We do it every year. It works best for us. I am about to encounter the reverse though. I know I am hosting next year and I would prefer my sister (who stays at my parents house while we are at a hotel) stay at a hotel!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"we don't want to put you to so much trouble, hosting dinner, hosting all the guests, etc". We are staying at a hotel to take a bit off your plate.

DON’T say this. It’s so annoying when someone tries to justify what they want to do by making it seem like they are really just thinking of you. Own your choice — don’t put it in someone else.

+1. You're doing it for yourself and she knows that. No problem with taking care of yourself. You're doing the traveling so it's your choice. If she gets upset, she'll get over it. She's got enough on her plate to worry about it.

+2 pp approach is rude and a lie. Great way to strengthen a relationship

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"we don't want to put you to so much trouble, hosting dinner, hosting all the guests, etc". We are staying at a hotel to take a bit off your plate.

DON’T say this. It’s so annoying when someone tries to justify what they want to do by making it seem like they are really just thinking of you. Own your choice — don’t put it in someone else.

+100. Don’t do passive aggressive BS. Just own your choice.

Just say it without over explaining. If anyone seems miffed at first, they’ll quickly get over it during Thanksgiving weekend when they’re not waiting for you to get out of the shower or unable to sit on the couch because that’s where you’re sleeping. You’ll have a lovely time visiting with everyone during the day.

Your husband sounds like a saint to deal with a situation like that and still attend with you.

I would rather deal with a grumpy sister than a grumpy husband who simply asked for a hotel.

Imagine if the tables were turned and you had to deal with all of your husbands family’s etc. A peaceful night in a hotel would do you wonders.

No need to explain, just say we have already booked the hotel. We will see you at 9am. Can’t wait!

Good luck!

Just call her and say how much you are looking forward to seeing everyone and new baby. Tell her you have already booked a hotel. It works best for you and you will be at her house all day etc. If there are kids and hotel has a pool, have kids over for a swim. It will also give her a quiet time with everyone out of house for a few hours. If she disagrees, just say you think it is best for your family and it will give everyone a little more room at her house. Do not even listen to your Mother. You are an adult with your own family, you make your own decisions. You could be starting a trend for future holidays. Go for it.

Anonymous wrote:Make it sound like you and your DH want some “alone time” or “romantic time.”

Probably a gross uncle who locks it down for 30 minutes then stinks up the entire house.

You do realize that people don't have total control over their bowel functions right? Your uncle may be gross but it not because of his bowel function.

Anonymous wrote:What’s the bathroom situation?

Probably a gross uncle who locks it down for 30 minutes then stinks up the entire house. I'd do a hotel too.

Anonymous wrote:"we don't want to put you to so much trouble, hosting dinner, hosting all the guests, etc". We are staying at a hotel to take a bit off your plate.

No. You're actually eliminating 2 more adults that could've looked after the baby while she hosted dinner. Just own your decision. DW and I always stay in a hotel regardless of how many rooms they have. It's just more convenient to have your own bathroom, unlimited water, and no restrictions during holiday travel (which already sucks). Being in a house with a baby can be very restricting given bedtimes, noise levels, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"we don't want to put you to so much trouble, hosting dinner, hosting all the guests, etc". We are staying at a hotel to take a bit off your plate.

DON’T say this. It’s so annoying when someone tries to justify what they want to do by making it seem like they are really just thinking of you. Own your choice — don’t put it in someone else.

+1. You're doing it for yourself and she knows that. No problem with taking care of yourself. You're doing the traveling so it's your choice. If she gets upset, she'll get over it. She's got enough on her plate to worry about it.

Anonymous wrote:"we don't want to put you to so much trouble, hosting dinner, hosting all the guests, etc". We are staying at a hotel to take a bit off your plate.

DON’T say this. It’s so annoying when someone tries to justify what they want to do by making it seem like they are really just thinking of you. Own your choice — don’t put it in someone else.

Anonymous wrote:Anybody who gets pissed about this is a control freak. Grown ups don't have to do this type of stuff.

Exactly...and grown ups don't worry about how to tell someone they are staying in a hotel. They just say they're staying in a hotel and that's that. The hosts were probably hoping to get some extra babysitting...maybe they were thinking about escaping to a hotel too.

Anonymous wrote:Anybody who gets pissed about this is a control freak. Grown ups don't have to do this type of stuff.

No need to be rude. Lots of people's families get upset about stuff like this. It sounds like she loves her sister and just wants some advice.

OP, it's always hardest the first time you do things differently. Go with the simple "it's just what works best for us" and hopefully y'all can move on and have fun like always.

Anybody who gets pissed about this is a control freak. Grown ups don't have to do this type of stuff.