Anonymous wrote:I frequently work with kids who’ve had a nanny or au pair who didn’t work out. When kids ask me when I’m leaving too or how long I’ll be there, I tell them I’ll be there as long as they need me. I always explain that parents will always be there, siblings will always be there, because family is the rock on which we build our lives. Nannies, teachers and friends are in our lives for a while. We may love them them, and they may love us. I live with my nanny kids, and I explain that I love them like my own, but they have parents.

How does that help OP’s child now? You think OP or the nanny should tell her that the love she feels for her nanny is stupid because nannies never stay?! Look, the kids do not realize the difference from age zero to 2.5/3 or even older.

And there is no guarantee that parents will always be there. Lecturing about permanent vs temporary relationships to a child is damaging and, frankly, cruel.

I frequently work with kids who’ve had a nanny or au pair who didn’t work out. When kids ask me when I’m leaving too or how long I’ll be there, I tell them I’ll be there as long as they need me. I always explain that parents will always be there, siblings will always be there, because family is the rock on which we build our lives. Nannies, teachers and friends are in our lives for a while. We may love them them, and they may love us. I live with my nanny kids, and I explain that I love them like my own, but they have parents.

Anonymous wrote:You treat it as fact. Don't dwell on it. If she wants to talk about it and is sad then acknowledge but don't focus on it. Our nanny left when dd was 2.5 and it was a little transition to full day preschool /daycare. Dd was sad for a little and asked about the nanny for a week. Then got into school and new routine. Every once in a while a year later she'll still ask if the nanny can come visit. I say she can't as she's far away in her new house. And then we read a book or snuggle with a toy the nanny gave my kid.

I can’t agree with that. You should bring up the nanny and talk about your feeling in missing her. Waiting for your very young child to mention her is telling your child that you don’t care about her former nanny so the child can easily surmise that her feelings are wrong.

My mother had a huge fight with my nanny when I was exactly three and the nanny “disappeared” from my life (later found out that my mother wouldn’t let her visit and never gave me the cards she sent). I learned very early on that I wasn’t supposed to ever mention Nanny. I really do think this hurt me in the long run (I won’t go into details but therapist agrees). Granted, my story is not at all what you are describing but I would still encourage you to bring up the nanny without DD prompting.

You treat it as fact. Don't dwell on it. If she wants to talk about it and is sad then acknowledge but don't focus on it. Our nanny left when dd was 2.5 and it was a little transition to full day preschool /daycare. Dd was sad for a little and asked about the nanny for a week. Then got into school and new routine. Every once in a while a year later she'll still ask if the nanny can come visit. I say she can't as she's far away in her new house. And then we read a book or snuggle with a toy the nanny gave my kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just be honest and say she is moving. She spent time with your child but now that she is a big girl, Nanny has to help other kids because it is their turn. Mommies are always the same mommies but Nannies take very good care of children and then go to help other children. That’s what I would say.

Honestly, I would find this part obnoxious.

Yeah, me too. It’s like saying to you child, “You’re nothing special and nannies don’t really love you”.

Just tell your child that nanny has to move away and still loves you so much. Talk about when nanny is gone and how you and she are going to make pictures to send her and FaceTime her.

What? No. PP is obviously thinking kid will be worried that if nanny can leave, parent can leave. That's a TOTALLY normal thing for kid to worry about at that age. Explaining that parents are different than nannies makes sense and isn't obnoxious or saying the kid is nothing special.

I think you’re wrong. NP here and your child knows the difference between a parent and a nanny. They won’t extrapolate that mommy will leave too. But the child may doubt her reality (loving her nanny and nanny loving her) if you tell her that nanny is moving on to another family.

I will handle our beloved nanny moving on slowly like OP did and then always speaking of her fondly. I will let her stay in my kids’ lives as long as she wants and in any way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just be honest and say she is moving. She spent time with your child but now that she is a big girl, Nanny has to help other kids because it is their turn. Mommies are always the same mommies but Nannies take very good care of children and then go to help other children. That’s what I would say.

Honestly, I would find this part obnoxious.

Why? It worked for Nanny Poppins and it's also true. Stop lying to your children.

You know Mary Poppins wasn’t a real person, right?


OP, you handle it respectfully and lovingly. I like the suggestion that you start making fun plans for things you’re going to do for nanny when she moves - send cookies, drawings, etc and FaceTime is great. My son is six and still sees his nanny regularly but loves FaceTiming her. His nanny also made a point of making his “new life” sound wonderful. He’s been so blessed by her presence.