Anonymous wrote:How are other people the jerk for commenting on a jerk's inappropriate habit- and it's not a coping mechanism- it's a habit. If she had neurological/development issues and she couldn't control it that would be one thing, but her response is that she does it to 'lighten the mood'. She's a jerk/idiot.

How do you know the MIL’s behavior is not a coping mechanism? To make fun of her nervous laughter by deriding her or, like the jerk pp who would spend a day mimicking other people’s odd behaviors for his/her perverse enjoyment, means you have a deficit in empathy and kindness

Some people just do this. In our family, it's my oldest brother. He makes a statement, does a little-exhale laugh, and looks around with a half-smile as though he's just said something funny.

It's irritating, but he's 60. He's not going to stop now.

Anonymous wrote:How are other people the jerk for commenting on a jerk's inappropriate habit- and it's not a coping mechanism- it's a habit. If she had neurological/development issues and she couldn't control it that would be one thing, but her response is that she does it to 'lighten the mood'. She's a jerk/idiot.

Normal people don't act that way. So there is something wrong with MIL. It doesn't really matter what it is. It's not gonna change. OP can continue to fester over it (waste of time) or move on with her life (this is what mature people do).

Anonymous wrote:OP, your incessant use of the word chortle is hard to take. See? Lots of people have annoying habits.

Oh, hey there, MIL. Did Mahjong get cancelled today? And you cleaned your purple pants for nothing!

OP, your incessant use of the word chortle is hard to take. See? Lots of people have annoying habits.

How are other people the jerk for commenting on a jerk's inappropriate habit- and it's not a coping mechanism- it's a habit. If she had neurological/development issues and she couldn't control it that would be one thing, but her response is that she does it to 'lighten the mood'. She's a jerk/idiot.

Yes - a jerk - not nice to make fun of someone for their coping mechanism. If this is what helps them, then deal with it.

My mom used to have some uncontrollable body movements due to her meds (tardive dyskinesia) and another family member used to imitate her behind her back. She has seen passed away. I really have never forgotten it.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I like to pick a day and commit to a character/habit and try it out. I think I'll take on your MIL's habit this weekend just to see how it feels. It's just such an oddly annoying and insulting habit, it's hilariously inappropriate. It reminds me of Bill Hader's impression of Keith Morrison "She was muuuuurdered??? That's teeerrrrible...." lips smirking and eyes shining in delight.

You’re a jerk.

Sometimes I like to pick a day and commit to a character/habit and try it out. I think I'll take on your MIL's habit this weekend just to see how it feels. It's just such an oddly annoying and insulting habit, it's hilariously inappropriate. It reminds me of Bill Hader's impression of Keith Morrison "She was muuuuurdered??? That's teeerrrrible...." lips smirking and eyes shining in delight.

Learn to ignore it for her sake and yours. Many of us have to live with loved ones with these behaviors.

Anonymous wrote:It's something anxious/nervous/kinda "wrong" with her. If you look at it from that perspective, hopefully you can find some compassion.

Might as well get over it, because it's not like she's suddenly going to stop doing that at 70+.

In a few years you might be kicking herself that that was your big complaint about her, as she ages and her health possibly deteriorates. Perspective.

Agree. Sounds like anxiety to me. And I know from my family and dh's family that people can hide enormous anxiety from you and it leaks out everywhere in things like chortling or in my mom's case, anxious sighs. My mom used to make me angry when she did that. I knew she was anxious and being indirect about it and I realized eventually that it made me anxious which made me angry. At some point I dealt with it by recognizing my anxiety and telling myself that just because she was anxious there was no reason I needed to feel anxious. Eventually her sighs did not affect me. But it took me becoming aware of how they were affecting me internally.

Anyway, that might not be the case for you all. This sounds just annoying. But I pass it on in case it's of use.

DH and I called his very socially awkward sister for her birthday last night. Her nervous tics started the moment she picked up the phone: “Hiiiiiiiii? heh heh. Just leaving dinner. ha. heh heh.”

We can’t control other people, only ourselves. You could try saying something like “I don’t think it’s funny” if MiL chortles at something really inappropriate. Still, unless she identifies the underlying cause —social anxiety, for example— and gets treatment of her own volition, this is just who she is and what she does. Know this and plan around it by not taking her places where it could be really insulting and reducing the lengths of your visits if it’s driving you around the bend.

My mom has two nervous habit noises. One is a teeth-sucking noise. It’s the kind of wincing noise you make if you see, say, a skateboarder take a really bad spill on a TV show or something. Except she does it to punctuate everything, good or bad. The other noise is what I can only describe as an orgasmic sigh. It was acquired in the last 15 years or so. I think she picked it up during a phase of trying to be positive and enthusiastic and somehow decided this was the way to go.
“[orgasmic sigh moan] this peach is so good!”
“[orgasmic sigh moan] I love that show!”
Its noticeable enough that people raise their eyebrows and even comment, but she misreads it and thinks they’re just joining her in her enthusiastic special moment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DH say if she's always done this? Does she know she's doing it?

Honestly? What does it matter? She's likely in her 60s, 70s or beyond. Even if she is aware of it or is made aware of it, it's probably not changing. So all OP can change is her own expectation and level of acceptance.

Again, if this were Grey’s Anatomy and it came out that this was a more recent development...BRAIN TUMOR! But seriously OP, find out how long it’s been going on.

My MIL has a nervous laughter that she uses to fill every silence. It sort of sounds like an old lady version of Fran Drescher's laugh.

Everything makes my MIL uncomfortable and she's really insecure. I try to just feel badly for her instead of hate her for the awful sound she's always making... but I'm not above doing an impression of it once she leaves and the kids are out of earshot. lol