OP here- for daily dressing - she wears mostly sweats, hoodies- for short sleeves she (this year) prefers collared shirts (her brother's). When it comes to dressing up - she doesn't want to wear a neutral shirt, she will insist on her brother's shirts and ties. She really resisted a few dressy events but since it was a chorus event- she had not choice. She's supposed to be going to the Mayflower for a tea birthday and wants to wear a bowtie and suspenders. At first we were supportive and like other PPs stated, we thought it was hiding her figure since she's maturing. Now it's wearing her brothers suits and ties for "formal dress" day at school. My finding the DM from her very weird friend saying she is gay and DS saying something that alluded to her being too (but it was phrased differently). I am upset about both frankly. The dressing (though it only shows up for dressy events so not so often) and the DM we read. She must be in that experimenting stage but has showed NO interest in girls. I read her DMs and everything and we are close where she chats away with me daily (though can turn her surly teen self at times). I think this is coming from her not fitting in as a visco girl- not really into dating at this age as she is seeing it (she is a very late bloomer) - trying to just be different to deflect from all of this. For what I can see, she had only told weird friend this- no one else.

OP, you only know what she chooses to tell you. She may have had some interest in girls before and not mentioned it to you. Maybe she didn't realize that it was more than platonic feelings, maybe she feels some shame, maybe she is worried about how you would react. Maybe she just wants to seem cool to her weird friend, or maybe she's lying so that her weird friend doesn't feel alone.

Why does it matter?

Let her wear the clothes she wants to wear. Let her pursue the people she is interested in. Let her be friends with other children without you giving them rude monikers.

Anonymous wrote:I’d give her some space to experiment and figure out what is true for herself. I’d be less concerned about conversations with friends, and watch more closely her internet use and see that she doesn’t stumble into odd places where she ends up talking to people she doesn’t know in real life.

Thank you (OP)

Anonymous wrote:Are you stressed that she wants to dress in male clothing or because you think she’s gay?

I dressed like a boy all throughout middle school and most of high school. My parents flipped out because they thought I was gay. I wasn’t, it just fit my personality and I also didn’t want to be judged on my hotness/femininity.

Also what’s this whole visco girl thing? I looked it up and it looks exactly like what we wore as kids in the 90s- tie dye, cowrie shells, tiny backpacks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSLaOJsTeIA

I’d give her some space to experiment and figure out what is true for herself. I’d be less concerned about conversations with friends, and watch more closely her internet use and see that she doesn’t stumble into odd places where she ends up talking to people she doesn’t know in real life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- our DD who now is in 8th grade- started dibbling in dressing as a boy like ties and suit for "formal" starting mostly 8th grade. We read some of her Dms and some friends reference being gay or so. DD is not gay- she has had boy crushes (selectively) never any girl romantic interest, - she is "unique" not an outsider, super super smart/gifted- but not a Visco girl which seems to be a big thing in MS. She was the first to dress up for SOOO many occasions since she was very young before this that she made me go back and wear a skirt etc. One of her friends texted her about coming out and how her parents said she was too young and we saw her response as being my parents must know too. I guess I am really trying to maintain my cool but I am not internally.

Serious question: So why do you allow this? For the record, I would not.

DP. What do you mean by 'this'? In the OP, I don't see anything to object to.

PP again. OK, for those of you who need it spelled out for you, I will be more clear:

Serious question: OP, why do you allow your DD in MS to dress as a boy (formal as well)? For the record, I would not.

Does that help you any?

Same homophobe that always comes out in this threads. Go away

How in the world does a mom helping her daughter navigate through a confusion in her life translate in your small world as “homophobia?”

