Anonymous
11/23/2019 20:12
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:I'm going back to work in January when my baby will be 4 months old. I will be going back to work part time ( 3 days a week) and then full time at 6 months. MY MIL will be watching him for the first two months, but we will need a nanny or daycare when I go back full time. We like the idea of a nanny but it's expensive. We will have to do everything legally and rates here are $16-20 per hour. The daycare we are looking at is $2k per month and puree/snacks are included in the price. It's also only a mile away from our home. We could put him in daycare 3 days a week - daycare gives option of 2, 3, and 5 days, and my MIL will watch him the other two. MiL will be backup if we use daycare or a nanny. Which one would you choose?
Please allow your four month old to be cared for at home. Assuming MIL is stable, competent and loving, keep her for Th and Fri, and start looking for an excellent nanny for M-W. And pay her a decent rate, closer to $25/hr.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 20:11
Subject: Re:Daycare or Nanny?
Nanny here. Choose a good nanny over daycare. A good nanny will speak, narrate, read, sing and engage your baby. As the baby gets older, a good nanny will find play groups, story times, free concerts and free forest classes to socialize your baby. A good nanny will have art projects and other sensory stimulations available. There is nothing comparable in early childhood education. Daycares cannot compete.
However, a good daycare is better than a bad nanny. A good daycare is better than a nanny who treats the baby like a sack of potatoes - never plays with the baby, never sings or talks to the baby. If you hire a nanny to be a housekeeper and just keep your baby alive, your baby is much better off in daycare.
However, a good daycare is better than a bad nanny. A good daycare is better than a nanny who treats the baby like a sack of potatoes - never plays with the baby, never sings or talks to the baby. If you hire a nanny to be a housekeeper and just keep your baby alive, your baby is much better off in daycare.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 19:48
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We did daycare. More eyes watching.
And more kids to watch. Not sure about your logic.
DP. The logic seems clear to me. A downside of a nanny is it is just one person. At a daycare, there are multiple adults in the room and then even more in a building. Of course, there is more than one kid to watch, but that doesn't negate the benefits of additional eyes to prevent the kind of issues that can arise when only adult is present.
NP here. Yeah, we all want to believe that but it simply isn’t true. Daycare is no guarantee that your baby isn’t going to be treated roughly by a tired, underpaid employee or your baby ignored when hungry because the daycare worker has another baby to feed.
And the kind of issues you’re worried about (nanny hitting or abusing the child) are so very, very rare. All the nannies I know are devoted to their little ones and seem to really love them. And their littles light up around their nannies.
I’m neutral on the nanny vs. daycare debate but your hyperbolic post did make me laugh.
A fair portion of the nannies I see at parks or libraries are on their phones. I don’t blame them but they are hardly glowing with love for their clients.
How do you know the women on their phones are nannies and not mothers or grandmothers? SAHM here and the vast, vast majority of women I see on their phones are other SAHMs.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 19:46
Subject: Re:Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NANNY.
And lots of grandmothers say they’ll babysit for days and days but I have never seen it work out in American culture. The grandmother either disregards everything the mother asks or the grandmother flakes. They forget how hard taking care of a small human is.
A good nanny will engage your baby, socialize him, teach him and, most important of all’ love him.
Huge plus for you is that the nanny will do all child related chores-baby’s laundry, putting away and cleaning baby’s toys, wash baby’s bottles and dishes, make fresh baby food, etc. Daycare sends everything home dirty.
OP here. My MIL is wonderful. We are super close and respects how we choose to raise our child. This is their first grandchild and she wants to spend as much time with him. She is retired and we know we can rely on her.
NP here. That’s exactly what I would have said about my MIL before my DD was born. Just a warning, OP. MIL wasn’t up to the ins and outs of daily care of a baby then active toddler and started resenting us when she had to cancel plans with friends at the last minute to care for DD when she was sick and couldn’t go to preschool.
