Honestly 14 is pretty late to be catching this. Make sure that she faces consequences and do not come to her defense when these things eventually catch up with her.

They don't form in a vacuum. Family therapy.

Might be a little off topic but my son was actually a victim of mean girl bullying for his first few years of high school. One of his closest friends is a girl who's always struggled with her weight. She went through relentless bullying by mean girls and for standing by her they started to bully him too.

When we spoke to one of the girl's parents she was shocked when she heard the bullying and harassment her daughter had put our son and his friend through. They're in senior year now and the bullying has considerably reduced and our son is still very supportive of his friend. I would definitely talk to your daughter and if you can try to reach the root cause of why she is bullying other kids.

Make sure she faces consequences. My SIL is like this and of the many mistakes my in-laws made, the biggest one I see is they always defended her and cane to her rescue. She never had to face consequences.

And please don’t bail her out when things do hit the fan. Maybe she needs to lose friendships to know how it feels. But it could be worse than that. My friend’s DD is having to explain to colleges why she has a 5 day suspension on her record for cyberbullying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B/c you and DH weren't popular that's why your kid is the way she is.

x10000

I agree with this. There is always a correlation, from what I have seen - parents are always over sensitive about their child because of what (the parents) went through. Too much deflection and finger pointing. OP, good for you for recognizing this and wanting to do something about it. Go to the Psychology Today web site and find a therapist for you, and another for your daughter, in your area.

Meh, I disagree. I see no correlation. In fact, I see the opposite. If OP and DH weren't popular as kids, they would less likely to let their kids get away with any a-hoie behavior. Still, good for them for recognizing it. Now, on to dealing with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B/c you and DH weren't popular that's why your kid is the way she is.

x10000

I agree with this. There is always a correlation, from what I have seen - parents are always over sensitive about their child because of what (the parents) went through. Too much deflection and finger pointing. OP, good for you for recognizing this and wanting to do something about it. Go to the Psychology Today web site and find a therapist for you, and another for your daughter, in your area.

??? My kid is as nerdy as his parents.

I'm with you OP. Except I have a boy. My youngest has shown signs of being an emotional bully (not physical). His siblings and my DH and I are not. It's weird to us. We absolutely have sent him to a therapist with some back-up sessions for the rest of the family. So, we're working on it.

Anonymous wrote:B/c you and DH weren't popular that's why your kid is the way she is.

x10000

I agree with this. There is always a correlation, from what I have seen - parents are always over sensitive about their child because of what (the parents) went through. Too much deflection and finger pointing. OP, good for you for recognizing this and wanting to do something about it. Go to the Psychology Today web site and find a therapist for you, and another for your daughter, in your area.

Anonymous wrote:She probably need her access to social media revoked and some therapy to address her issues.

+100

Having been on the other side of exclusionary behavior, I predict that situation will also settle down due to age. By 15 all the girls in the class have been exposed to this behavior and have developed more maturity to deal with it. Our resident school mean girl seems to have held onto a couple of friends, the remainder of the grade seems to have her number and the drama has really subsided.