Anonymous wrote:I vote have a 2nd asap/under 2 year gap. Pregnancy and conceiving can get get harder as you age and I am a believer that siblings closer in age is better. It is nice having kids in sort of the same phases. Mine are 3 yrs apart and looking back i wish I had kept it closer to a 2 yr gap.

Holy .. are you serious? Without a local support system, without a husband around and working full time as the breadwinner? Nope, it’s a shitshow enough with two parents around. Yes the age gap I can see being great in the future (currently have a 4 mo old and a 2 yr old) but this first year, which I’m right in the trenches of, is a freaking chaotic mess with both of us around but working out of the house and some travel thrown in. No, just no, don’t do it, unless you can afford multiple nannies (au pairs capped at 45 hrs per week and it’s hard to find one you trust with a baby). It’s a lot.

I had 2 under two with an older child and I would not recommend it AT ALL. But I also wouldn't trade them for the world. But I'm not sure I would have survived if my husband was deployed during that crazy sleep deprived time.

Another note - 10 year olds and 12-13 year olds are VERY different.

I would definitely vote for freezing embryos and waiting till he got back, if it is important for you to have a second child. I would not risk waiting as fertility can take a nosedive (I know this from personal experience).

Just so you know, two babies close together are more than twice as hard as one baby IME and by all accounts my kids are average. Is your job flexible? Can you do it while you are mentally drained for long periods of time? If so, maybe do it. The thing about babies is that they are relentless. I underestimated that before I had two 15 months apart. I love it but I have a flexible job, DH pulls more than his fair share and we have a ton of grandparent support, also a weekly cleaner, delivered groceries, etc.

I vote have a 2nd asap/under 2 year gap. Pregnancy and conceiving can get get harder as you age and I am a believer that siblings closer in age is better. It is nice having kids in sort of the same phases. Mine are 3 yrs apart and looking back i wish I had kept it closer to a 2 yr gap.

I would see how it goes with baby # 1 and then decide after 6-12 months. Before I had my DS I was 100% sure we would have two. After about 9 months we both agreed only 1 kid was the best thing for our family. I never in a million years thought that I would not want a 2nd, but here we are, and happy about that choice!