For me, a person is financially stable if they can pay their bills, can save for retirement or whatever, and have enough money to do some things for fun, like go out to dinner. They are not in substantial debt (I don't count mortgage debt or recently incurred student loan debt) and they're not mooching off of me for basic stuff.

I'm 47 so I assume people in my age range for dating should be at a relatively comfortable point if they are educated enough for me to be interested. A guy doesn't have to be rich - I'd date a teacher or a social worker or a plumber or whatever.

At 25, the checklist for "financial stability" tends to be different than the checklist at 45.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 11.58
FYI I make 350k a year. I found a financially stable man who is a great provider.he is making over 1 mil. He s not multi millionaire/ billionaire. I am not a TroPhy wife. But together we support and complement each other In every aspect.

Yes please do not settled. It s alway good to know what you want and go for it.

Are there enough millionaires to go around for all the women who don’t want to “settle”?

That is my exact thought. Given that half the workforce is female and top 1% of individual income in the US is around 400K and with 157million workers AT MOST there are 1.5million people in the 1%. A portion of them are already married (50%) and a portion of them are women (50%) etc. So lets just say only 25% of them are available.

So there are about 400,000 "available" 1% types in the whole country.

I think the demand for millionaire vampire pirate doctors that can be tamed by the "right girl" outstrips supply.

OP here again.

Yeah, I still err on not putting any financial or socio-economic "requirements" in a dating profile and would always get to know a person first before "evaluating" them. It's more about certain tells that signal whether or not someone is LTR material. It's a certain form of maturity.

The "apartment in Wheaton with a Costco membership" is a perfectly reasonable standard of living for a millennial. Even if he did have roommates - because he wanted to be closer to work in downtown DC, or because he wanted to aggressively save for a downpayment, etc - this would be fine. That's why I hit more at the "mom's basement" thing, or "mattress on the floor with pizza stains." I need to see a certain kind of sophistication and pride in one's standard of living, and an earnest effort to improve one's overall financial and residential situation from when he was in college. There are too many 30-year-old men who don't.

I think that's something you have to assess in person or over time. Someone could have a good job and 30K in credit card debt.

I think saying you want someone financially stable means you're a grown up. It may also mean you've been burned before by slackers but mostly it means you have your head on straight.

Far too few people pay attention to how a significant other manages money.

If you're concerned about being perceived as a gold digger (which I think is ridiculous) you can use different words and make it funny or convey the same message.

- If you're still living at home, can't get a line of credit and have a credit score lower than your SATs we probably won't be a great fit.
- Seeking someone who shares my enjoyment of great credit scores, emergency reserves, and the freedom that comes with being financially smart.
- I'm not looking for a sugar-daddy (nor am I looking to be a sugar-momma) but I am attracted to people who have their finances in order.
- If I said "Hey, I just bought tix to Greece next month - want to join me?" are you the kind of guy who has the spirit of adventure (and financial ability) to say "sure!"?
- I'm smart, independent, fun, financially secure, and looking for similar folks to meet. If you need a Mom, a funding source, or a nurse I'm not your gal, but if you enjoy last minute adventures, blah blah blah....

I think announcing that you want someone financially stable does come across as a gold digger.

When I met my husband in my 20's I had already bought my first home and had no other debt.

Getting to know him I saw that he was also financially responsible so we matched well.

I think it would be fairly easy to suss this out from dating. I wouldn't be advertising what you have at all, some people will try to take advantage.

Anonymous wrote:When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

No. Especially if you have your shit together, all your degrees, low to no debt, savings and investments, a good job with a career trajectory, healthy. Why date or get hitched to someone who’s isn’t most of that.?

Anonymous wrote:Look there are different standards for men and women. Men have it a lot tough vs women. A woman’s financial stability(or living at home, driving a beater, etc) is not something the will stop a man from dating or marriage her. Now it will stop most women from even considering a man.

It could. A guy in his 30’s that either doesn’t want to be a provider or can’t but wants to settle down isn’t dating or marrying a mid 30’s woman that is a hot mess financially and wants to have kids right away. Now he might date someone in her mid twenties that you would expect might have roommates and can wait 8 years to start having kids. So I think the age of the man and woman, the financial outlook of the guy, and where they are in wanting to settle down and have kids all plays a part in the standards.

