Anonymous wrote:This has been going on for awhile. We fear he’s now using daily possibly at school. Friends use too but I have a feeling he’s the only one that uses a lot. We find stuff, discuss, administer consequences and repeat. He sees a therapist. He’s on medication for anxiety and depression. He’s on adhd medicine. We have been ion top of and addressed /supported him with learning differences. We are loving, present, supportive parents. We’ve been told by therapist that treatment doesn’t work for marijuana. 90 plus percent return to it.

I know some will say he needs new friends. Not sure how you can really force that at 16. We could switch schools but he’d still see friends likely or make similar friends is my guess. Same with boarding school where there typically are even more drugs. We pay for private school , so taking that away is on the table I guess, especially as grades not great, effort low. We can restrict /ban car, but pretty hard to ground a kid all the time.

I am interested in advice from parents who have dealt with similar. Not parents who think they know what to do because believe me until you are living this you really don’t get it. Thanks.

it sounds like you are making excuses for him. Ban the car, be the parent. Change his school. or watch him get lost in the hell of drugs and you loose your son. BE THE PARENT! Who cares if he hates you know. He will thank you later.

I don't have kids that have done this but I have horrible vivid memories of my now dead sister. She started off as a pot head, it was so hectic in my house hold. I hated being there. Always my parents trying to help her. But the one thing they did not have was tough love. They enabled her, allowed her to basically run the show. Now she is dead, eventual overdose and my child hood memories suck. Kick him out. lock him out, or up, take aways any means he has to purchase drugs. Move to another school district, you have to change his situation because he is in school 6-8 hours a day with the people he smokes pot with now. Peer pressure is very hard, even if he wanted to stop. If he gets a fresh start??? military academy is where my kids will go if this ever happens. They know.

Pp 14:19 here,

To clarify the point about learning a LOT more about cannabis, he needs information to make better decisions about what he puts in his body. I don’t know your kid, but what I’ve found personally is that having good information can keep him from truly ingesting something ridiculously terrible...while he’s in the lifestyle, good information is golden. He’s a year away from adulthood, better to get the info now than never at all.

14:19 PP, here.

GEDs are fine. Especially in the internet age where entrepreneurship, trust funds, and applied knowledge is king.

If he’s a bright kid, hs diploma, bachelors... they are attainable down line... not a priority if he’s on a destructive self-medication pathway.

Let him get a GED, takes a few weeks. Let him get emancipated. Suggest a few great midline rehabs that work and offer to pay for them if he’s willing to go.

West Virginia

https://www.jacobsladderbrookside.com/faqs.html

Tennessee

https://www.recoveryranch.com/the-ranch-locations/the-ranch-tennessee


You asked for advice from someone who had been there and done that. I’m one on those people.

Some of these posters are clueless to addiction and recovery, and I can tell they’ve never truly been there with a kid Post 2015.

Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that a therapist will coach him out of drug use while still maintaining his same routine. That crap does NOT work.

To the parent in similar situation did you consider treatment?

Anonymous wrote:This has been going on for awhile. We fear he’s now using daily possibly at school. Friends use too but I have a feeling he’s the only one that uses a lot. We find stuff, discuss, administer consequences and repeat. He sees a therapist. He’s on medication for anxiety and depression. He’s on adhd medicine. We have been ion top of and addressed /supported him with learning differences. We are loving, present, supportive parents. We’ve been told by therapist that treatment doesn’t work for marijuana. 90 plus percent return to it.

I know some will say he needs new friends. Not sure how you can really force that at 16. We could switch schools but he’d still see friends likely or make similar friends is my guess. Same with boarding school where there typically are even more drugs. We pay for private school , so taking that away is on the table I guess, especially as grades not great, effort low. We can restrict /ban car, but pretty hard to ground a kid all the time.

I am interested in advice from parents who have dealt with similar. Not parents who think they know what to do because believe me until you are living this you really don’t get it. Thanks.

I'm so sorry this is happening.

His current school does not sound like it is working for him. There are some amazing boarding schools out there. Not all of them make kids worse. On the other hand if he is getting at least C's & B's then graduating is top priority. Or his local school might be better.

I would not take his friends away. He will find them himself. Changing his school might make it harder to see them daily. Yes, he might seek out same type of kids or he might branch out to some other activities.

