Anonymous wrote:You dont have to be calm and patient all the time. I have my meltdowns, everyone does. Sometimes it takes me going batshit for something to sink in.

A word of caution, OP, from the mom of a 17-y-o who has behaved intolerably for years. I agree with this poster, but make sure your spouse has your back. Mine does not. I have said things like "you're being a jerk" to our son or reacted snarkily to his rudeness. To my husband, a man who only uses "I" statements, our son is justified in acting as though I don't exist (for months! In defense of his bruised ego, I suppose). So you need to be on the same page.

OP here- Thank you for the advice. Truly.

Teens will absolutely wear you out at times and then at other times it is “Wow, this is good.” So hang in there, Mom. But seriously if I was this disturbed about my child’s behavior I would have her tested by a psychologists. Teen years are turbulent as they go thru the hormone and physical changes. But it is usually manageable.
I suggest the book “Boundaries” and “Dare to Discipline.” Both of these might give you a clearer picture of what to expect and how to handle the behavior. I also suggest you can call this number-855 382 5433 for resources to help both you and her.
You also might try finding the good things she does and letting her know that you noticed. This may or may not work. Sometimes teens get so frustrated with themselves they are angry and want everyone else to be unhappy also. I don’t know for sure what is going on but it sounds like a little outside help bight bring things around. I am praying for you. God bless you and your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, please clear the internet search history on whatever device you’re using. You don’t want your daughter reading the nasty description of her.

Ooh, passive aggressive snark disguised as advice. Well done.

Moron.

I see it as passive-agressive snark disguised as concern. I've managed to get every person who pulls this type of crap out of my life because it's so unhelpful and toxic. And, the top PP probably has a tween and to her I say, just wait. Nothing can humble a smug parent like a teen girl.

Now, to OP, I want to say, I second "Yes your teen is crazy" which is the ONLY fun parenting book I've ever read, and also the most helpful (I like Untangled also but YYTIC is really helpful on giving you instructions on how you should behave so as to lessen the teen crazy behavior.

I was being utterly serious.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think normal parents talk about their child like this.

You must disregard morons like this/ there will always be nasty trolls on this forum.... I wish they would get banned!

Now on to logical educated folks with helpful responses- yes many parents feel days when they are overwhelmed. If you have a husband or partner, maybe ask them to take her to dinner and you take a break- go to Barnes and Noble. Hey r if you have a parent nearby, ask grandma to come stay for night and get a hotel to think and relax. I did this once and told my husband I had college girlfriend who would be in town hour away and I was going to meet up for dinner and stay with her at her hotel. Gave me chance to have a break.
But also try to find a good counselor.
Kids can be very challenging but there is professional help out there. That’s the best way to handle feeling overwhelmed if it’s a regular thing.

Being perfect isn’t on the dictionary under “parenting” for a reason. Do your best and get help.

You dont have to be calm and patient all the time. I have my meltdowns, everyone does. Sometimes it takes me going batshit for something to sink in.

Also- some teen girls are truly harder than others! That's the kind I have. (After a much easier kid who grew up with same parents, house, family time ). I practice self care like it's my job, and I pick my battles. Also try to keep whatever family time/traditions going that I can. Otherwise our family time could consist only in battles.

I'll be looking into those books upthread, but just wanted to reach out to OP and say-I think I get it.

DH is finding it difficult to parent our 12-year-old emotional roller coaster right now. I keep telling him that this is just the beginning and it’s probably going to get worse. I remember being a teenage girl. I’m not looking forward to it with her but she will come out on the other end just fine. I did.

My 16 yr old daughter texted me today and said that she's so broke that she's having to use change....I replied "Get a job." Then I made a screenshot of her text and sent it to her adult siblings so they can roast her. I have no sympathy for teenage girls, and I just ignore mine when she is feeling needy. No one else got special treatment at 16. She's no exception, and her siblings will call her on it. Anyway, as someone who has been a parent of boys and girls for almost 30 years, that's how I deal with teens. Keep a sense of humor and roast them often. They'll turn out just fine. Four of mine turned out well. Even if the last two end up as disasters, four out of six-not bad. Teenage boys are easier than girls, however. My personal opinion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, please clear the internet search history on whatever device you’re using. You don’t want your daughter reading the nasty description of her.

Ooh, passive aggressive snark disguised as advice. Well done.

Moron.

I see it as passive-agressive snark disguised as concern. I've managed to get every person who pulls this type of crap out of my life because it's so unhelpful and toxic. And, the top PP probably has a tween and to her I say, just wait. Nothing can humble a smug parent like a teen girl.

Now, to OP, I want to say, I second "Yes your teen is crazy" which is the ONLY fun parenting book I've ever read, and also the most helpful (I like Untangled also but YYTIC is really helpful on giving you instructions on how you should behave so as to lessen the teen crazy behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I read somewhere that if they don't make you crazy in HS that your empty nest syndrome (or problems in college) will be worse.

I certainly followed that pattern. Not a single problem or any snark in HS. Flunked out of college, twice.

Eh. I was a super easy kid in HS, graduated from college and went on to get a Ph.D. My sister was a nightmare in HS, never finished college, and our parents are still losing their minds trying to support her (she has some pretty substantial issues).

OP, I have heard great things about Untangled from a trusted friend who also happens to be a child psychologist. Hang in there!

Second the recommendation for "getting to calm."

Anonymous wrote:Yes please read a book like Untangled, it’s so helpful!

+1 This is a hard age. This book is really helping me. Good luck, OP. It isn't easy.

Might I just say that I'm sorry for your troubles, OP, but your post actually helped me today. I feel the same way sometimes, and it just helps to know I'm not alone. It is hard.

Anonymous wrote:Op, please clear the internet search history on whatever device you’re using. You don’t want your daughter reading the nasty description of her.

Ooh, passive aggressive snark disguised as advice. Well done.

Moron.