Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

Because it's really weird! I'm curious about how these people justify such weird behavior to themselves. You know you are making things worse when you reach out to the other parents right?

The type of people who are raising mean girls and bullies are most likely not going to be responsive to your concerns.

Except sometimes kids are treated poorly by kids who are just kids, not sociopaths. When my son started MS he made friends easily. His buddy starting the same school did not, and in fact turned a lot of kids off with his behavior. It all kept escalating until there was unkindness on both sides. It did not help at first when his parents stepped in and started accusing everyone else of bullying, but it did slowly open the door to some honest conversations between adults and between kids and adults that were helpful. The adults did a little social engineering (like a small group was strongly encouraged to hang out with this kid, go to his birthday, etc., my son was encouraged to give him space) and I think the boy saw a counselor a few times though Im not sure. By the start of the next year a lot of the social conflict has was gone and friendships were formed.

I don’t think without adult involvement the toxic pattern would have ended so positively. The kid needed help to change his behavior and the “friend group” needed help to be a little more inclusive and understanding. All the grown ups involved had compassion about the situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

You sound like a sociopath seriously get some help. No sane person thinks like this. I am sure your kid is similar.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

Because it's really weird! I'm curious about how these people justify such weird behavior to themselves. You know you are making things worse when you reach out to the other parents right?

The type of people who are raising mean girls and bullies are most likely not going to be responsive to your concerns.

Except sometimes kids are treated poorly by kids who are just kids, not sociopaths. When my son started MS he made friends easily. His buddy starting the same school did not, and in fact turned a lot of kids off with his behavior. It all kept escalating until there was unkindness on both sides. It did not help at first when his parents stepped in and started accusing everyone else of bullying, but it did slowly open the door to some honest conversations between adults and between kids and adults that were helpful. The adults did a little social engineering (like a small group was strongly encouraged to hang out with this kid, go to his birthday, etc., my son was encouraged to give him space) and I think the boy saw a counselor a few times though Im not sure. By the start of the next year a lot of the social conflict has was gone and friendships were formed.

I don’t think without adult involvement the toxic pattern would have ended so positively. The kid needed help to change his behavior and the “friend group” needed help to be a little more inclusive and understanding. All the grown ups involved had compassion about the situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

You sound like a sociopath seriously get some help. No sane person thinks like this. I am sure your kid is similar.

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

Anonymous wrote:What bothers me about it is when they blame the other parents for being "mean girls" and social climbers and so on when the truth is probably that their kids don't like yours. Simple. What am I am I supposed to do about that as the other parent?

And no I'm not going to invite 20+ kids to my kids' bday parties now that we're out of the class party stage. We take our kids out to do fun and expensive things on their bdays like going to an amusement park or a ropes course or something. I'm not going to pay for 20 + kids to do that nor could my husband and I appropriately chaperone that many kids.

when it comes to kids just hanging out on the weekend, I'm not going to invite over 10 kids to our house either. To be frank, I don't want that many people over here! I don't really want the few that he's allowed to invite, let alone 10 more.

Other parents' expectations about this are so crazy and entitled in my opinion. Look if you want to have 20 + kids over at your house, god bless. But I'm not doing it and I don't think I should have to either just so your kid doesn't feel left out. Learn to deal.

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never noticed or cared until my kid’s social life until she was taking to the ER by police car after a suicide hotline call.
What I can’t understand is people who judge other parents when we are all just trying to get through this life the best we can. Raising kids and teens especially is really, really hard. it’s so hard to know what’s going on with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care? If you don’t want to read it, then don’t read it.
I’ve asked questions on here. It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed about it. I like to see others point of view on situations.

Because it's really weird! I'm curious about how these people justify such weird behavior to themselves. You know you are making things worse when you reach out to the other parents right?

The type of people who are raising mean girls and bullies are most likely not going to be responsive to your concerns.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up our parents did not care who you liked or did not like, you invited everybody and you did not leave somebody out. You got over it and learned to be a gracious host.

You can't invite everyone. I'm sure you are exaggerating and left people out. Or were you inviting over 200 people to your parties?

There were not 200 girls in my class, there were 30 kids so 15 girls.

In high school, sure there were groups but everybody had a group. If there was a girls without a "group" somebody brought her into the fold. Nobody had nowhere to go on Halloween or on the weekends.

I went to a school with 100 girls per grade though.

Ha! Just because you didn’t see the kids who we’re left out doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. The small high schools are the worst in that sense.

Anonymous wrote:All the parents stressing about their kids' social lives, agonizing about why they haven't been invited to this or that, writing tirades against the other parents for being "mean girls" and "social climbers" and assuming they are deliberately leaving your special snowflake out for Machiavellian reasons etc. etc. It utterly amazes me.

Have you ever thought that maybe the other kids just don't like your kid all that much and it's that simple? If you're on the periphery of a social group as it is, it's going to be "out of sight, out of mind" when you're not there. The simplest, kindest explanation is that the other kids are just not thinking to invite yours and you have to accept that.

Do you not remember what it's like to be this age? Friendships and their intensity change quickly at this age. I remember going through it myself and it would have been 1000% worse if I knew my mom was ruminating about it in her spare time instead of being benignly ignorant, as most tweens and teens hope for their parents to be about their social lives.

I know the parents writing these posts are going to say "well my kid doesn't know I am so stressed and worried about this" but I guarantee, if you are writing screeds about it on an anonymous message board, the emotion is apparent in your every day actions as well.

Anonymous wrote:Well, I never noticed or cared until my kid’s social life until she was taking to the ER by police car after a suicide hotline call.
What I can’t understand is people who judge other parents when we are all just trying to get through this life the best we can. Raising kids and teens especially is really, really hard. it’s so hard to know what’s going on with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up our parents did not care who you liked or did not like, you invited everybody and you did not leave somebody out. You got over it and learned to be a gracious host.

You can't invite everyone. I'm sure you are exaggerating and left people out. Or were you inviting over 200 people to your parties?

There were not 200 girls in my class, there were 30 kids so 15 girls.

In high school, sure there were groups but everybody had a group. If there was a girls without a "group" somebody brought her into the fold. Nobody had nowhere to go on Halloween or on the weekends.

I went to a school with 100 girls per grade though.