Car is a definite no as cars are a privilege, not a right. I wouldn't ground him just no car.

Of course no smoking at your house, house rules are for respect.

Does he have a part time job?

Because where is he getting the money to buy his stuff?

Sit him down ask what his long term plans are? College away from home. If so take him on some college tours. Yes, it's early but you are looking for a long term good goal. If not college is he planning on working if so where? Or Community college with a job again part time job important?.....

It's important to look forward and hopefully no progression to harder drugs.

No you are not a bad parent, this can happen with any one of our kids. IF anyone thinks otherwise think again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey mom , a lot of these suggestions sound like a bad after school special , truly. The consequences mentioned will not work if he has underlying social emotional issues.

Since he’s 16-17, I’d try a slightly different approach.

First , I’d pull him out of the current private school. Seems like they are truly on an ignore-wait-and-see plan. Doesn’t work for bright kids like your son who seem pretty bored with the curriculum ,etc.

Second, I’d make him learn a lot more about cannabis and growing things in general. I mean ALOT more. From cultivation to dispensaries, I’d have him start working with agricultural orgs, farms, whatever I could get my hands on.

Doesn’t like school? Let him get his GED. Let him really get out here and experience the world. Schools will always be there and ready to take your money. Better spent in the bank or shipping him off to an ag rehab somewhere out west for a month or two.

He sounds like a cool kid who’s having a tough time finding his place, embrace his journey and you may find that he finds that revolutionary.

I won't opine on the rest, but this is terrible advice. You want him to have a HS diploma, if at all possible.

Disagree. I have the kid in group therapy. Yes, he got his diploma, barely, but the diploma wouldprobably have meant more to him if he had gone to a work-study program where he actually earned it and felt proud of the accomplishment. At age 18 there's nothing legally you can do, so start a new approach before then.

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I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

If I find stuff, I throw it away. It is not allowed in my house. I don't have consequences for anything else except that so long as he's using, he can't drive.

Ok so you let him go out with friends etc and you know he’s using you’re just trying to protect home use is that right? No judgement I understand just asking

No, I never said that. I do not allow him to drive. There are times that he will take the buses to get places, but not typically. I know the people he uses with and I can control that outside of school. But, there is not a thing I can do while he's at school.

Ok how old? Do you allow him to go out? If so don’t you think he meets up with friends and uses? All my kid’s friends have cars.

17. Yep, I let him go out. Again, it's not like I could stop it if he decided to go and I said no. But, I talk with the parents of the kids who he uses with and I have made it clear that I will notify them if he has permission to go to their houses. They respect that. He does not meet up with them elsewhere because none of them are good at the bus system. None of my kid's friends have cars. All but one are old enough to drive.

Do these parents know their kids use?

Yes.

Anonymous wrote:Hey mom , a lot of these suggestions sound like a bad after school special , truly. The consequences mentioned will not work if he has underlying social emotional issues.

Since he’s 16-17, I’d try a slightly different approach.

First , I’d pull him out of the current private school. Seems like they are truly on an ignore-wait-and-see plan. Doesn’t work for bright kids like your son who seem pretty bored with the curriculum ,etc.

Second, I’d make him learn a lot more about cannabis and growing things in general. I mean ALOT more. From cultivation to dispensaries, I’d have him start working with agricultural orgs, farms, whatever I could get my hands on.

Doesn’t like school? Let him get his GED. Let him really get out here and experience the world. Schools will always be there and ready to take your money. Better spent in the bank or shipping him off to an ag rehab somewhere out west for a month or two.

He sounds like a cool kid who’s having a tough time finding his place, embrace his journey and you may find that he finds that revolutionary.

I won't opine on the rest, but this is terrible advice. You want him to have a HS diploma, if at all possible.

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I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

If I find stuff, I throw it away. It is not allowed in my house. I don't have consequences for anything else except that so long as he's using, he can't drive.

Ok so you let him go out with friends etc and you know he’s using you’re just trying to protect home use is that right? No judgement I understand just asking

No, I never said that. I do not allow him to drive. There are times that he will take the buses to get places, but not typically. I know the people he uses with and I can control that outside of school. But, there is not a thing I can do while he's at school.

Ok how old? Do you allow him to go out? If so don’t you think he meets up with friends and uses? All my kid’s friends have cars.