I truly hope it works out for you. But be prepared for it not to work out.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 19:46
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We did daycare. More eyes watching.
And more kids to watch. Not sure about your logic.
DP. The logic seems clear to me. A downside of a nanny is it is just one person. At a daycare, there are multiple adults in the room and then even more in a building. Of course, there is more than one kid to watch, but that doesn't negate the benefits of additional eyes to prevent the kind of issues that can arise when only adult is present.
NP here. Yeah, we all want to believe that but it simply isn’t true. Daycare is no guarantee that your baby isn’t going to be treated roughly by a tired, underpaid employee or your baby ignored when hungry because the daycare worker has another baby to feed.
And the kind of issues you’re worried about (nanny hitting or abusing the child) are so very, very rare. All the nannies I know are devoted to their little ones and seem to really love them. And their littles light up around their nannies.
I’m neutral on the nanny vs. daycare debate but your hyperbolic post did make me laugh.
A fair portion of the nannies I see at parks or libraries are on their phones. I don’t blame them but they are hardly glowing with love for their clients.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 19:33
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
We have done both (daycare when our first was a baby, and nanny now that our second is a baby). We prefer the nanny by far for our convenience. We don’t have to take the kids anywhere on work days (nanny handles preschool for our older), their laundry is done and she takes the baby to lots of story times and classes. Our out of pocket cost is about $5k a month between the nanny and preschool but it is worth it to us.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 19:29
Subject: Re:Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:NANNY.
And lots of grandmothers say they’ll babysit for days and days but I have never seen it work out in American culture. The grandmother either disregards everything the mother asks or the grandmother flakes. They forget how hard taking care of a small human is.
A good nanny will engage your baby, socialize him, teach him and, most important of all’ love him.
Huge plus for you is that the nanny will do all child related chores-baby’s laundry, putting away and cleaning baby’s toys, wash baby’s bottles and dishes, make fresh baby food, etc. Daycare sends everything home dirty.
OP here. My MIL is wonderful. We are super close and respects how we choose to raise our child. This is their first grandchild and she wants to spend as much time with him. She is retired and we know we can rely on her.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 19:07
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Nanny until 2-3 then daycare. We did that with my oldest and the savings on my time off since she was never sick was worth it. No drop off or pickup and her laundry was done.
+1
It was more expensive for us than daycare, but biggest appreciation, my babies didn't get sick all the time (so tough on their little bodies). we transitioned them to a pre-school at 3yrs.
if possible, organize a nanny share to offset the cost.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 19:03
Subject: Re:Daycare or Nanny?
Having worked in a good daycare and then worked as a nanny, my choice will always be nanny. Yes, an educated nanny is more expensive than daycare but so worth it, IME.
And yes, my son’s eyes do light up when he sees his nanny. And yes, as a nanny I truly loved my charges (and still see them and love them).
And yes, my son’s eyes do light up when he sees his nanny. And yes, as a nanny I truly loved my charges (and still see them and love them).
Anonymous
11/23/2019 18:27
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We did daycare. More eyes watching.
And more kids to watch. Not sure about your logic.
DP. The logic seems clear to me. A downside of a nanny is it is just one person. At a daycare, there are multiple adults in the room and then even more in a building. Of course, there is more than one kid to watch, but that doesn't negate the benefits of additional eyes to prevent the kind of issues that can arise when only adult is present.
NP here. Yeah, we all want to believe that but it simply isn’t true. Daycare is no guarantee that your baby isn’t going to be treated roughly by a tired, underpaid employee or your baby ignored when hungry because the daycare worker has another baby to feed.
And the kind of issues you’re worried about (nanny hitting or abusing the child) are so very, very rare. All the nannies I know are devoted to their little ones and seem to really love them. And their littles light up around their nannies.
There are no guarantees with any of this. Bad things can happen in either settings. But you are comparing a bad daycare to a Mary Poppins-esq nanny. There are definitely bad and mediocre nannies out there. And some of the bad things -- such an lack of attention and general indifference -- are much less dramatic than true abuse, but far more common as you can see by spending time at any park.
