, more phone time (texting friends and YouTube videos)and maybe one night hanging out with a friend. OP, your don sounds like most every other teen boy.

I know. He is a Fall bday so only in 8th grade which may be why he has less HW most of the 14-year old kids in HS on this thread. He says he does most of his homework in school. I'm not sure--but he has always been a kid that does not need to study or work as hard as friends (friends in same classes) whose parents tell me have hours of HW. He never seems to have much-but he get all As in the intensified HS courses- so it's getting done somewhere.

His sports practices are also pretty late. He gets off the bus at 2:45 and doesn't leave for practice until 7pm. He will usually visit with a friend that rides the bus home for an hour or so at our house or his. This is a lot of time. We don't allow endless phone/youtube/xbox. My kids manage the time fairly well. We also have chores they need to do before they can even think about screen time. I tend to be more of an introvert so I am glad my kids spend a lot of time socializing/hanging out with friends because I think it's so good for mental health.

Anonymous wrote:My 14 year-old son is

Sweet: hugs me goodnight on his way to bed each night, even if I’m already asleep
Maddening: wears air pods constantly and has to be told most things three times before he does them
Self-sufficient: makes his own eggs for breakfast and does his own laundry
Rude: says snarky things to me that are sometimes hurtful and hard to let go
Puts school first: deals with school all on his own and takes responsibility for grades, the good and the bad
Digital addict: constantly on his phone, listening to music or playing Fortnite with friends (and yes, this is how they socialize now)
Social: hangs with the family at mealtimes and tells good stories about his day

I could go on...basically, all 14 year-olds have some good traits and some bad, just like all people. They are developing human beings and well on their way to who they’re going to be. Your mom may not understand how times have changed.

I think we have the same son

Thanks for everyone's perspectives. I wish my DS could do more after school activities but he needs the after school time to get his homework done before his meds wear off. Once they wear off, he is pretty much a mess mentally. He cannot concentrate long enough to get much done. So he has to come home pretty much right after school so there is not much socializing in person during the week. When it wasn't dark by 5pm, we would take our dog for a walk after dinner. Now neither one of us wants to do that in the cold and dark. I was thinking of maybe doing a game after dinner with him just for some more interaction.

Normal and healthy aren't necessarily the same.

"He spends most of his time in his room doing homework, texting friends and watching You Tube videos and playing video games. "

So it sounds like all he does outside of school is spend time on screens. That's not healthy and probably leads to moodiness. Just because it's "normal" and so many other kids do this, doesn't mean it's healthy.

Anonymous wrote:14y old twin boys:

1. Very extroverted. Regularly plays online gaming with school friends. Seeks out opportunities to socialize with friends in the neighborhood. When not playing online with friends, is laying in bed watching YouTube. Plays team sports. Engaged with us, but less vocal about how things are going with him emotionally/socially. Very picky eater.

2. Very introverted. Plays games solo. Rarely seeks out opportunities to socialize with friends in the neighborhood. Few friends - has one or two close friends but he doesn't go out of his way to engage. He participates in a sport but doesn't really talk with teammates. Much more engaged with us - telling us how he is doing/feeling. Much more adventurous eater.

My parents were here this weekend and thought both kids were abnormal. So, you can't win.

lol

14y old twin boys:

1. Very extroverted. Regularly plays online gaming with school friends. Seeks out opportunities to socialize with friends in the neighborhood. When not playing online with friends, is laying in bed watching YouTube. Plays team sports. Engaged with us, but less vocal about how things are going with him emotionally/socially. Very picky eater.

2. Very introverted. Plays games solo. Rarely seeks out opportunities to socialize with friends in the neighborhood. Few friends - has one or two close friends but he doesn't go out of his way to engage. He participates in a sport but doesn't really talk with teammates. Much more engaged with us - telling us how he is doing/feeling. Much more adventurous eater.

My parents were here this weekend and thought both kids were abnormal. So, you can't win.

This is normal... when my parents are here, I encourage my son to spend a little less time in his room and to hang with them. They like to watch football, play cards, and watch Jeopardy, so he joins in those activities. Maybe next time your son can try to spend a little more time with your mom.

very normal

My 14-year old is very social.

He has his best friend over or he goes there a few times per week. He also will meet kids from school at the HS field to play sports during weekend day. He just had dinner at a different friends house last night. The boys (about 5 that are very close) will sometimes have sleepovers when they all have a day off from sports.

He plays a competitive sport that has 3 practices per week and at least one game on weekends.

He walks the dog, plays sports out back with his 11-year old brother. He mows lawns (4 customers).

He has all As, reads. He likes to draw. We limit electronics - but will play Xbox some.

Both my boys prefer to be with friends any chance they get.

My son is also 14. I am absolutely amazed at the amount of free time your son has, after doing school work. There is no way my son could be on that schedule and still do well in school. My son gets home at dinner time, has minimum three hours of homework on a weeknight, and any extra time is devoted to his phone. Weekends are games, more homework, more phone time (texting friends and YouTube videos)and maybe one night hanging out with a friend. OP, your don sounds like most every other teen boy.

OP here. My mom is also hard of hearing and it doesn’t help that my son mumbles. I had to keep telling him to repeat himself so after some of that, he was done. I guess I need to teach him to be more patient and speak clearly so she can hear him.

My almost 14 year old daughter is just like this. I can't imagine kids this age wanting to spend a lot of time with grandparents.

My guess is that your mom was visiting for Thanksgiving and her feelings were hurt that your son didn't want to hang out and chat with her more. He is normal, and she is not expressing herself accurately.

Maybe next time make him do a couple more things with grandma? I know it can be a struggle. My mother can hardly hear but refuses to admit it. But my kids talk quietly (despite my private reminders) so even when they try to chat with her it doesn't go well. She's also in terrible physical shape so we can't do much outside of the home together. There is only so much quiet sitting together that they can tolerate, so they often go their own way when she visits. And then she says she hardly sees them.

Totally fine ... he sounds just like my 14 year old son.

my 14 year old spends alot of time on his ipad or reading. a lot of homework. good student; i don't get involved. 2 extra curriculars at school + musical instrument outside of school. i've been pushing him to add another outside of school activity but he is not particularly interested. he is very happy hanging out at home alot. has one good friend in the neighborhood he hangs out with on weekends. has friends at school but doesn't do much with them outside of school. not into sports or drama; so i think that limits the school groups. chats with me and is sociable with guests. have to tell him 3x to put dishes in sink. kind of spaces out. gets to school and back on his own; does his own laundry but leave the clean clothes on the floor.