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to want that. But it still looks bad to put it in a profile, and won't achieve the effect you want.

For one thing, it is going to drive away good guys. Some will think you are a gold-digger. Others will think you have emphasized "financially stable" precisely because you are not financially stable. ("She wants a financially stable guy because she recently declared bankruptcy. Hmmm, no thanks.")

For another thing, it is not going to deter guys who are not "financially stable." You think that loser who lives in his mom's basement is going to see that and say, "OK, she won't like me, I don't have a shot, so I won't bother her"? No. He will think he can change your mind if he convinces you to meet him in person and date him for a while. Just like if you say you want a guy who is at least 6' tall, the short guys will still sweet talk you and then oh darn he shows up for the first date and he's not 6' tall after all.

+1. Agree with this poster and LOL about it not deterring the guy that isn’t financially stable. In online profiles this is the equivalent to the guy that is in his 50 and has is looking for 25-38 year olds profile.

What you want though isn’t crazy. I expect a guy to be “adulting” if I am also at that stage in life. Living within means and supporting oneself shouldn’t be that high of a bar if someone male or female is considering dating to marry and having kids someday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:30 year old woman here - I make twice as much as my fiancé but I would consider him financially stable: he has a masters degree and an established career as a federal employee, he is in a student loan repayment plan with his employer, he has no other debt, he has a 401k and a savings account, he doesn’t have anything crazy like a lease on a car he can’t afford, etc. it means stable. Not rich. Just stable.

This. I just posted and have over $1M net worth. My goal here is to find somebody who is a reliable saver, doesn't take on tons of debt for no good reason, and generally won't bankrupt us both. XDH was horrible with money (although that's night why we split), there were nights I couldn't sleep over it, and I don't want to repeat that. Middle class is fine.

PP here and I drive a 15 year old Honda. I don’t really care about status, but rather being comfortable and prepared for the future.

Anonymous wrote:30 year old woman here - I make twice as much as my fiancé but I would consider him financially stable: he has a masters degree and an established career as a federal employee, he is in a student loan repayment plan with his employer, he has no other debt, he has a 401k and a savings account, he doesn’t have anything crazy like a lease on a car he can’t afford, etc. it means stable. Not rich. Just stable.

This. I just posted and have over $1M net worth. My goal here is to find somebody who is a reliable saver, doesn't take on tons of debt for no good reason, and generally won't bankrupt us both. XDH was horrible with money (although that's night why we split), there were nights I couldn't sleep over it, and I don't want to repeat that. Middle class is fine.

NP and I've been wondering the same things. I'm a divorced woman with over $1M net worth, and I drive an old car rather than buying a Tesla (although I do love to travel!). Dating apps seem to be rife with men who are looking for a sugar momma to help them retire (it's not clear from what) at 55, not to mention, put a roof over their heads and buy them health insurance.

So far, though, I've resisted putting, "I'm financially secure and you should be, too."

Instead I've been relying on some tells. Simply saying "self-employed" or "independent consultant" are often tips. If he's a self-employed professional, he's going to say what he does (computer programmer, doctor, lawyer, real estate agent, accountant) rather than just "self-employed".

This isn't foolproof, though.

Look there are different standards for men and women. Men have it a lot tough vs women. A woman’s financial stability(or living at home, driving a beater, etc) is not something the will stop a man from dating or marriage her. Now it will stop most women from even considering a man.

30 year old woman here - I make twice as much as my fiancé but I would consider him financially stable: he has a masters degree and an established career as a federal employee, he is in a student loan repayment plan with his employer, he has no other debt, he has a 401k and a savings account, he doesn’t have anything crazy like a lease on a car he can’t afford, etc. it means stable. Not rich. Just stable.

Anonymous wrote:I am 11.58
FYI I make 350k a year. I found a financially stable man who is a great provider.he is making over 1 mil. He s not multi millionaire/ billionaire. I am not a TroPhy wife. But together we support and complement each other In every aspect.

Yes please do not settled. It s alway good to know what you want and go for it.

Are there enough millionaires to go around for all the women who don’t want to “settle”?