OP here- for daily dressing - she wears mostly sweats, hoodies- for short sleeves she (this year) prefers collared shirts (her brother's). When it comes to dressing up - she doesn't want to wear a neutral shirt, she will insist on her brother's shirts and ties. She really resisted a few dressy events but since it was a chorus event- she had not choice. She's supposed to be going to the Mayflower for a tea birthday and wants to wear a bowtie and suspenders. At first we were supportive and like other PPs stated, we thought it was hiding her figure since she's maturing. Now it's wearing her brothers suits and ties for "formal dress" day at school. My finding the DM from her very weird friend saying she is gay and DS saying something that alluded to her being too (but it was phrased differently). I am upset about both frankly. The dressing (though it only shows up for dressy events so not so often) and the DM we read. She must be in that experimenting stage but has showed NO interest in girls. I read her DMs and everything and we are close where she chats away with me daily (though can turn her surly teen self at times). I think this is coming from her not fitting in as a visco girl- not really into dating at this age as she is seeing it (she is a very late bloomer) - trying to just be different to deflect from all of this. For what I can see, she had only told weird friend this- no one else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- our DD who now is in 8th grade- started dibbling in dressing as a boy like ties and suit for "formal" starting mostly 8th grade. We read some of her Dms and some friends reference being gay or so. DD is not gay- she has had boy crushes (selectively) never any girl romantic interest, - she is "unique" not an outsider, super super smart/gifted- but not a Visco girl which seems to be a big thing in MS. She was the first to dress up for SOOO many occasions since she was very young before this that she made me go back and wear a skirt etc. One of her friends texted her about coming out and how her parents said she was too young and we saw her response as being my parents must know too. I guess I am really trying to maintain my cool but I am not internally.

Serious question: So why do you allow this? For the record, I would not.

DP. What do you mean by 'this'? In the OP, I don't see anything to object to.

PP again. OK, for those of you who need it spelled out for you, I will be more clear:

Serious question: OP, why do you allow your DD in MS to dress as a boy (formal as well)? For the record, I would not.

Does that help you any?

Wow. I dressed like a boy for a good 10 years. Not because I wanted to be a boy but because honestly I liked the colors boys clothes came in. So in your world all girls look and dress the same in all boys look and dress the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- our DD who now is in 8th grade- started dibbling in dressing as a boy like ties and suit for "formal" starting mostly 8th grade. We read some of her Dms and some friends reference being gay or so. DD is not gay- she has had boy crushes (selectively) never any girl romantic interest, - she is "unique" not an outsider, super super smart/gifted- but not a Visco girl which seems to be a big thing in MS. She was the first to dress up for SOOO many occasions since she was very young before this that she made me go back and wear a skirt etc. One of her friends texted her about coming out and how her parents said she was too young and we saw her response as being my parents must know too. I guess I am really trying to maintain my cool but I am not internally.

Serious question: So why do you allow this? For the record, I would not.

DP. What do you mean by 'this'? In the OP, I don't see anything to object to.

PP again. OK, for those of you who need it spelled out for you, I will be more clear:

Serious question: OP, why do you allow your DD in MS to dress as a boy (formal as well)? For the record, I would not.

Does that help you any?

Same homophobe that always comes out in this threads. Go away

Eh,it's fine. Maybe she's gay, maybe she's not, maybe dressing more boy like will keep they guys away who assume she is gay. She's trying things out, it's all ok.

I'm as straight as they come, but I dress "manly" for my public service job so the male creepers stay away. The lesbians who hit on me are very respectful when I tell them I am not interested, unlike most men.

Anonymous wrote:My mother couldn't wear pants to work when she started her career.

I thought we had moved past all that crap for the most part, barring the religious extremists like the Duggars.

There is nothing wrong with a girl wearing dressy pants for a formal occasion.

I hope that parent would not actually be so controlling in real life.

Purposely trying to dress like a boy =/= "wearing dressy pants."

I was also confused by your declaration that she's not gay but then the DM message suggesting she is. Do you think she is? It doesn't really matter but your post is unclear.

Your post is really confusing. Sounds like she’s gay but hasn’t come out to you yet.

My mother couldn't wear pants to work when she started her career.

I thought we had moved past all that crap for the most part, barring the religious extremists like the Duggars.

There is nothing wrong with a girl wearing dressy pants for a formal occasion.

I hope that parent would not actually be so controlling in real life.

What do you think is inappropriate? Girls wearing pants? girls wearing button-up shirts? girls wearing ties?

I'm in favor of middle schoolers wearing weather-appropriate clothing that allows them to move comfortably and not reveal their undergarments or parts typically covered by a bathing suit. Beyond that, who cares?

Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with having kids wear what they are comfortable in, so long as it is appropriate?

Not everyone agrees that this is "appropriate."