Times are changing. Don’t make hard rules like my child won’t get one until 9th grade etc.. see what’s going on with life and where your child is. My current 8th grader got one on 6th grade and it’s truly the only way kids communicate in her group. Parents don’t setup get together so if she is going to have Friday afternoon plans, she needs to coordinate them. I also allow her to walk a mile away to a shipping center with friends and live being able to text and track her. It actually makes me more comfortable than if I waited to give her a phone.

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an issue with them. Mine's in 5th. We will get one for middle school. The phones are not the issue, but how you use them. You don't have to put apps or the internet on there. We have a gizmo now.

Same. DS got my old iPhone when he was in 5th with everything restricted except actual phone calls and texting. There were no issues and I had more peace of mind tracking him with find my iPhone when he was out. I physically took the phone whenever he wasn’t out and moderating wasn’t a problem. He didn’t take it to school. Years later he was allowed to have some apps one at a time but no internet. When his friends were older and got phones they tended to go more crazy, texting hundreds of messages because they could. By then he had it on him more and would often silence conversations because he didn’t want to be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put it off for as long as possible.

I sometimes hear parents use some silly excuse like “they need to learn now how to moderate themselves”. It’s pretty clear tweens and teens just cannot. Honestly most adults cannot. Just be the bad guy and hold off as long as you can.

mine did.

I have one who can and one who can’t. Same values. Same parents. Same rules.

Some kids really just can’t self regulate well. aDHD boys seems to be the worst.

By the time you are dealing with it, all my rules and knowledge will be as quaint as teaching kids how to call collect and keep a dime in their penny loafers.

Anonymous wrote:Do not give them access to cell phones and the internet. There is some horrible, horrible stuff out there. Yout tube is the worst.

Why are you on it if it is so terrible?

Anonymous wrote:not before high school. it is bad for their developing brains.

This is also what tech CEOs recommend
https://www.cnbc.com/2018/06/05/how-bill-gates-mark-cuban-and-others-limit-their-kids-tech-use.html

-mom of 4.

How is it any different from any other device? All those folks kids have computers and tablets. The only difference is the cell phone connectivity. And, those kids had nannies going everywhere with them. Why are you on a device if its so bad?

not before high school. it is bad for their developing brains.

This is also what tech CEOs recommend
https://www.cnbc.com/2018/06/05/how-bill-gates-mark-cuban-and-others-limit-their-kids-tech-use.html

-mom of 4.

Resist giving them unlimited data. That way they will use the phone judiciously when not at home with wi-fi.

Do not give them access to cell phones and the internet. There is some horrible, horrible stuff out there. Yout tube is the worst.

Instead of taking away a phone from a child or teen just suspend service. Verizon you can do this easy peezy on line. My youngest felt he owned the phone and that it was his private item. Nope we pay it's not yours. I just suspended the service when we felt he wasn't being responsible enough. Saved many fights..

We gave a phone this year for 6th grade although I wish we'd waited, mainly just b/c I'm tired of telling DS to put it down. We're planning on no social media for a long time. I said he could have a couple of games on it but that has become really addictive so I'm trying to figure out what to do there.

My best advice would be to have the phones be charged in your bedroom each night.

I've also haven't been impressed with Verizon's Smart Family - a lot of glitches and it disconnects. Trying to figure out a better monitoring solution.

Anonymous wrote:One of the things that I'm glad that I did was to be consistent. It has made my life so much easier. DD is 13 now.
-I am logged into all of her social media accounts (Insta, youtube, tiktok, even etsy). If she changes a password, she gives me the new one or she gives up the phone.
-I randomly do a phone check (photos, texts, emails, etc.).
-We talk regularly about the different types of impacts that social media (and the internet in general) can have on us. Nothing is temporary, colleges & employers check, etc..

OP- one of the most important things is consistency and follow through. If you're not going to follow through with the parameters you set, you're in for a rough road because kids will capitalize on it. Commonsense Media will be your new best friend; they've done all the research for us. Also, urban dictionary is great for any unfamiliar lingo that pops up.

There are lots of phone monitoring apps also. DD has an iphone and the parental controls are good. She has to send me a request for any apps she'd like to download and their is a good internet filter. When DD was younger I removed all internet browsing capabilities from her phone.

I also once drove DD to friend's house to apologize in person for a mean comment that she texted. This helped her understand that there are real feelings on the other end of her phone.

Good luck, OP!

I largely agree with this advice. Know your kid, know yourself, and have lots of conversations about how they’re using their phones. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution.

Our kids got smartphones when they were entering 6th grade. The older one (now 14) uses Instagram but no other social media, and I can log into his account; we talk a lot about how to be a responsible and thoughtful user. My younger one (11) is into YouTube (primarily for Fortnight and Minecraft videos); again, lots of discussion about YouTube and the dangers therein. They both text a lot with friends, family, etc.

One rule that I think has been helpful is that none of us takes our phones into our rooms at night; they are plugged in downstairs. Forcing that disconnection, encouraging reading books before bed, not looking at the phone first thing in the morning—all good things, I think. We also don’t use them during meals, and if we’re watching TV or a movie as a family, phones are put away so that we are all focused and connected.

We also spend a lot of time as a family talking about what’s going on in the world, the dangers of disinformation, and the pervasiveness of harmful ideologies, which makes them more educated and responsible consumers of information online and gives them a healthy skepticism of the companies that make the technologies they’re using.

All of that said, they do love their phones and use them a lot. We do have to tell them to put them down; they aren’t self-regulating. But that’s part of the parenting deal.

DD got a phone when she started 6th grade. She uses it to call and text and play a few games that we monitor. She’s not on social media nor will she be anytime soon. She’s 13 now and I know we’re lucky because she just isn’t into those things so we haven’t had to fight that battle.

I was able to hold out until 8th grade graduation my son who is a senior uses it more than I like but the one rule I wish I had started with was to place the phone in the kitchen and hour before bedtime or overnight.

My son uses his phone as his morning alarm and I wish I had just gotten him a regular alarm.

Not huge but...

not all kids are the same.

bring books to restaurants and let them read.

then you won't be inclined to let them play games.