Finally, do you really think that kids don't light up in the presence of daycare workers who are good and caring?
Anonymous
11/23/2019 18:27
Subject: Re:Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NANNY.
And lots of grandmothers say they’ll babysit for days and days but I have never seen it work out in American culture. The grandmother either disregards everything the mother asks or the grandmother flakes. They forget how hard taking care of a small human is.
A good nanny will engage your baby, socialize him, teach him and, most important of all’ love him.
Huge plus for you is that the nanny will do all child related chores-baby’s laundry, putting away and cleaning baby’s toys, wash baby’s bottles and dishes, make fresh baby food, etc. Daycare sends everything home dirty.
A nanny is going to love the child? Not likely. I love on this board how people say daycare workers are generally indifferent to their charges, but that a nanny will love the children. Because they may be paid a bit better? Love can't be bought, especially on a nanny's salary.
A good nanny will genuinely care for a child (and the other things you mentioned) -- but that is no different than what happens at a good daycare. You don't think there is socialization and teaching there as well?
A good nanny will socialize the child as well as give lots of individual attention.
And yes, all the nannies I know honestly love their charges - and not because of a much higher hourly wage - but because the nanny is with the baby alone for eight to ten hours a day and he is her sole focus. Nannies care for their charges when healthy and when sick. And a nanny is in the baby’s home which is very different than both showing up at a daycare.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 18:20
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We did daycare. More eyes watching.
And more kids to watch. Not sure about your logic.
DP. The logic seems clear to me. A downside of a nanny is it is just one person. At a daycare, there are multiple adults in the room and then even more in a building. Of course, there is more than one kid to watch, but that doesn't negate the benefits of additional eyes to prevent the kind of issues that can arise when only adult is present.
NP here. Yeah, we all want to believe that but it simply isn’t true. Daycare is no guarantee that your baby isn’t going to be treated roughly by a tired, underpaid employee or your baby ignored when hungry because the daycare worker has another baby to feed.
And the kind of issues you’re worried about (nanny hitting or abusing the child) are so very, very rare. All the nannies I know are devoted to their little ones and seem to really love them. And their littles light up around their nannies.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 18:18
Subject: Re:Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:NANNY.
And lots of grandmothers say they’ll babysit for days and days but I have never seen it work out in American culture. The grandmother either disregards everything the mother asks or the grandmother flakes. They forget how hard taking care of a small human is.
A good nanny will engage your baby, socialize him, teach him and, most important of all’ love him.
Huge plus for you is that the nanny will do all child related chores-baby’s laundry, putting away and cleaning baby’s toys, wash baby’s bottles and dishes, make fresh baby food, etc. Daycare sends everything home dirty.
A nanny is going to love the child? Not likely. I love on this board how people say daycare workers are generally indifferent to their charges, but that a nanny will love the children. Because they may be paid a bit better? Love can't be bought, especially on a nanny's salary.
A good nanny will genuinely care for a child (and the other things you mentioned) -- but that is no different than what happens at a good daycare. You don't think there is socialization and teaching there as well?
Anonymous
11/23/2019 18:15
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We did daycare. More eyes watching.
And more kids to watch. Not sure about your logic.
Way more kids to watch and the squeaky wheel gets the attention - so if your baby is generally easy going, he gets ignored. I worked in a well respected daycare in college.
I’ll take just two loving eyes on my child all day long instead.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 18:14
Subject: Daycare or Nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We did daycare. More eyes watching.
And more kids to watch. Not sure about your logic.
DP. The logic seems clear to me. A downside of a nanny is it is just one person. At a daycare, there are multiple adults in the room and then even more in a building. Of course, there is more than one kid to watch, but that doesn't negate the benefits of additional eyes to prevent the kind of issues that can arise when only adult is present.