Anonymous
10/03/2019 08:43
Subject: Re:doctor appt
My husband and I usually try to both be there for the "milestone" appointments, but otherwise we split them as needed depending on who is doing what when. Lately he has definitely taken them to more doctor's appointments than I have, but over the course of their lives it's probably 50/50.
I don't understand what "mothering" has to do with it. I had to give birth to them and nurse them because I was the only one who had the physical ability to do those two things, but everything else we split. And we have two girls, so we don't divide things based on gender. We are both their parents and we both have an equal responsibility to take care of them.
I don't understand what "mothering" has to do with it. I had to give birth to them and nurse them because I was the only one who had the physical ability to do those two things, but everything else we split. And we have two girls, so we don't divide things based on gender. We are both their parents and we both have an equal responsibility to take care of them.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 22:56
Subject: doctor appt
My DH started taking DD to the doctor when he switched to a more flexible job and I subsequently started a less flexible longer commute job. It’s far from unusual.
Anonymous
10/02/2019 22:31
Subject: doctor appt
My work is pretty flexible with advance planning so I do 75% or so of well-visits, but DH handles a lot of the sick visits. We like for him to know the doctors and dentists, too, so we do try to work the schedule where he can take the kids for some of the well-visits, too.
OP, of course, your Dh should do some of the visits.
OP, of course, your Dh should do some of the visits.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 21:02
Subject: doctor appt
Anonymous wrote:Your DH should be doing half of the appointments. The only exception is if your DD wants you there for female-only things. Not sure how old she is, but I know I would have been mortified if my doctor brought up, say, puberty stuff in front of my dad. In that case, you could divide it so you do doctor appointments and DH does dentist and orthodontist.
This.
maybe DH takes the dental appointments but leave the Doctors to Mom. I don’t know what age they will allow a minor to be in the room alone with the Doctor but I can see a daughter not wanting to discuss certain issues with her Dad in the room. And Dad might not be able to understand what advice the Doctor is giving.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 20:10
Subject: doctor appt
My husband's job is much more flexible (he has Wednesdays off) so he does *all* the medical and dental appmts. On Wednesdays, of course 
I am straightforward 7a-4p, M-F; tough for me to get away.
I am straightforward 7a-4p, M-F; tough for me to get away.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 10:23
Subject: doctor appt
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My husband couldn’t even name my child’s dr. Or dentist. Or orthodontist. Or probably even the vet.
This is my experience so from going from this to the opposite is a leap.
Anonymous wrote:Glad I posted this on here and see it's normal and even necessary in some families for DH to do these types of things.
So, a couple things. First, I does not at all sound like you are planning to "do the opposite" which would be flipping from your husband playing no role in day to day parenting stuff to you playing no role in day to day parenting stuff. Expecting that he takes his child to a medical appointment now and then is a small step.
I would guess that it is the norm for most dads to be involved. How involved will vary but I would really raise my eyebrows at a father that can't name the pediatrician.
What works for us is pretty clear division. So, my husband knows the dentist, takes the kids, gets dental forms filled out when we need them. I am a capable adult so if something were to happen to my husband or if something were to happen with the kids teeth while he was away, I know where they go, I know how to make phone calls, I could address the issue.
I take the lead with the pediatrician, well visits, and the majority of specialist visits. And with teachers too. I probably do more in regards to the kids but my husband has his own other jobs that allow our lives to run.
I get the SAHM thing set some specific dynamics but those are changing. Feel empowered to reframe your roles.
I love it, thank you.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 10:04
Subject: doctor appt
I’m a SAHM. DH has done a couple allergist appointments because he also has allergies and had questions I wouldn’t think to ask. He absolutely COULD do routine appointments if I were unavailable but I’m not sure he remembers the kids’ doctor’s name. That’s cool though, I don’t remember our lawyer’s name without looking it up; we divide and conquer remembering things.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 10:00
Subject: Re:doctor appt
I am pretty sure my DH has only gone to our pediatricians when the babies were just born and he was on paternity leave. Other than that I take them to all of their dentist appointments, doctor appointments, specialist, etc. BUT he does stay involved and knows what is basically going on, especially with specialists. I take care of it all because I have a very flexible job and he works 60-100 hours a week out of the house.
Also for big appointments (surgery or birth) he takes time off and will be home for them. Oldest DD is having surgery in a few months. Pretty routine surgery but still surgery. He will take the whole day off and stay over night with her while I stay with our other kids.
Also for big appointments (surgery or birth) he takes time off and will be home for them. Oldest DD is having surgery in a few months. Pretty routine surgery but still surgery. He will take the whole day off and stay over night with her while I stay with our other kids.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 09:58
Subject: Re:doctor appt
My DH doesn't regularly take the kids to routine appointments, as I WAH and it would take him 1.5 hours to get home, take the kid to the doctor, and then commute 1.5 hours back to work. Just doesn't make sense. For major appts, if I want him there, he comes.
What he does do is take off all leave that can be scheduled in advance like the weeks in the summer there's no camp, the two week winter break, etc.
But of course he knows the provider's names!
What he does do is take off all leave that can be scheduled in advance like the weeks in the summer there's no camp, the two week winter break, etc.
But of course he knows the provider's names!
Anonymous
10/01/2019 09:53
Subject: doctor appt
I'm still baffled by the pp whose husband can't name the kids doctors. How completely uninvolved of a husband do you have to have?!? Dh is in a completely inflexible job. He does not do appts unless it's his day off. He cannot do sick days/snow days/whatever unless it's a day off. He cannot leave work early unless it's an actual emergency. He still knows DS' doctor's and dentist's names.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 09:52
Subject: doctor appt
For the first year or 2, we'd both try to go to well visits. I've always done sick visits because I prefer to. But, if for whatever reason I was unable, DH would be willing and capable of stepping in.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 09:48
Subject: doctor appt
Uh, of course he can. Seriously?
Anonymous
10/01/2019 09:47
Subject: doctor appt
Whoever has the most flexibility on the day in question takes the kid. We try to keep it somewhat proportional to the demands/usual flexibility of our work.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 09:41
Subject: doctor appt
DH regularly takes the kids to the doctor.
Anonymous
10/01/2019 09:28
Subject: doctor appt
Anonymous wrote:My husband couldn’t even name my child’s dr. Or dentist. Or orthodontist. Or probably even the vet.
This is my experience so from going from this to the opposite is a leap.
Anonymous wrote:Glad I posted this on here and see it's normal and even necessary in some families for DH to do these types of things.
So, a couple things. First, I does not at all sound like you are planning to "do the opposite" which would be flipping from your husband playing no role in day to day parenting stuff to you playing no role in day to day parenting stuff. Expecting that he takes his child to a medical appointment now and then is a small step.
I would guess that it is the norm for most dads to be involved. How involved will vary but I would really raise my eyebrows at a father that can't name the pediatrician.
What works for us is pretty clear division. So, my husband knows the dentist, takes the kids, gets dental forms filled out when we need them. I am a capable adult so if something were to happen to my husband or if something were to happen with the kids teeth while he was away, I know where they go, I know how to make phone calls, I could address the issue.
I take the lead with the pediatrician, well visits, and the majority of specialist visits. And with teachers too. I probably do more in regards to the kids but my husband has his own other jobs that allow our lives to run.
I get the SAHM thing set some specific dynamics but those are changing. Feel empowered to reframe your roles.