Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:42
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
No, I do not find this true at all. My dh is very involved with caring for his mother as well as my brother.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:42
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
I’m a woman. Every year I feel a little more distance towards my parents and I try to connect more with my ILs.
I think many parents take daughters for granted and think they can dump on them their whole lives and they will just take it. Statistically, I guess we do. But every year I seek more distance - I think when we get to the point where I never see them, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief.
I think many parents take daughters for granted and think they can dump on them their whole lives and they will just take it. Statistically, I guess we do. But every year I seek more distance - I think when we get to the point where I never see them, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:41
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?
In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.
Yes. Traditionally in India women were so happy to have a son, because the sons were thought to always be part of the family, get inheritance and give elderly parents financial support. Daughters on the other hand are viewed as a liability and will be married off to join their husbands family. This is what my Indian Mil told me. Except what I see in the Indian American community is that the sons hardly ever even call their moms and the daughters don’t give their inlaws the time of day! They look out for their own parents. Go figure.
Maybe in the past not anymore. Even then, daughters end up being the main caretakers for the most part.
Yep, my Mil said that daughters are the main caretakers of their inlaws.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:37
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
If anything, I help my husband be closer to his family and love them very much. So not in my experience assuming all parties involved aren't crazy.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:36
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your DD a daughter for life in a way that your DS is not? That's the part to focus on.
Because when son marries his wife is #1 priority and he forgets about his mom. If mom and dil do not get along then mom will be toast.
I pity you if you married a man like that.
Some of us married fully-formed, grown-ass men who know how to balance. He stays connected with his family, which requires some time and effort and care and planning. He stays connected with me and with our kids, which requires time, effort, care and planning. He also makes gestures to connect with my family. This is how adults go through life with family and friends.
It's always the wives of useless men who defend traditional gender roles so staunchly.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:35
Subject: Re:Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:32
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?
In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.
Yes. Traditionally in India women were so happy to have a son, because the sons were thought to always be part of the family, get inheritance and give elderly parents financial support. Daughters on the other hand are viewed as a liability and will be married off to join their husbands family. This is what my Indian Mil told me. Except what I see in the Indian American community is that the sons hardly ever even call their moms and the daughters don’t give their inlaws the time of day! They look out for their own parents. Go figure.
Maybe in the past not anymore. Even then, daughters end up being the main caretakers for the most part.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:29
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How is your DD a daughter for life in a way that your DS is not? That's the part to focus on.
Because when son marries his wife is #1 priority and he forgets about his mom. If mom and dil do not get along then mom will be toast.
I pity you if you married a man like that.
Some of us married fully-formed, grown-ass men who know how to balance. He stays connected with his family, which requires some time and effort and care and planning. He stays connected with me and with our kids, which requires time, effort, care and planning. He also makes gestures to connect with my family. This is how adults go through life with family and friends.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 11:27
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you find this statement to be true ?
In some cultures, the sentiment is the exact opposite.
Yes. Traditionally in India women were so happy to have a son, because the sons were thought to always be part of the family, get inheritance and give elderly parents financial support. Daughters on the other hand are viewed as a liability and will be married off to join their husbands family. This is what my Indian Mil told me. Except what I see in the Indian American community is that the sons hardly ever even call their moms and the daughters don’t give their inlaws the time of day! They look out for their own parents. Go figure.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 10:34
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:How is your DD a daughter for life in a way that your DS is not? That's the part to focus on.
Because when son marries his wife is #1 priority and he forgets about his mom. If mom and dil do not get along then mom will be toast.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 09:31
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
How is your DD a daughter for life in a way that your DS is not? That's the part to focus on.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 09:28
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:Very true. Even to the extent that my MIL doesn’t help us but says she’ll help her daughter.
Why do you EXPECT help? You are not her daughter. Whether she helps her daughter or not is none of your business.
Be an adult and take care of your own life.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 09:11
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Very true. Even to the extent that my MIL doesn’t help us but says she’ll help her daughter.
Anonymous
11/23/2019 08:56
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Anonymous wrote:At the end of the day, it's up to your son/brother/husband how he chooses to treat and interact with his own family.
That said, if you treat your DILs like peers rather than either enemies or "MY OWN DAUGHTER" (when they don't want that kind of relationship), they will be more likely to nudge husbands toward family closeness.
Yep! As simple as this
Anonymous
11/23/2019 08:55
Subject: Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage
Yrs. absolutely true. Mil’s cannot compete with dil.