Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 12:33     Subject: Re:Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

Maybe a stretch, but I think your DH may be trying to mirror the jokey relationship he had with his dad with his DD, which maybe he feels was their way of bonding. So it probably started out harmless in his mind.

However, the fact that he is punishing her for not receiving it as well as he did is not ok. It's turning into emotional abuse and he needs to STOP before he wrecks his relationship with her. Your DD is not HIM. She's a different person with her own view of the world.

Speaking of viewing the world: you're right that kids, especially really young ones like yours, can't process humor and sarcasm:

https://www.fatherly.com/parenting/teasing-kids-bad-parenting-funny-dad/

Tell your DH to read this article and to cease doing this -or anything, really- that causes unnecessary strife.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 12:13     Subject: Re:Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

He is successful at work, I stay at home by choice (have a law degree), so I don't think he's doing it because he feels inferior that way. No money troubles thankfully. I do think he thinks I get more of a say in what happens with our daughter, and I often do because I spend so much more time with her. but I don't see why that would cause the more extreme behavior. Like the behavior that if it were my own child doing it, I would put her in time out or take away a privilege.


I bet your husband is a terrible, bully boss. The ones who had no friends that are now successful usually have a massive chip on their shoulder.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 12:09     Subject: Husband teasing young child
I would consider taping one of these teasing sessions and let him listen to it later. He is being a oversized mean girl and she will start to copy him.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:52     Subject: Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Saying oh kid doesn't like brownies / ice cream so I am going to eat all the ice cream is a very common joke between parents and kids. I think ever kid I have ever known has been teased by a parent / grandparent that way.

I think people are way over sensitive. You may have a different sense of humor (or no sense of humor) so nothing is funny to you.

Kids don't need to be given the perfect life - it is actually good for them to get a bit of teasing / good natured ribbing



I think I have a good sense of humor but this is not funny. It's barbaric. Kids / toddlers can understand much more sophisticated humor than this. Its obnoxious.


If that is barbaric to you, your bar for humor is exceptionally low. It is actually pretty funny for a lot of kids / parents. Good memories in our family of parents / grandparents joking with kids. No one needed therapy because we joked / teased.


You think teasing a young child until they become distressed is funny?
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:46     Subject: Re:Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

He is successful at work, I stay at home by choice (have a law degree), so I don't think he's doing it because he feels inferior that way. No money troubles thankfully. I do think he thinks I get more of a say in what happens with our daughter, and I often do because I spend so much more time with her. but I don't see why that would cause the more extreme behavior. Like the behavior that if it were my own child doing it, I would put her in time out or take away a privilege.


“Bob, you know how Larla gets really mad when you tease her? What do you think is up with that?” He’ll say some stuff. Listen. “She seems really unhappy. I know you’re trying to joke around, but she’s little, I don’t think she gets it. Do you think we should do something differently?”


Don't you think HE should do something differently? My father was like this. Moved out at 18 and haven't spoken to him since. And I'm nearly 40.


Of course he should, but approaching this collaboratively — you and me vs the problem — is going to be a lot more successful than making it you vs me on how to be a good parent. I assume OP loves her husband and wants to help him foster a positive relationship with their child.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:43     Subject: Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:Sadistic prick.


+1000. Daughter is learning you have to put up with bullying to have s man in your life. OP get rid of him.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:40     Subject: Re:Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

He is successful at work, I stay at home by choice (have a law degree), so I don't think he's doing it because he feels inferior that way. No money troubles thankfully. I do think he thinks I get more of a say in what happens with our daughter, and I often do because I spend so much more time with her. but I don't see why that would cause the more extreme behavior. Like the behavior that if it were my own child doing it, I would put her in time out or take away a privilege.


“Bob, you know how Larla gets really mad when you tease her? What do you think is up with that?” He’ll say some stuff. Listen. “She seems really unhappy. I know you’re trying to joke around, but she’s little, I don’t think she gets it. Do you think we should do something differently?”