17. Yep, I let him go out. Again, it's not like I could stop it if he decided to go and I said no. But, I talk with the parents of the kids who he uses with and I have made it clear that I will notify them if he has permission to go to their houses. They respect that. He does not meet up with them elsewhere because none of them are good at the bus system. None of my kid's friends have cars. All but one are old enough to drive.

Do these parents know their kids use?

Hey mom , a lot of these suggestions sound like a bad after school special , truly. The consequences mentioned will not work if he has underlying social emotional issues.

Since he’s 16-17, I’d try a slightly different approach.

First , I’d pull him out of the current private school. Seems like they are truly on an ignore-wait-and-see plan. Doesn’t work for bright kids like your son who seem pretty bored with the curriculum ,etc.

Second, I’d make him learn a lot more about cannabis and growing things in general. I mean ALOT more. From cultivation to dispensaries, I’d have him start working with agricultural orgs, farms, whatever I could get my hands on.

Doesn’t like school? Let him get his GED. Let him really get out here and experience the world. Schools will always be there and ready to take your money. Better spent in the bank or shipping him off to an ag rehab somewhere out west for a month or two.

He sounds like a cool kid who’s having a tough time finding his place, embrace his journey and you may find that he finds that revolutionary.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

If I find stuff, I throw it away. It is not allowed in my house. I don't have consequences for anything else except that so long as he's using, he can't drive.

Ok so you let him go out with friends etc and you know he’s using you’re just trying to protect home use is that right? No judgement I understand just asking

No, I never said that. I do not allow him to drive. There are times that he will take the buses to get places, but not typically. I know the people he uses with and I can control that outside of school. But, there is not a thing I can do while he's at school.

Ok how old? Do you allow him to go out? If so don’t you think he meets up with friends and uses? All my kid’s friends have cars.

17. Yep, I let him go out. Again, it's not like I could stop it if he decided to go and I said no. But, I talk with the parents of the kids who he uses with and I have made it clear that I will notify them if he has permission to go to their houses. They respect that. He does not meet up with them elsewhere because none of them are good at the bus system. None of my kid's friends have cars. All but one are old enough to drive.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

I agree with both of these things.

You get through it the best you can. Keep him in therapy and try to keep him busy, and off of hard drugs. The truth is there are many contributing, successful members of society who smoke weed. I am not one of them, but it's not my life. It's his.

A ton of support from me. Teens are so, so tough to parent.

I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

If I find stuff, I throw it away. It is not allowed in my house. I don't have consequences for anything else except that so long as he's using, he can't drive.

Ok so you let him go out with friends etc and you know he’s using you’re just trying to protect home use is that right? No judgement I understand just asking

No, I never said that. I do not allow him to drive. There are times that he will take the buses to get places, but not typically. I know the people he uses with and I can control that outside of school. But, there is not a thing I can do while he's at school.

Ok how old? Do you allow him to go out? If so don’t you think he meets up with friends and uses? All my kid’s friends have cars.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize. Substitute video games for pot and I have the same story. It's been fairly well-established (and my experience with DS bears out) that consequences do not work for self-soothing actions in ADHD children. Nothing you can take away would matter. You must substitute. My son was happy to begin a treatment program for young adults, it's intensive small group therapy, every day. He is working hard to deal with it. No easy path.

My kid would never willingly go to daily treatment. How old is he and what’s the substitute

The child himself must find the substitute.
My son in group therapy has not found the substitute yet but the group therapy is serving as that for now during the day. Because he wants to change, it gets him out of bed in the morning. He discovered he can't get to therapy if he games until 2 or 3AM.
I recommend finding a way to believe in him and his ability to turn this around if and when he decides he wants to.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am a regular user to treat insomnia but I think it's very very risky for kids to experiment with in the current cannabis climate. I don't have kids, but if I did I would do whatever I could to discourage and prevent them using it.

It's not that it's a gateway drug and that he'll look for something harder to provide relief, necessarily. It's that the cannabis today is so, so potent with such high THC levels especially for developing brains and easy to overdo. It might provide relief now but one bad experience can trigger or worsen mental health issues. After smoking a ton socially and recreationally in college, I took a break for many years after a marijuana-high induced panic attack which I can pinpoint to an increase in my general anxiety levels. Anecdotally, I have several friends who have experienced similar triggering events.