Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Step-DD babysits her younger siblings maybe once a month or once in a couple of months, so we can have an evening out. Step-DD lives with us full time and we generally don't expect her to perform any child rearing duties beyond an occasional date night. My DH makes is non-negotiable as far as what day we need her to babysit and she is allowed to invite any of her friends over, as we usually bathe the kids before we leave and they're in bed by 8pm. It's not like she watching the kids the whole weekend. Usually, a couple of hours before they go to bed. To be honest, I would not trust her to go beyond a couple of hours a month, as she has anxiety/depressive episodes.

How generous of you not!

PP here; don't really understand your comment, but ok. My step-DD is in HS, so she has a budding social life and it is not her job to watch her younger siblings. They're not her kids, they're mine.

Child-rearing duties = parenting. The fact that you're bragging about not "generally" expecting her to raise your kids is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Step-DD babysits her younger siblings maybe once a month or once in a couple of months, so we can have an evening out. Step-DD lives with us full time and we generally don't expect her to perform any child rearing duties beyond an occasional date night. My DH makes is non-negotiable as far as what day we need her to babysit and she is allowed to invite any of her friends over, as we usually bathe the kids before we leave and they're in bed by 8pm. It's not like she watching the kids the whole weekend. Usually, a couple of hours before they go to bed. To be honest, I would not trust her to go beyond a couple of hours a month, as she has anxiety/depressive episodes.

How generous of you not!

PP here; don't really understand your comment, but ok. My step-DD is in HS, so she has a budding social life and it is not her job to watch her younger siblings. They're not her kids, they're mine.

If the older kid is in HS and missing much of their social life to stay home and babysit siblings, that is a problem and unfair.

My siblings and I (3) were all born within 4 years so there wasn't really a need by HS for the oldest to babysit.

My boys are in 6th and 8th and they stay home together. I don't see a situation where I would be having the older one having to stay home and watch the younger one since they are 2 years apart.

I have seen older siblings used basically like 'Cinderella', used as the primary babysitter and have no social life because of it.

Sometimes I forget I love in DC. Obviously these parents are taking advantage, but in most situations older siblings babysitting younger siblings is a part of growing up. Why would a family pay a stranger to come to their home, if there are older children in the home. Looking after younger siblings is part of being a responsible teen. If your teen expects money to hang out on weekends, then they should expect to pitch in for occasional babysitting duties. Most middle class families can’t afford to pay a babysitter just so their teen won’t be sad. If it’s the occasional monthly date night out or special occasion overnight, I don’t see anything wrong with it, but the OP’s scenario is extreme.

Anonymous wrote:My Step-DD babysits her younger siblings maybe once a month or once in a couple of months, so we can have an evening out. Step-DD lives with us full time and we generally don't expect her to perform any child rearing duties beyond an occasional date night. My DH makes is non-negotiable as far as what day we need her to babysit and she is allowed to invite any of her friends over, as we usually bathe the kids before we leave and they're in bed by 8pm. It's not like she watching the kids the whole weekend. Usually, a couple of hours before they go to bed. To be honest, I would not trust her to go beyond a couple of hours a month, as she has anxiety/depressive episodes.

How generous of you not!

My Step-DD babysits her younger siblings maybe once a month or once in a couple of months, so we can have an evening out. Step-DD lives with us full time and we generally don't expect her to perform any child rearing duties beyond an occasional date night. My DH makes is non-negotiable as far as what day we need her to babysit and she is allowed to invite any of her friends over, as we usually bathe the kids before we leave and they're in bed by 8pm. It's not like she watching the kids the whole weekend. Usually, a couple of hours before they go to bed. To be honest, I would not trust her to go beyond a couple of hours a month, as she has anxiety/depressive episodes.

Nope. I have a 9 year gap with a preschooler being the youngest. The younger one is tough to handle and often does not like or want anything to do with the oldest DD, so I would never ask her to babysit.

If you are close enough to them (like it’s your sibling) I would tell the parents if they think the constant responsibility for providing chid care is affecting the kids’ relationship. Explain that the older child is likely to begrudge the fact that s/he’s missing vacation time and friend activities and wind up resenting all of them for it. Don’t be surprised if older child leaves home asap and doesn’t look back.

occasional babysitting is fine, and whether older sib gets paid can go into the family’s general philosophy about family obligations, chores, etc. I don’t see babysitting once or twice a month as particularly different than doing the dishes every night or week-on, week-off with a sibling. But the situation OP describes is clearly too much and crossing a line. I think the most OP can do though is help the older kid strategize and plan for talking to the parents about it. Ultimately, if it’s a lot of time, younger kid is not getting the parenting/supervision she needs and older kid is not getting to be a kid and do kid things. Sounds like the older kid is old enough to do this if it were a real material necessity, but not just so parents can have this much fun/free time.

How do you know this family?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think asking my oldest to babysit is fine on occasion. I wouldn’t ask her to change her plans or anything. But I refuse to pay her because this is one of the responsibilities of her being a family member, like doing dishes, laundry, etc.

Totally disagree. It was your decision to have children. It's your responsibility to care for them. You should ABSOLUTELY pay her for watching YOUR kids.

really,

We don’t go in big for allowances. And mine are two years apart. And watch themselves, basically. Please call if your sibling is doing something dangerous. But we give the older kid a car, and gas, and insurance. And in return he sometimes help the household out by running errands and driving his sister somewhere when his schedule allows and a parent can’t. Orders helping youngers is part of being in a family. Now, I would not ask my kid to cancel plans to do so. And I would not do it as a regular, routine thing. But if once a month you need a sitter and the older doesn’t have plans? They can keep an eye on a younger.

I’m thinking 2-4 year age spread here. Younger kid is self sufficient and doesn’t need a lot of entertaining.

Of course this isn’t right. Look up the guidelines for staying alone and babysitting.

This is Fairfax County.

https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/children-youth/child-supervision-guidelines

Unless there is a substantial deviation from this, there isn’t much you can do. Not all parents parent the same. Not all parents parent well. And yet, we allow them to make these choices within the law.

BTW, i only found this chart recently. But it tracks what I was comfortable doing, and where many of my friends ends up. Mine are two years apart, responsible and trustworthy and responsible for themselves unless they see their sibling doing something dangerous, not older babysitting younger.

Anonymous wrote:I think asking my oldest to babysit is fine on occasion. I wouldn’t ask her to change her plans or anything. But I refuse to pay her because this is one of the responsibilities of her being a family member, like doing dishes, laundry, etc.

Totally disagree. It was your decision to have children. It's your responsibility to care for them. You should ABSOLUTELY pay her for watching YOUR kids.

Anonymous wrote:Well obviously that is a crummy situation for that poor kids, but what do we advise OP to do? Confront the parents? Advise the kid to confront the parents and risk, what?

Sorry, crummy situation for that poor kid.

Well obviously that is a crummy situation for that poor kids, but what do we advise OP to do? Confront the parents? Advise the kid to confront the parents and risk, what?