Don't you think HE should do something differently? My father was like this. Moved out at 18 and haven't spoken to him since. And I'm nearly 40.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:38     Subject: Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:Can you intervene at the time "That's enough gang!"


?? How about "that's enough DH. Your behavior is not appropriate".
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:32     Subject: Husband teasing young child
As for practical suggestions:
When I’m trying to joke with my little kids I make it really exaggeratedly goofy. So not “oh Larla doesn’t like chocolate” but “but if Larla eats the chocolate there will be none for our rhinoceros!” (We do not have a rhinoceros.)
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:31     Subject: Re:Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

He is successful at work, I stay at home by choice (have a law degree), so I don't think he's doing it because he feels inferior that way. No money troubles thankfully. I do think he thinks I get more of a say in what happens with our daughter, and I often do because I spend so much more time with her. but I don't see why that would cause the more extreme behavior. Like the behavior that if it were my own child doing it, I would put her in time out or take away a privilege.


“Bob, you know how Larla gets really mad when you tease her? What do you think is up with that?” He’ll say some stuff. Listen. “She seems really unhappy. I know you’re trying to joke around, but she’s little, I don’t think she gets it. Do you think we should do something differently?”
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:20     Subject: Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:Saying oh kid doesn't like brownies / ice cream so I am going to eat all the ice cream is a very common joke between parents and kids. I think ever kid I have ever known has been teased by a parent / grandparent that way.

I think people are way over sensitive. You may have a different sense of humor (or no sense of humor) so nothing is funny to you.

Kids don't need to be given the perfect life - it is actually good for them to get a bit of teasing / good natured ribbing


If you routinely make your child cry on purpose for your own amusement, you're an emotionally abusive parent. Don't lie to yourself.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 11:18     Subject: Re:Husband teasing young child
OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

He is successful at work, I stay at home by choice (have a law degree), so I don't think he's doing it because he feels inferior that way. No money troubles thankfully. I do think he thinks I get more of a say in what happens with our daughter, and I often do because I spend so much more time with her. but I don't see why that would cause the more extreme behavior. Like the behavior that if it were my own child doing it, I would put her in time out or take away a privilege.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 10:57     Subject: Husband teasing young child
He has power/control issues and the only way he can feel superior is by tormenting his kid.
Does he feel inferior at work, your marriage, money issues?
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 10:54     Subject: Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Saying oh kid doesn't like brownies / ice cream so I am going to eat all the ice cream is a very common joke between parents and kids. I think ever kid I have ever known has been teased by a parent / grandparent that way.

I think people are way over sensitive. You may have a different sense of humor (or no sense of humor) so nothing is funny to you.

Kids don't need to be given the perfect life - it is actually good for them to get a bit of teasing / good natured ribbing



I think I have a good sense of humor but this is not funny. It's barbaric. Kids / toddlers can understand much more sophisticated humor than this. Its obnoxious.


If that is barbaric to you, your bar for humor is exceptionally low. It is actually pretty funny for a lot of kids / parents. Good memories in our family of parents / grandparents joking with kids. No one needed therapy because we joked / teased.


OP, I think we found your husband. Are you not reading? This isn't the only thing the dad in the OP is doing. If you are regularly getting teased/tormented until you are crying, this is just piling on.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 10:37     Subject: Husband teasing young child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Saying oh kid doesn't like brownies / ice cream so I am going to eat all the ice cream is a very common joke between parents and kids. I think ever kid I have ever known has been teased by a parent / grandparent that way.

I think people are way over sensitive. You may have a different sense of humor (or no sense of humor) so nothing is funny to you.

Kids don't need to be given the perfect life - it is actually good for them to get a bit of teasing / good natured ribbing



I think I have a good sense of humor but this is not funny. It's barbaric. Kids / toddlers can understand much more sophisticated humor than this. Its obnoxious.


If that is barbaric to you, your bar for humor is exceptionally low. It is actually pretty funny for a lot of kids / parents. Good memories in our family of parents / grandparents joking with kids. No one needed therapy because we joked / teased.